:( hi all,im 20 and live with my partner.I was independent at a young age but thats another story,anyway I have been with my bf for almost 4 years and he loves me so much.I met him when I was going through some things in life and we hit it off straight away.To cut a long story short we dated long distance and in the end I moved here(3 years ago)to be with him.Our relationship has been full of ups and downs,but we've always worked through them,but about three months ago I started feeling like I want to be single and out with my friends,i tell him when im drunk that its over and that im not ready to settle down,but the next day I can't bring myself to tell him again sober.He just carries on like nothing happened.
He wants to marry soon and the kids and the whole caboodle but im focused more on life and my career.
Another thimg is I don't want sex from him anymore but he is so attractive and girls swoon over him when we go out,but im not interested in doing anything.I don't want to break his heart and cause ive moved away from home im mostly alone.My friends are not in a relationships and have no idea what its like.!!!!!!1
i used to want everything in life to happen with him,now when he comes home I wish he didn't sometimes..... : :cry: I don't know what to do?
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replied February 25th, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
If you aren't happy, then you aren't happy. There's nothing that can make that untrue.

That being said: you're not married, i'm gathering you don't have children.... What's the problem? You say "he loves me so much," but never even hint at loving him. Are you afraid no one else will love you and you might be giving that up? That's ridiculous.

Also, how old is he? I'm guessing by the difference in life goals here that he must be older. That's something that you have to consider... People are at different stages of their lives when they're different ages.

I'm not going to pretend to know what's happening, but this is what I gather from your post: you've been with this guy for a really long time. You don't want to settle down.. Least of all with him... But you also are afraid to leave. You've gotten so comfortable with being in a relationship that you don't know how to be out of one. Also, the fact that he was basically your knight in shining armor when you were having some tough times makes it even harder for you to leave because you feel like you owe it to him to stay. Am I close?

If he is just pretending nothing is happening after your drunken confessions, he is apparently having a problem, too. He obviously knows how you feel, but he probably thinks that, because you say it when you're drunk, he can pretend it never happened and not have to confront it. But you have to confront it. And the sooner the better. You don't want to be cruel to the man, but you also don't want to spend the rest of your life being unhappy and wondering what your life could have been like. You're young, and there's no reason for you to have to stop your life just because a man wants something you don't. The only strings attaching you here are emotional and, while emotional strings are tough, they can also be broken.

Sorry this is so long. Good luck to you, and I hope you get everything you want.
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replied March 13th, 2006
Well kelly it sounds to me like you have made your decision, especially if this is how you have been feeling for a while. I was in a relationship more than once when it was over for them for they held that back from me momentarily. That hurt more than anything the fact they couldn't just be real with me about the way they felt. It just hurt so bad that they drug it out knowing all the while they were done with me and wasting one anothers time.
Someone told me something once and it may be beneficial to you as well. At first I thought it sounded mean but it makes sense.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Good luck
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