Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

Am I Bi Polar Or Just Crazy Insights On Life? Help!

Hey all, ok so I have smoked cannabis for about a year straight now, and have tripped on mushrooms 4 times within 2 months. I am a 16 year old male, and I am happy to report that I have completely stopped using these drugs and I am trying to get my life back on track. Lately I have been having abnormal thoughs. Sometimes I just feel really weird. I can still act civilized around friends, family, and I still like to have fun. I admit, and have knowledge that I am a hypochondriac. Sometimes I wonder if I am just imagining my very life. I always wonder that if I was a schizo, how would I know it? Like I think that I am imaging my life. Lol sometimes the thought goes away and I laugh about it, but sometimes I actually think that I am imaging it all because of movies like fight club, the secret window, and other movies. I also have thoughts about movies being totally fake, which they are, but it makes me not enjoy them as much. Also I look at the human race as intelligent animals. Sometimes I dont feel like I can enjoy life for some reason. Like I cant really explain how I feel, but sometimes I see people as being nothing but flesh and bone, and if we can really trust our senses or have real emotions. I keep good hygene, and I am physically healthy. I just want reasurance that im not crazy. I honestly think that the drugs were a factor in this sudden increase in paranoia. What do you all think. I dont hallucinate, and I dont hear sounds (except for when im about to fall asleep but they are like funny sounds in my head not like someone talking to me) could I just be thinking about this too much causing me to think like this? Plz reply because this thought is killing me! The sounds that I hear only happen if I am thinking that I hear them lol. If I stop thinking about it then I dont hear them.


Also I have some crazy insights on the universe. I think about the way planet is, with all the essential elements, and I think about the human senses, and for some reason it makes me not want to enjoy life. Do you think that my mind is just a bit racey, or could it be a serious problem? Once again I can still manage through my everyday life, but sometimes I just dont feel real and I get panic attacks.
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replied March 20th, 2006
Doesnt sound weird to me, sounds like thoughts I had at 16 or still have, while through a similar but far longer experimenting phase. I actually think mushrooms had a big impact on what I became later on. I dont think your crazy at all.
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replied March 28th, 2006
You Are a Deep Thinker, Perhaps
I don't think you are "crazy", I think you have the natural tendency to think more deeply than most citizens of the world. Perhaps the drugs, albeit illicit, opened up a new portal for you to experience but was the depth was there all along. When I feel like you do, and I have, I will find myself feeling like i'm about to go off a mental cliff so I will force myself into a new line of thought or do something trivial that I enjoy, like ride my bike. It helps a great deal. When it's not particularly bothersome, though, I journal or read something that will require great concentration and I find that I have a higher ability to grasp the concept. Just a thought. Good luck! Oh, and belief in god, seeking him out is always an added bonus, in my opinion! :)
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replied March 28th, 2006
You Are a Deep Thinker, Perhaps
I don't think you are "crazy", I think you have the natural tendency to think more deeply than most citizens of the world. Perhaps the drugs, albeit illicit, opened up a new portal for you to experience but was the depth was there all along. When I feel like you do, and I have, I will find myself feeling like i'm about to go off a mental cliff so I will force myself into a new line of thought or do something trivial that I enjoy, like ride my bike. It helps a great deal. When it's not particularly bothersome, though, I journal or read something that will require great concentration and I find that I have a higher ability to grasp the concept. Just a thought. Good luck! Oh, and belief in god, seeking him out is always an added bonus, in my opinion! :)
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replied April 6th, 2006
If you were 'crazy' you would not behave normally with friends , family.

Others would immediately recignize that , you are not normal.

So don't worry , think healthy and stay healthy.


If your doubts pesists , visit web sites like Schizophrenia.Com and see the list of symptomps and rule out the illness yourself , then you will get the confidence.
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replied May 2nd, 2006
You Are Not Alone
The sensations you describe sound very similar to what I used to experience before being medicated for bipolar disorder. Like you, I was good at "keeping up apearances" around family and friends. One of the medications I take is olanzapine which is an anti-psychotic medication. I recently had a period of time without this medication (while continuing to use tegratol (mood-stabilizer) and nortriptilene (anti-depressant)) and all of those type of thoughts returned. It is an odd sensation and difficult to describe. Speak to a doctor.
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replied May 9th, 2006
Woh this is freeky ..
I cant beleve it,i`ve suffered these symptoms for years,i was like you when I was 14,bit of weed,tablets and beer mix,glue,gas ect..I collapsed one night while I was smashed,when I came round,thats when my life changed for ever..I started with panic attacks,anxiety,paranoia,strange thoughts,fear of dying..I do think about the earth too,ithe thought that always hits me and frightens me,i always think to myself,"what if gravity dissapeard right now,we would all just fall off the earth" or what if the earth just fell from space,,aggghhh...Noooo
i did tell my doctor once when I was a kid in 1985,the doc said its just temperery and it will fade as time goes on,it never did,and I still feel like it now,20 years later,i`ve never said anything to anyone since,just kept it to myself,but now ive told you guys,its an horrible feeling thats for sure..
I`m also exactly the same as you when im watching a film,i see right thru it and see it as just acting,but I critasize it in front of my family,they tell me to shut up and not to spoil it..The only movies I can watch and have fun watching is comedy,i just dont seem to see it in the same way as serious movies
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replied June 4th, 2006
Not Crazy Insights
As I lay dying:

what's happening to you is your mind is growing and making more abstract associations. All philosophers think as you are beginning to think - both western philosophers and buddhist.



Your friends and family may gradually seem less interesting to you. You're experiencing what hermann hesse wrote about in demian, and you will likely soon experience something like the character in siddhartha experienced.



One thing to keep in mind: the thinking mind can't actually figure anything out, ultimately. You think with words which are all inadequate for a complete understanding of life.

You will be more happy if you find friends who are like minded. That doesn't necessarily mean that they describe their perspectives the same way you describe yours, but that they also are moving into some higher plane of understanding, and are placing the same value on things as you do. So for instance, you may become less tied to material things, and so your friends should also have that value.



Since the thinking mind is ultimately a trap and you will have difficulty resisting it's allure, there will be a tendency to feel humans are mechanical and life is a joke. That's the trap. Remember to purposely seek fun, and to continue to educate yourself in history, art, literature, music and spiritual philosophy. I'm not suggesting you convert to a hari krishna, but it's good to know as much as possible about all the major religions and to understand many of the simple but valuable lessons in those traditions. For instance, from india we get the pressing together of the hands near the chest as in prayer, the slight nod foward and the speaking of the word "namaste". This has a feeling to it that is human, spiritual and can't really be described with words, although here is a pretty good description.


if you follow a path of enlightenment, which can take many forms, and as I said you don't have to change cultures, then life will gradually get more and more interesting, every little thing will seem more wondrous, colors will be more vivid (unless you already see vivid colors) and you will stop thinking life is a joke. Actually you will be more serious than most people, yet you may seem less serious to them.



However, don't neglect your financial security - your job or career. Buy real estate as young as you can, preferably by age 25, no later than 30. The potential you are developing can do more with money than without. When you are financially strong and stable you are in a better position to help others or to raise a stable family.

Cheers
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replied October 6th, 2006
Ok, im bi polar..And to me it just sounds liek u view life very differently then everyone else. Im the same..Though my thots arent as wacky..But I just view life different n I think very deeply sometimes. But if u want, see a physciatrist...Get one to evaluate you.
Take care, hope this helped.
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replied October 18th, 2006
Hey There!
I feel the same way and think the same as you do. I used to think I was crazy when I first started thinking this way also. I still do every now and then. The drugs might have done a good thing!! They open your mind to different perspectives. I used to smoke pot all the time and I do it ocassionally. You obviously are intelligent and are not catatonic and ignorant like alot of people. Like sometimes I feel nothing is real, like I am outside of my body and watching myself experience things! It's cool isn't it? Lol. Yeah you do think the way of alot of philosophers. I personally love philosophy! I write alot stuff. So don't worry, you are not crazy. You just see the harsh reality of things. If you look at it, other people who never question anything are the crazy ones! It's everyone else who are not living in reality! Hehe! Just wanted to let you know there are others(including me) who think the same way you do! :p Wink
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replied October 24th, 2006
I Feel the Same
Hi, I feel the same as you, I keep overthinking about the universe and how it never ends and things like that, I fear everyday that I am going crazy. Its a wierd thing to think about. For me I feel that I will never be able to think normally agian and I know that I am not going to go crazy but I keep fearing about it. I do hear myself thinking before I go to bed and it used to scare me but I know that its nothing serius. How we feel is a waste of life. I wouldn't go on any meds, I have read lots about the dangerous affects they do to you, and they make symptoms worse. I would try eating alot more healthy and start taking vitamins and herbs to relax yourself. Get back to me
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replied December 12th, 2006
My Opinion
I don't think it's abnormal for young people of your age. You'd better talk with some adults. The following website maybe useful to you.

Edit
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replied June 24th, 2007
You are not alone, i am the same way today.

"Scared to face another day, Constantly worrying of physical disorders. Find yourself crazy, but yet like the perception. Feel so detached, wondering how to break loose and find yourself."

Diagnosis, I have been reading a couple of disorders and the most relative one I can find is Depersonalization disorder.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonaliza tion_disorder#Key_Texts_.E2.80.93_Books

Just the introduction says many relative things of what you are suffering.

Here's an example.

"Often a victim of DPD feels as if he or she is going insane, though this is almost never the case"

How is that for comfort. Wink
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