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Hypothetical Question For All to Answer

Let's just say that a couple has been dating for oh, I dunno...10 months when they start talking about kids and maybe wanting them one day. The girl says she does but the guy says he doesn't want kids because he is alrady a father. He even goes so far as to tell her that if she (or any other woman for that matter) were to become pregnant he would demand a dna test to confirm paternity. Please note that until this time there has never been a hint of untrust as both knows the other is faithful, or any reason why this should be asked because the relationship thus far has been a good one. His other children who were born out of wedlock were not subjected to such a test, so why now?

Ladies: what would be your reaction to such a request?
Fellas: what would make a man ask this of his lady?

By the way, i'm not pregnant or anything...Just wondering :d
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replied March 16th, 2006
Experienced User
It makes me think that whats happened to him in the past to make him react like that. Maybe he just doesn`t feel he can support anymore kids which is more of a responsible attitude towards having children. The past may have shaped his views for future relationships after all kids are a life long commitment, but if he needs a dna test to prove its his child when both parties have been faithful I don`t think i`d want to have a child with someone like that.

If he doesn`t want childresn and she does then I would have to think of my future with him and whether he was the right person for me!
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replied March 16th, 2006
Conflicting views on certain things are ok. But kids is not one of them. 10 months is a long time, but 3 or 4 years from now will make it that much harder. It is definately something that needs talking about. If he is 100% sure, no doubt in his mind what so ever, and the same for her, then there is unfortunately only one solution. If, however, one of the two is"mostly" sure, that leaves room for "changing one's mind someday" and i'd say wait, "if" the relationship is worth it.

Now as for the dna test. It is more than likely a previous issue. I have a friend who everyone is convinced is paying for a kid that is not his. And he's too attached to the kid to find out the kid's not his. But future kids will be verified. Don't take it personal, guys like all people use experience as a guide. And sometimes it doesn't come out the right way. In fact, most of thetime it doesn't.

Good luck
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replied March 16th, 2006
Experienced User
I would want to get to the bottom of why he feels the need to have a paternity test, I mean if you can't trust the person you're with then you defintely should not be having children together. The whole trust issue is a tricky one because sometimes it has nothing to do with your current relationships, but it extends from your partner's past relationships and how they went. Overall, if I had gotten pregnant and he insisted on a paternity test, I would want to have a thorough talk about why he feels this way before taking the test.

Also, maybe it's just me...But doesn't it seem is bit early to be thinking about having children together when the relationship itself is only 10 months along?
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replied June 16th, 2009
Experienced User
if my boyfriend/husband asked for a dna test
i would go and get one done to make his insecurity
of the child not being his go away. i think the only reason why women refuse is because they have something
to hide. but also i wouldnt be the happiest if my bf asked me to get one done, but id atleast put his mind at ease and go and do it.
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replied July 31st, 2009
lie will make the hole thing worse for me tell him everything he need to now if he is your he ll not leave
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replied July 31st, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Your boyfriend doesn't want additional children period. He has already been a father. He will not willingly allow it to happen again. If his kid(s) are not cool enough for you I would move on and find someone who has a positive outlook on generating offspring.

He has brought up the paternity test as a statement of how adamant he will be about his position. Also its possible that he has had a vasectomy and is warning you about the paternity test because he already knows what the result will be.
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