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I Can't Believe Something This Small Might Break Us Up!

I have been dating my boyfriend (for the second time) for almost 5 months now. Things have been going well for the most part. An old guy friend of mine whom I have never dated, only been friends with calls me from time to time. Lately he has been sending text messages with nothing in them other than hello and neutral things like that. Well my boyfriend took it upon himself to go through my phone and browse around. He found the messages and is furious. He said its a trust issue and he isn't sure that he can be with me cause there is no trust now. He doesn't buy that I am only friends with this man because he says "i know how men are". He doesn't believe we are only friends and nothing more. I have given him no other reason to think something is. I feel it's a trust issue in the first place for him going through my phone to begin with. He shouldn't have done it I don't think. I asked him last night if I was going to get to see him friday night and he said "i don't know if I want to see you tomorrow, I will call you". I have aplogized over and over and asked the other guy not to text on nights I know I will be with my boyfriend and I don't know what else I can do. I refuse to tell my old friend not to contact me at all because he is my friend and we have known one another for a long time. I am not throwing that away for anyone simply because he has a penis!!!!!
I think he is over reacting anyhow, he acts like I have slept with someone, I think he is going too far with this and he is punishing me. What do you all think? Who is right here? Should I end it first? That is what it is leading to i'm afraid.
:oops:
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replied March 13th, 2006
Experienced User
Your not going to like this but I agree with your beau. Whether it's true or not is not the point, the point is he's threatened by the other man. If you respect his wishes and want to continue in a good relationship I recommend distancing yourself from the male friend. Would you feel comfortable with him having a female friend with whom he confided with?It's nice to have your own little cheering section and it's probably a great boost to the ego but the male friend is a threat to your relationship. Consider his feelings but make sure it's not just about control. Your beau should be your best friend not another man. :)
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replied January 30th, 2007
a Little Overboard
Well, as far as I see it, you probably should've told your boyfriend about this old friend. If you did, that's good.
However, I don't think he had any right to look through your phone like that. That's invasion of privacy, even if you'd be married. Also, I think that just means he's suspicious and doesn't trust you. And he definetly blew the whole thing out of proportion. If you apologized, he should let it go and just say "let me know these things next time", or something along the lines of not hiding things anymore. But if that's how he reacted, it's time to let him know he was in the wrong for going through your phone, not you.
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replied January 30th, 2007
Experienced User
Re: I Can't Believe Something This Small Might Break Us Up!
Whoaaaaa--------!!!

First off- if this friend of yours is disrupting the relationship in a bad way- then your boyfriend has reason for concern. He has *no* business ditacting to you- with who you can and can not talk to!! For him to look through your cell... Major *.B.S.*! What gives him that right?? The only exception I would give for him, is if he had reason to be concerned..And you were hiding this friend from him- might make him subspicous, like taking late calls- or staying on the cell for long periods of time. Or constantly meeting up with him. I would totally not waste my time with this controlling freak- if he can not let you talk to your friends..Who in the heck died and made him king? He knows how men are? He meant- he knows what he would do. Not the entire male species are the same.

Cut this fish loose- if he can't trust you, let you talk to your friends, is going sneaking around looking through your things... Honey- get some pride- you should still have the freedom to do what you did before you got into this relationship. If it alters in his favor...That's not fair. Sounds like he wants you under his thumb...And I think he needs to sit on his thumb- to be perfectly honest.

I would tell him- you know- this isn't working for me. If I cannot talk to friends, that I have known for years.. Then I am goign to have to move on. We are not married, and I do not control who you are friends with, so why would it be any different for me? If you truely care.. You would trust me- and you don't. I wish you luck.

This is just my opinion. I really dont' think that's cool...I have gone through something very similar- to the point it went out of control. I was under this kid's thumb like a scared wife..And we weren't even married/engaged! Constent checking in, [i work in the medical field- it gets real busy at times,] like 3-5 calls a day. What has changed in a few hours... To call so much- god only knows! Anyways...I was talking with my ex- only because I helped him fianically- he owed me on a car loan I helped him get. That was the only tie we had- he even lived 5 states away- and our relationship ended on a really bad note [he cheated on me and decided to call me up drunk and tell me.] he got obssessed with him- to the point it wasn't healthy anymore. Controlling everything- he went through my phone too- I am surprised he didn't call him. He wanted me to put him on speakerphone so he could ensure it was just business. I refused- that isn't only wrong.. But my fiancial concerns are not his business. We are not married..Even if we were- this was my problem not his. He ended up making it worse.. I had two (_)_)s screaming at me.

I don't want that to happen to you. If this guy knows you just want him and no one else- and he should know that- then there should be no probelm- especially if these are childihood friends.

Tell him to back off or stfu Smile

good luck!

-=red=-
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replied January 30th, 2007
Experienced User
I Think He Had Every Right to Snoop...
If you gave him reason to, I think he was justified in snooping. Maybe he has noticed you leaving the room to take a call or texting? Maybe you've been acting strange, maybe protective of your phone? Mmhmm, i'm guessing he just didn't all of a sudden pick up your phone and start rummaging. When people can own up to their part in something, then the dust can settle and a neutral ground established. If you two are in love you can work it out. Key word in that sentence is "work". Just count your lucky stars you aren't married and going through this!
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replied January 30th, 2007
Experienced User
There is a very simple rule that no one is pointing out. This is a basic thing that follows everyone. If you are looking for something your gona find something (period) .

What I think? If you have never dated this guy nor ever had feelings for him I see no harm in talking to him. Your boyfriend should understand this...If you guys have security issues in the past thoes need to be setled now. Once trust is lost in a relatinship...Its super super hard to get it back regardless how well things are going.
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