Medical Questions > Relationships > Single and Struggling Forum

Calling Older Virgins (Page 1)

I'm 29 years old and a virgin. For the record i'm not happy being a virgin, but i'm not looking for advice on how to get laid because I don't think that sort of thing works. (it's kind of like telling a depressed person to "just cheer up").

What I would like is to talk to other older virgins. So much of our society revolves around sex and relationships, very often I feel like an outsider. All my friends are attached and i'm sick of being the third wheel too. It would be nice to talk to someone I can actually relate to for once.
Did you find this post helpful?
|

replied March 15th, 2006
Experienced User
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being an "older virgin" and your right society does place too value on sex. However I do think relationships are extremely important, and no matter how independent and "above it all" we like to pretend we are...No one wants to live out their lives alone. We want to share our experiences and joys, our ups and downs with someone who totally connects with us...A soul partner. If you want to achieve this, maybe you can concentrate on what you love to do, what are your passions?Hobbies? As long as theses things get you out of the house there'll probably be someone out there who shares these things too. You may consider yourself sexless but this is probably because you haven't yet met the "right one". :)
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 15th, 2006
Where did you read in my post that I consider myself sexless?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 15th, 2006
Experienced User
A thousand apologises oneofthesun!!! Your post reminded me of when I was living with my ex..The passion long since gone...Feeling kind of dead inside....And not feeling attractive or even being able to relate to another person.....I felt sexless. I think I said "you may consider yourself sexless"...With many posters they tend to leave vital information out and it leaves the responders guessing or as in my case totally missing the mark. Again I apologize.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 16th, 2006
Thanks for being so nice. Maybe my answer was a bit short because i'm not sexless, i'm sexually frustrated!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 16th, 2006
Experienced User
I have a lot of friends that are in their mid-twenties and are still virgins..It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's not like it's what makes you you. Assuming you've already tried to get out there and meet people and try your luck, don't feel that you need to jump into bed with just anyone. It has to be special. Or at least not worthy of regretting the next morning. The best thing I can tell you is not to go out of your way to find someone to sleep with because then that could come across as desperate. It'll happen eventually.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 17th, 2006
Experienced User
Ashlee, I don't think oneofthesun is ashamed or even think there's something "wrong" with being an older virgin. Oneofthesun is "sexually frustrated" and wants to talk with other older virgins too. Is that right?
Anyway, being sexually frustrated isn't really problem as if all else fails, at least the hands still work, eh? And in my opinion whatever the prob is there's no shortage of willing partners out there...If an old broad like me(43) can still turn heads and get "offers" than someone younger shouldn't have a problem. What i'm guessing is...Oneofthesun probably has higher standards and doesn't just want any "ya-hoo" to share his/her life with. I've met many many people...Some absolutely gorgeous(in my eyes anyway!), but when I thought about it....Do I want to wake up next to this? What if this person talks to me(ie. They're not too bright)? If I start something odds are it won't last so how do I get out of it gracefully?
Oneofthesun said he/she didn't want advice on getting "laid" so maybe the advice should be geared towards on finding the "right person"

oneofthesun, i'm not an older virgin.....But in my current situation I guess you could call me a "born again virgin".....And if I got it wrong again so sorry....In that case....I'll quit while i'm behind. :lol:
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 17th, 2006
Experienced User
spirit wrote:
if an old broad like me(43) can still turn heads and get "offers" than someone younger shouldn't have a problem.



that's not always the case though. Just because you're older and can still attract people doesn't mean that everyone else younger than you "shouldn't have a problem". I mean, that's great if you still turn heads and all, but there's many people who can't do that while they're young and some people just plain do not attract large amounts of people. Sometimes it's a physical thing, sometimes it's not.

I do agree that society places a lot of pressure on people to have sex, especially in today's society than it did 20 years ago (when you, spirit, were in your mid-twenties), and 20 years before that. It's hard to relate to someone who is different from you in many aspects.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 19th, 2006
Experienced User
Let's see...I meant young people, especially if your a woman, you "shouldn't have a problem" if you just want sex. If that's all they want i'm quite sure they would get lots of takers. But of course, most thinking persons want more...Much more. And definitely didn't want to imply that i'm "all that".......Far, far from it.
Let's face it....If a woman is giving "it" away, there will be someone there to take it, physically beautiful or not.
What do we really want?
Well I can't speak for others but I want someone who doesn't "judge" me and has that little extra something that makes them "shine" and stand out from the others. Physical attraction becomes less and less important as you become older.
I agree that everyone is different....But ultimately we're all the same...Don't we all want the same thing?Someone who loves and accepts us for who we really are? :)
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied March 19th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Hi guys.

I'm not a virgin anymore but I was a virgin until I was 31. There is nothing wrong with that.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 19th, 2006
spirit wrote:
let's face it....If a woman is giving "it" away, there will be someone there to take it, physically beautiful or not.


that's true, and men can always get a hooker. So really no one is forced to stay a virgin. I do have to keep reminding myself that it is a choice. But sometimes the choice sucks... My choices are to stay a virgin or go with a man twice my age who has a daddy complex, because those are the only types I can attract. Which wouldn't even be so bad if I didn't have a medical condition where I have to be extra careful about catching something - those guys are don't care much about protection.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 19th, 2006
Experienced User
I wouldn't say those are your only choices... You never know what might happen. You could meet someone tomorrow.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied March 19th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
oneofthesun wrote:
spirit wrote:
let's face it....If a woman is giving "it" away, there will be someone there to take it, physically beautiful or not.


that's true, and men can always get a hooker. So really no one is forced to stay a virgin. I do have to keep reminding myself that it is a choice. But sometimes the choice sucks... My choices are to stay a virgin or go with a man twice my age who has a daddy complex, because those are the only types I can attract. Which wouldn't even be so bad if I didn't have a medical condition where I have to be extra careful about catching something - those guys are don't care much about protection.



what medical condition do you have?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied March 19th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
I think one should have sex when one is ready. I know I was when I got older. I was raised up with a lot of moral values in a latin country so in my 20's I wasn't ready emotionally to have sex out of the wedlock. It was a good thing I did not because I wasn't ready. When I moved to america I found it difficult to cope with moral values and the way americans live. Meet many guys that were inmediatly not interested after knowing my thoughts about sex. Lol and I think I lost a guy whom I almost marry due to me wanting to wait. Oh so many stories.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 19th, 2006
Um, i've said too much. If I tell you my whole story you won't sympathize, it is something normal people don't understand and don't want to. So nevermind my previous post.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 20th, 2006
Experienced User
Nightangel, that's probably one of the main reasons i'm attracted to people from other cultures.....The way boys and girls are raised or not raised in north america and other countries is frightening. There doesn't appear to be any guidelines, no morality and an "anything goes attitude". The objective seems to be: get ahead no matter what and use and abuse as many people as you can. Even men my age don't bother trying to be gentlemen....It's like their waiting around for some woman to jump on them....As if!!!! Hang on to your morals...It's what makes you special. :)

oneofthesun, well, people call me ab-normal... So you can tell me....Besides the evidence is all over the place,eh?Just kidding. And ashlee's right, I found a really good one at the ripe old age of 38. :)
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 20th, 2006
Well if the evidence is all over the place then I guess you already know.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 21st, 2006
Experienced User
Haha ripe old age :p

good for you! =)
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 31st, 2006
Well i"m a 29 year old virgin too.

I figured everything out. It took me yet another failed attempt to get into a relationship to realize why things are as they are.

Here it is in short (of course judging by myself, but maybe you can find yourself in the whole thing)

1. I have self confidence issue, meaning that I don't have problems approaching women or talking to them, or even kissing them and having closer encounter, however I have self confidence issues about my body. I just feel very akward when a women touches me simply because I think she might be disgusted or something. Nothing wrong with my body, everything's in place, but i'm 30-40 pounds overweight then I should be and I just don't like my body.

I finally realized that this is very visible to both women and men in general, even though I don't have to say anything and it's a big turn off no matter what. 95% of women notices it and just doesn't want to be with someone like that. It's very hard to look pass that for many people. Everything else is completely irrelevant. In my case, since i'm a guy, I know that girls wouldn't care that i'm a virgin just as long as I was confident, take control type of guy and just take them, even though I might suck at it for the first time. As far as i've told by many people, first time having sex with someone no matter whether you're a virgin or not, just plain sucks. It sucks because the partners don't know each other, don't know what they like and so on. It takes time to have great sex, or that's what i've been told. The bottom line is, having sex is not rocket science, every single human being can do it.

Solution:
you might not be overweight, but the conclusion I came across is that you should definitely work on everything that makes you feel bad about yourself. I mean everything. There's no other way.

I need and I think others with similar problem to get up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror and just feel great. Come out of that bathroom feeling great about yourself, both mentally and physically.

I can say one thing, all of my problems will be definitely solved when I lose weight for example. That's me. I am pretty successful in my life in business, I do what I love, I have everything that I pretty much wanted except physical appearance. This is where my world crumbles. I just don't feel comfortable with my body, this also leads to great insecurity with my penis size for example, which i'm sure at 5-5.5" is not small, but when I look at myself in the mirror it just looks worse then it is. Because of that, I can't expect anyone else to love me if I don't love myself in that way. It's possible of course, but very rare and this is why i'm still a virgin too.

Another thing why i'm a virgin is simply because I lived the life of carreer and education. Nothing wrong with that, but I realized that I dedicated all my energy to it, because I kept getting dissapointed with my connection with women and my weight. It also goes hand in hand. Very connected.


2. These insecurities and lack of self confidence in general makes me a poor relationship partner. I just don't have experience. This leads to another problem. Possesivness and jelaousy, distrust in your partner, leading into a disaster each and every time.

Girl just dumped me again, and this one really hurts, because I thought this would be the girl I could be with and feel comfortable with. But what i've learned out of the whole thing is that once i'm completely secure in myself, I won't really care whether that person might cheat on me, or ask her questions if she cares about me etc. This is what has drawn away this last girl. Of course that not all people will be nice and perfect partner for you or me, but feeling good about yourself and loving yourself makes it much easier to keep going on with your life. No depression, nothing. You realize, hey I am confident, there's other people out there and obviously that relationship didn't work and you go on.

Right now, because this girl left me, I feel like crap in general, sometimes I want to cry. But I realized, I don't want to cry because she left me, I want to cry because I am still at the point where I was before, alone, unhappy and still hating my body. For example, I know that she would totally love me and be even more attracted to me if I was extremely confident, appearance has little to do with why we're not together. She even told me that, how come I can be so confident in my business, be successful and have so little self confidence when it comes to relationship and myself. She was dead on.


Well that's it. I think that the most important thing that we all virgins lack is self confidence. As soon as you are confident and you love yourself you become very attractive to everyone.

I might be wrong though, but that's how I feel. I'm working my body and plan on getting to my target weight in the next 4 months. I'll let you know how it goes.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 1st, 2006
Experienced User
I'm glad you came to that realization, and at such a young age, bravo!
Most people never get there....It's always someone else's fault, genetics, or lifes circumstances.
If you keep this up, you'll turn into a heck of a man.
I'd also recommend taking a public speaking course, that will not only help with personal relationships, but also with any professional career path you choose. :)
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Quick Reply