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I Was Unfaithful, And Now I Am Caught

My wife and I have been married just over 4 years, together 5.
In my foolish weak moment, I had an affair. That has ended.
When I brought a new computer recently, in the transfer of information were photos of myself with my lover.
My wife, looking for stored information came across these photos.
"adulterer, terrible husband" we among her comments. And she's right.
But, I still love her and have expressed my willingness to do anything to put this in the painful past catagory.
With the little shes said to me over the last few days, the divorce word looms large. I am terrified that it will happen. It's all my fault, but can there be hope to reconsile?
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replied February 19th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
If I were married to you and you cheat on me like that, absolutetly I would divorce you. No hopes. See when you cheat you destroyed the trust and what is a marriage without trust? Hope you learned your lesson and in a next marriage you won't do the same thing.
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replied February 19th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
You always need to turn the situation around, what would happen if she did that to you, could you trust her?
Good luck!
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replied February 26th, 2006
I totally agree with both comments. U have completely devestated your wife and her trust of what she thought she had with u and the relationship that u had together. In my opinion, cheating and adultry is the biggest "slap in the face" or betrayal in a marriage. U should ask yourself are u sorry about the affair or is it just that u got caught?? In my opinion, once a cheat, always a cheat. U almost got away with it once, so who's to say that once she gets comfortable with u again that u wouldnt do the same thing again to her? And by the way, why were u so stupid as to have pictures of a lover on your computer? That makes me think that u truely have no remorse and that u only feel sorry for yourself and not your wife!!!
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replied February 26th, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
I have divorced 2 women that cheated on me. The major issue for me was and will continue to be trust.

The sanctifying grace of marriage is trust and you did not tell her about this affair, she found out about it. 2 issues with trust all in one go.

You need to give her space to figure stuff out. You will not fix this by talking, you might fix it with action, and the first action is allowing her to cool off.

Ill post more later but it is time for bed. Ill talk to you later, take it easy tonight and maybe have a drink and go to sleep. (on the couch)

brian
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replied February 28th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Wow,yeah,if my man ever cheated on me we would indefinetly be done for good.We made a sort of promise that if one cheated on the other it would be over no matter how hard the wrong do-er tried to put a band aid over it.There will always be a scar.
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replied February 28th, 2006
Experienced User
U need to show u can be trusted again

thats hard u shouldnt have cheated and if u did then u should have told her

cheating can ruin peoples hearts

dont just think about urself but her feelings and maybe it might work out

gl to both of u whateva happens
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replied February 28th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Good luck to her. . .
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replied March 13th, 2006
Cheating changes things forever. I totally would be gone if I were her. I have been there and done that! I couldn't even look at my ex husband when he cheated without experiencing nasea when I looked at him. If you love her and you think you want to work it out, I would recommend counseling. Don't try to deal with this alone.
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replied August 21st, 2006
I feel that cheating is not good. But like god said, "forgive". A marriage that is meant to be will have it's share of problems.. If she does decide to take you back do not make a habit or feel sje is weak, if you two are really in love it will work itself out.
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replied August 21st, 2006
Experienced User
Your post reeks of fear; fear for yourself. You don't love her; you love yourself. If you loved her, you could never have done that to her. The reason you are terrified is because you are being tormented by thoughts of her leaving and finding another man; so right now, you're all about the 'oh i'm so sorry; I was weak and foolish'.

Chances are though, if and when she forgives you, and you are once again secure in the marriage, you will cheat again the next time an opportunity presents itself. Pfft.

If she has any sense about her, she will leave you for dust!

Yeah, I had sex with another woman; kissed her; caressed her; held her warm skin close to mine, and smelled the sweet, heady perfume on her neck.

But I still love my wife?

Humans...
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replied August 21st, 2006
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Re: I Was Unfaithful, And Now I Am Caught
michael89032 wrote:

it's all my fault, but can there be hope to reconsile?
its highly doubtful.When you love someone so much and they hurt you,its hard for them to look you in the eye,wondering how someone they love so much could hurt them so deeply.Chances are she still loves you but I wouldn't get the idea in your head that she would stay with you.Maybe you could try marriage counseling? If you truly loved her you would not have done such a thing.You only feel bad now because you were caught.How dumb was it to take pictures of you and the woman you ahd the affair with? It sounds like you were just asking to get caught
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replied August 21st, 2006
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I would like to say I hope she leaves you but then again I think things can be worked on if the feelings are still there if not there your pretty much done, what you did was wrong.

If you cant dedicate yourself to this woman you are better off to leave her, you broke your marriage vows big time and you will always be in debt it takes seconds to break a trust and years to build that trust again. I dont think you understand how bad you hurt her and I think you should talk to find out where you relationship is.


Like someone else said how can you promise her you wont cheat again when you already made a vow not too I certainly would have kicked you out my door but im hoping she can forgive you.
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replied August 21st, 2006
Experienced User
I can't blame her for leaving you - I certainly would have. But if you want to try and sort things out then give her some time (alot of time) and while you are doing that think about why you did it and if you are sorry that you did have an affair or if you are just sorry that you got caught. Also think about what you are going to do to make sure it never happens again. You wife has lost all trust in you and will no doubt feel disgusted, used, extremely angry and incrediable hurt, thats just to name a few. Some relationships can survive an affair but only if both people are committed to making it work. Give your wife the space she will need and after a while talk to her about what I told you to think about, let her abuse the s*&t out of you if she wants (if nothing else, you owe her that) most of all tell her how much you regret what you have done to her and how much you hurt her and let her know how much you love her and need her in your life. But just give her some space first to grieve over what you have done. She may want to give it another go or she may not but all you can do is give it your best shot.
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replied September 7th, 2006
My situation was kind of different, I was 17, my father cheated. He wanted to leave our family, at least you want to stay with your family, but I don't really blame your wife for leaving you. It really destroys your family, no matter how "small" the situation is.

And one of the saddest momments I re-call when I was just 7:

watching my father pack his stuff and realizing I would never see him again.
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replied September 26th, 2006
Experienced User
When you take the vows, that's it. No affairs.
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replied October 13th, 2006
My wife cheating is what is ending our 11 year marriage. I don't know what people think or even think at all when they do these things. But you really need to be on the recieving end of a cheating relationship to really get it in your head how horrible it makes you feel. I think if a person values the other person in the relationship you wouldn't have even thought twice about it. I think you really don't love your wife or you wouldn't have done it in the first place. You probably deserve what you get. I know my soon to be ex wife does.
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