Medical Questions > Parenting > Single Parents Forum

Parental Concerns With a Adult Daughter And Teenage Daughter

A parent has a 19 year old daughter and a 14 year old daughter. The parent constantly worries about the 19 year old and barely worries about the 14 year old because she believe that the 14 year old knows what she is doing, strong, mature, independent and responsible and the 19 year old is fragile, naive, immature, and dependent. While growing up, the parent never really worry about the 14 year old and always worry about the 19 year old. The parent says "because the 14 yr old is strong I never have to worry about her. She knows what she is doing. Wherever she goes, I never have to worry about her. Even if she has a problem, she knows how to find the right people for help. I am ok with her. She is unlike the 19 yr old when I have to worry about her about everything ever since birth. She is nothing like her younger sister. She functions like a preteen. Comparing to other people her age, she was a very late maturer since birth." it is normal for parents to give care to the child when they need it, but they have to understand that bwtween an adult and teenager, they have to worry about the teenager more. There is a lot about teenagers that parents need to be aware of, peer pressure, etc. When you are a child, parents need to worry about it. When you are over 18 you are expected to think for yourself, whether you are mature or not. Right??? So why are these parents treating the 19 year old like a 10 year old, and treating the 14 year old like a 30 year old??? I don't understand. I feel that some parents are sometimes overly confident about children, while some are too nervous and give too much care to adult children. I wonder what is wrong. Is the parent wrong for doing this? Who's right? Who't wrong? Who should the parent worry about more?
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replied March 20th, 2006
Experienced User
What relationship are you to these people?

As a parent myself I know my child pretty well and know when he needs input from me and when its safe for him to just work it out himself. The parents might have good cause to worry about the nineteen yr old and good reason to trust the judgement of the fourteen yr old. Not knowing these people personally, I couldn't offer any other advice.
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replied March 24th, 2006
Experienced User
Every child is different and everybody's experience is different. Having said that I agree there is reason for concern...There's numerous examples of families with say a handicapped child or a child with a terminal illness...And these children require extra care. Often the other siblings feel left out, neglected and unloved.....And because of necessity, mature faster than their peers. This can also be the case here....The immature 19 year old is getting all the attention...And probably part of the personality enjoys this attention. Since some people believe they can't get attention by doing good they take the easy way out and "screw up" all the time.

The 14 year old needs attention, recognition, hugs and love. The parents should not heave a sigh of relief....Cause given the wrong kind of attention...This could easily change. If children are not getting recognition at home....They will look for it elsewhere. :)
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