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Preg By Abusive Husband (Page 1)

I just left my husband about a month ago, he became very abusive and I was scared of him so I left. Now I just found out im pregnant. What should I do? Im kind of freekin out. I want this baby but im scared to do it alone. When I told him I was preg he said he will change (i have heard that b4). He is also tellin me now he will take classes. I dont know what to do. Any advice?
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replied February 19th, 2006
Supporter
Aww hun, i'm so sorry that you had to go through that! No woman deserves to go through that--ever!!!

First of all you need to do what's best for you, no one else! I'm not going to solve your problems by telling you to keep your baby or not, but you are obviously a very strong woman..... You left your husband right? Keep being strong!

But I will tell you that just because you're single doesn't mean you can't raise a baby. My mom did just fine, and my aunt, and my cousin, and my friends... Get my drift?

Please, please, please don't go back to him!
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replied February 19th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Congrats on your pregnancy. I think you should stay away from him. Men like that dont change, or they change for a few months like everything is ok, until something happens to pi'ss them off and they lose it with you again. You want your baby in that environment? My neighbour's boyfriend is like that, and they recently had all 5 kids taken off them by social services because she chose her abusive violent boyfriend over her own children.

You dont need his support to get through pregnancy or raise a child. Lots of single mothers out there do a great job of it. Would be good if you have some family nearby for support, or friends?

But if you really want him back, you could see him but ****not**** live with him,make sure hes going to anger management classes or some sort of counselling help for his anger issues, or refuse to even see him.
Dont go back just on his say that he will change. They are empty words, wait until you see hes doing something to get help.

Dont go back after you've been so brave by leaving him in the first place, unless you know for sure you and the baby are safe. Be careful, goodluck
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replied February 19th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Im sure u can do it. You were brave enough to leave so you im sure you would make an excellent mother. U dont have to go through it alone thats why we are all here. My mom left my dad when I was 2 cuz he was verbally abusive and an all around.
good luck
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replied February 19th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Hi there! I totally understand what you are talking about when you say that he said that he will change, I too have heard this b4 so many times that it stinks, I have learned that if they change for a month that you are doing good. When I got preg. I felt that we could make it and he would change with the pregnancy and all, I was 5 months pg thenand we went back together and two weeks later he beat the heck out of me, kicked me in the stomach several times with cowboy boots on, I spent 31 hours in pain, losing blood, the dr knew their was no hope so he helped me to abort. You know what your choices are and I hope you make the right one for you and the baby to be. Their are alot of places to go nowadays that they did not have at that time, people to talk to and we are here for you for whatever choice you choose! Please try to remember that stress is not good for any pregnancy.
Cogratulations!
Good luck!
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replied February 19th, 2006
Experienced User
Re: Preg By Abusive Husband
sososo wrote:
i just left my husband about a month ago, he became very abusive and I was scared of him so I left. Now I just found out im pregnant. What should I do? Im kind of freekin out. I want this baby but im scared to do it alone. When I told him I was preg he said he will change (i have heard that b4). He is also tellin me now he will take classes. I dont know what to do. Any advice?


hey
I know what its like to go through something abusive especially when women who are pregnant. I almost lost my son when I was 8month pregnant because my exboyfriend pushed me and almost hit the bed post... Do you think I would want to go back to someone who don't deserve the beating like that. You can always put a restraint order if he goes over his head by not leaving you and the unborn child. I dont think its best for you to go back and listen to what he has to say. I mean any man will say a word to get your attention but in reality .. He isnt going to change. I went through both of my ex ( my baby father's and my recent ex) abusive stage and it causes alot of problem for me to recover but however I think you should be better off alone and you can do it alone.. Just be brave and say I can do it .. You have your family support.. Do you? If so then they will help you along and .. Get some counseling as well.

I hope I helped
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replied February 19th, 2006
Thank You
Thanks for the advice you guys. Right now im just staying at my parents house (they dont know im preg). Im scared to tell them because I dont want them to preasure me to do something I dont want to do. My husband keeps calling me and honestly all I want to do is run back into his arms and believe him that he will change but after I read everyones stories I know I cant just run back to him this time. It's scary as hell to for me to think abut raising a baby on my own. I dont know how much my family and friends will help. They never really liked my husband so im scared they wont except the baby. Im tryin so hard not to stress out for the sake of the baby but it's so hard not to be stressed when all of this is going on. Anyway thatnks for letting me vent and thank you for all your help.


Ps-some of the stories u ladies were telling me were so sad, god bless you all for everything u went through.
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replied February 19th, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
Don't be afraid to tell your family. I know that's hard to actually do... Heck, I was afraid, myself... But you have to understand that, because your family loves you, they will love that baby. It's not the baby's fault who his/her father is, and no one has any right to hold anything against a child who hasn't even been born yet!

As a matter of fact, the fact that they don't like your husband is all the more reason to tell them. They aren't very likely to tell you the right thing would be to go back to them now, are they? They'd be insane to say that. They could just be the local support you very much need right now.

You be strong, and remember we can all at least be here for you when you need to vent or need some advice.
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replied February 19th, 2006
Experienced User
Quote:
it's scary as hell to for me to think abut raising a baby on my own.


do you really think you wouldn't be doing it on your own even if you were with him? Crap, I was more of a single mom when I was married than I was after I left him! I've raised my son completely on my own since the day he was born, and it wasn't until he was 14 months old that I left my husband. After I left him and was back closer to family and friends, I had more support than ever!
Just because your family never liked your husband doesn't mean that they won't support you and help you with your child. My parents never liked my husband either, but my son is their grandchild and they love him infinitely. Yes, your child is a product of your husband and yourself, but it's also their grandchild. And considering your parents are letting you live there to get yourself out of a bad situation, they seem like alright people. Not the kind of leave you hanging, kwim? Best of luck to you!
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replied February 19th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Hey, you cannot hide it forever, the sooner, the better although they might be in a little shock at first they might just be your best support system. How far along are you? Have you been to the Dr. And rec'd your pre-natal-care that is impotant to get at least your pre-natal vitamins going because I believe it is the folic acid that is important during pregnancy. Are you working, going to school, tell us a little bit about yourself, besides if you are working it does help to keep your mind off of certain things and you don't really have to say anything about yourself, I am not trying to sound like a snoop, I just like to know people better, that is why I do not like the internet because sometimes you don't know who you are talking to and you might be talking to some type of weirdo.
But I do wish you the best! Remember, you are not alone!
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replied February 21st, 2006
:(
I was at the doctors once already, the day after I found out I went with a friend. Everything is fine with the baby (im only 7 weeks). I dont have a job at the moment, but now im looking. Latest news on the husband is that he told me that if I dont drop the charges and let him see his baby he will kill me! Of course as soon as he said that I called the police and now, no one can find him. That was also the was my parents found out I am preg. (i know not the best way for them to find out). They were shocked but I think now there more concern about my safety then they are about the whole preg. News (i guess we will talk more about it later). Im trying so hard not to be stressed out for the baby but it's hard not to be with all this going on now. Im just so hurt........I dont understand how someone who I thought was "the one" ever treat me like this and put me through this? Thank u so much for all helping me and giving me someone to talk to, it means a lot.
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replied February 21st, 2006
Especially eHealthy
I'm Glad You Called the Police
I was in an abusive relationship once. I wasn't married to the man and leaving him was the hardest thing that I ever did. I'm glad that you were strong enough to leave. You are strong enough to raise your child. You've already done the hardest thing and that was to leave. You are with your family so you are not alone. And no matter who else isn't with you .God is. Your husband has proved to you that it would take a miracle to change him by threatening you. You did the absolute right thing when you called the police. I don't know you but i'm proud of you. You're doing everything the right way. Can you get an emergency pfa and keep renewing it. He doesn't have to be served with the emergency pfa for it to be effective and the call to the police will provide the documentation that you need to get it. Try to be careful, in my situation after I left my bf started to appear at places that he knew i'd be. Vary your routine and when you go out try to take someone with you as often as possible. Maybe if you know that you're doing everything that you can to keep yourself safe you'll be able to relax a little bit for the baby's sake. I can't think of any other advice right now, but if I do, i'll post it here....
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replied February 22nd, 2006
Uhhh
Uh I try so hard not to be stressed but it's hard. After I went to file for an emergency pfa (thats what the police told me to do). They went to his house to present him with the it and he wasnt there. And now, two days later no one has heard from him and his family cant find him either. I hate him so much for doing this all to me but I just want to know that he is ok (i know I shouldnt be thinkin like that). He might go to jail now, so it's very possible that he is running from the police. I just want to know where is he so I can sleep at night and not be scared that he is dead or even worse coming after me or my family. I feel horrible for putting my family though this also. Thank u all for helping me through this u guys have no idea how much it means to me.
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replied February 22nd, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Sososo
I have been reading your thread and I am sorry to see you are having such problems with your husband.You know what you should do?Get a dog.If he comes around your house you will know it. I never had a dog until I lived on my own and boy am I glad I have her.Whenever someone is near my door or in my yard she hears it and then I know about it. Trust me,it will make you feel a little bit better.Do you have a home security system?I hope everything goes ok for you and even though you love him,maybe he will get locked up so you will not have to worry so much. . .
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replied February 23rd, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Dogs are a great idea. I have two amstaffs for protection and companionship, trust me, no one wants to screw with an amstaff...
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replied February 23rd, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
German shepards are naturally a protective dog and female actually have more of a protective issue when ur pregnant where they wont let anyone near you except ppl in the household you may want to look into it....
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replied February 23rd, 2006
Especially eHealthy
tigresacanela24 wrote:
dogs are a great idea. I have two amstaffs for protection and companionship, trust me, no one wants to screw with an amstaff...


whats an amstaff?
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replied February 23rd, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
I have heard - and i'm sure this could vary depending on the individual dog - that male dogs are better for women to have and female dogs are better for men to have. It has something to do with the connection or something weird.

However, our two dogs (both male), will bark at and jump on my boyfriend if we're play-firghting and they think he might be doing soemthing to me. They never hurt him, of course, because they love him, too... But it's like them going, "cut it out!" lol
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replied February 23rd, 2006
Now......
I have a dog and he is wonderful and I know he would protect me. It does make me feel a lil more safe because when anyone is near the door he will bark like mad. But if my husband is crazy enough to hurt or kill me I dont think my dog will stop him. Anyway now he is missing, the police went to serve him with pfa papers and he wasnt at his house. (this was monday night). No one has heard from him since then. Now the state police r getting involved because he is now consered a missing person. As much as I hate him I just want to know that he is ok. I cant sleep at night because I dont know if he is going to hurt me or if he is dead or if he is a thousand miles away.
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replied February 23rd, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Re: Now......
sososo wrote:
i have a dog and he is wonderful and I know he would protect me. It does make me feel a lil more safe because when anyone is near the door he will bark like mad. But if my husband is crazy enough to hurt or kill me I dont think my dog will stop him. Anyway now he is missing, the police went to serve him with pfa papers and he wasnt at his house. (this was monday night). No one has heard from him since then. Now the state police r getting involved because he is now consered a missing person. As much as I hate him I just want to know that he is ok. I cant sleep at night because I dont know if he is going to hurt me or if he is dead or if he is a thousand miles away.


dogs have a sense about people.If he comes and he is going to hurt you I doubt your dog will just sit there and watch,he wouldn't let that happen. If he feels you are being threatened or harmed in anyway that dog will not let it happen.What kind of dog do you have?
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