Medical Questions > Abortion > Medical Abortion Forum

My Partner Wants Me to Abort Our Baby...

I need some advice please...

I suffer from endometriosis & pcos, for the first time ever (in 6 yrs) i've managed to get pregnant and past the difficult stage.

The only problem is my oh isn't at all happy about the news.

We didn't use contraception as I was told last august I def couldn't conceive.

I'm over the moon, but my partners said at 27 he feels like he's too young and immature to be a dad. Initially I told him i'd do it, but then I realised I couldn't cope with that kind of decision so I told him that I was keeping it, he got really upset. I've told him i'm going to have an abortion again now but the problem is it could be my only ever chance of having a child.

I'm also catholic so if I did do it i'd be commiting a grave sin.

I would rather be dead myself than abort but I can't seem to get the message across. Last night I sat up crying as i'm so upset about it all.

I love my oh to pieces and I don't want to hurt him, but I don't want to blow my only chance either.
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replied February 19th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Welcome! This is your choice and yours alone, do not allow your boy friend or parents to tell you what to do it is your body and your choice. We are here for you whatever you decide to do! The main question is is are you ready to be a mother, if not, you can always adopt or abort or continue on and raise the baby-to-be, their are a lot of single parents out there.
Good luck with your decision!
Remember please that we are here for you!
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replied February 20th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
I guess you can see your partner's point of view in this -- he honestly believed that he wasn't risking an unwanted pregnancy by having unprotected sex. He knew he isn't ready to be a father.

But this isn't his decision anymore, and you should not let him talk you into doing something you don't want to do. Ultimately, you may have to choose between your relationship with him, and your chance of having your own child. In your situation, if you wanted a child in future, either with him or with someone else, and were unable to get pregnant again, I suspect you would be very angry and resentful. You need to think about your future, and what you want. Nothing is ever guaranteed -- if you do go ahead with an abortion, there is nothing that guarantees your relationship with your partner will survive anyway. You might end up hating him, or you might drift apart. If you go ahead and have the baby, you may find yourself a single parent and have to face the resentment of someone who is trapped into being a parent, but if having a child is important to you, then you need to make that choice. He is only thinking of what he wants right now -- it doesn't seem like he is understanding how you are feeling about this.

What I am trying to say is that there are no promises -- a lot of men do come around once the baby turns up, and a lot don't. You might even go off your partner once you have a baby. Or the two of you might decide to make a go of it, but somehow it doesn't work out. But all of that can happen whether you have the abortion, or whether you have the baby. The pregnancy, whatever you decide, is going to change the relationship between you and your partner.
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replied February 20th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Hi there,
well this is a hard one, I agree with what others have said it is your choice and your body but your partner is the father so does have a right to his say - by this I dont mean let him pressure you in to anything.

You say this might be your only chance of being a mother, have you explained this to him and how you feel. You both need to have a real good conversation about this (no arguements just talk it through) I think if you love each other he may come to realize that this may be the only chance he has to be a father and come round to the idea.
I guess there is always chance you could end up alone, you have to prepare yourself. How old are you?
Whatever you do don't let yourself be pushed around talk to your partner if this doesnt help, make up your decision on what you want to do then stick to it. Letting others push you into a decision could leave you bitter and resentful.

Good luck with this! Keep us posted
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replied February 20th, 2006
Re
Hiya,

i've thought about it 1000 times.

The worst thing that could happen is I have an abortion and I can't conceive in the future which I know is a big possibility. My dr and gynae said this would be my first and last chance and it's a miracle i've conceived anyway.

My mate said i'd make an excellent mum with or without my partner, although ideally with him.

He's still really adamant about the abortion, i've explained that the dr and gynae are concerned and that they'd want me to have councelling before hand. He keeps saying thank you but I don't think he's considering my situation at all. He's just thinking about himself.

I'm really gutted as he can go and have kids with someone else in the future. This could be my only chance!!!

I guess i've made my decision but i'm just so confused. I just don't know what to do for the best. Think an abortion would kill me.
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replied February 20th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Abit confused is your decision to abort then? Because if it is after reading your post I would strongly advise against it, I dont think you are in a strong enough frame of mind to go through an abortion.
Yes your partner will be the father and yes it will affect him but the doctors are even calling this your miracle your one chance to be a real mother, I dont think anyone has the right to try and take that away from you. Be strong and listen to your heart! We are all here to help and support you, pm me anytime. Good luck to you!
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replied February 20th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
If you have an abortion you need to be 100% sure about it and it needs to be your decision as opposed to just caving into the pressure your partner would appear to be giving to the option of terminating.

Have you explained to him that you are against the idea of terminating and why?
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replied February 21st, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
It is your body, so it is your choice what you want to do with it and its contents. However, as others have said, you must sit down and have a good, long talk with your partner about this. Some guys come around, but others don't - you'll never know until you talk things over.

Also, as the result of your medical history...How could you be sure that you would carry this child to term anyway? I'm not saying that the possibility of miscarriage is grounds for abortion, but i'm just asking out of curiousity.
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replied February 21st, 2006
Experienced User
Cambion, she has endo and pcos, she can carry the baby to term. It is an ovary disorder. Endo is kinda like scar tissue, but once you have conceived you beat it. I have a three year old for proof. I too suffer from endo and pcos, it is very difficult to conceive. I just wanted to tell you not to let anyone make a decision you might regret in the future. I agree that this is a miracle and could be your only chance, you need to determine which is more important: making your man mad or having a baby, possibly on your own. It seems like you are not 100% on abortion. I think you should keep the baby, but i'm biased.
Ashlee
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replied February 21st, 2006
Especially eHealthy
It sounds like you need to somehow make your partner see why this child is so important to you. I am getting the sense in your post that this child is an major life step for you! I really feel you shouldn't abort, and i'm pro-choice! It's obviously not my choice, but I know that if I was in your situation, I would keep the child. If the boyfriend is meant to be, then he'll come around eventually and love his child. But this was a very rare chance for you to become pregnant; and if you want the child then I don't think the chance should be wasted just because your boyfriend has cold feet.
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replied February 25th, 2006
Experienced User
bahahahahahaha123 wrote:
acoles70 wrote:
but i'm biased.


no, you are just pro punishment.


do you feel the need to quote everything I say? I think I have a cyberstalker.
Ashlee
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replied February 26th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Stop arguing. This is the .Abortion forum, not the .Debate forum.
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replied February 26th, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
If you really, really want to keep this baby, and it's safe for you to do so, I say keep it. But if you do leave your boyfriend, acknowledge that he wanted nothing to do with it and don't go after child support. Well, unless he asks to be involved after the birth.
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replied April 4th, 2006
It is your decision, not his. You are the one who will have to live with yourself if you do something you don't want to do. If you don't feel it's right, don't let him pressure you into doing it. Try talking to him. Tell him that you feel this could be your only chance to have a child and you don't want to lose that chance. If he loves you he should understand and try to respect how you feel. If you are pushed into something you will regret it. If you make the decision on your own you may not. A lot of people have children before they are ready to be a parent, but when it happens a lot of people take responsibility. Good luck!
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replied June 10th, 2010
Abortion or Not?
I know this thread is pretty old, but this response is for those just discovering this issue and are faced with the same problem. I am a young woman, highly fertile and pregnant twice before. My first pregnancy was not at all planned, our birth control failed and so did the morning after pill. I was in my first year of college and I was not ready to be a mother, especially not with my boyfriend at the time. That first pregnancy made me put my entire life into perspective, I loved my boyfriend but I loved my unborn child even more. We weren't in the best financial situation to have a child and I feared for my baby's quality of life. I made the decesion to abort all on my own. We stayed together for a short while afterwards but I found out that he had been sleeping with another woman who turned up pregnant. He was always agaisnt my decesion and he explained that the abortion was why he cheated, but it was MY DECESION, I trusted my judgement and it proved right. My now ex-boyfriend has a little girl and is doing horribly financially, and they can't afford the bare minimum. I knew that wouldve been me if I didn't think with my head. A couple of months later I get wise to the game, brought a few months supply of birth control pills and meet the love of my life. We are still together now and despite our attempts to avoid becoming pregnant, our methods failed too. I turned up pregnant and was faced with one of the hardest decesions of my life. This choice was much harder than the last because the man I was with was someone whom I cared for dearly, more than any other I had been with. He didn't want the child for fear it would impose on our quality of life at the time. So in love was I, that I aborted another, sacrificed the innocent. I can tell you how much I regret that decesion. I didn't take into account my feelings of wanting to become a mother and settling down. The child was mine and it was by someone I love so much. Not a day goes by that I don;t think of the baby, eye color, hair color, names, the whole nine. But he doesn;t regret it at all. I threw my child away to please my boyfriend and he threw his child away to keep his wallet fat, so either way the kid didn't have a chance. I am the only one losing out on sleep, crying at pampers commericals and staring at young children glassy eyed. I hate myself but the decesion is irreversible. The choice is ultimately the woman's and the man has some say in it but he cannot finalize. Both man and woman sacrifice the rest of their lives the moment intercourse takes place, protected or unprotected. Both parties need to take sex serioulsy especially if you can't see yourself pregnant or a parent in the near future. Having a baby is a blessing and a beautiful gift from God. Do not insult Him by destroying His gift, you will only end up miserable and unhappy. Dont put yourself through it, there is no need to visit me in Hell.
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