Medical Questions > Relationships > Grief and Loss Forum

Anyone Lost a Parent/loved One to Suicide?

I was just wondering if anyone has ever lost anyone they were close to-to suicide? I lost my dad a few months ago to suicide, and he was my best friend and the only person that I told everything to and the only one who made my life great. He always had the right things to say and always made me happy. I just wanted to post this question because its not a topic on the website, if you look up suicide on here.....It comes up with abortion stuff. I just wanted to know I guess how you all are doing because I know its the hardest thing in the world. Also, grieving is not all that easy too. I am only 20 some years old and I have had to deal with tough issues but nothing like this. It is sometimes hard too because I was the one who came home from college the day he did it and I was the one who found him.
I'm okay right now but I was definitly depressed weeks after it. And one more thing--my mom is already dating people and going on weekend trips with different men--call me "old fashioned" or traditional but I think that is just wrong (b/c its just too soon)and I really don't talk to her as much but I never really was close with her to begin with since I always told my dad everything.
Anyways, ill stop rambling but I was just curious about how you all are doing and how you grieve because I never really talk about it with anyone.
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First Helper videoismekc
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replied February 13th, 2006
Experienced User
Hi "collegegirl3" firstly I want to say how sorry iam to hear about your dad, I cant imagine what you must be going through.
My friend also found her dad when he commited suicide. She too went through a pretty rough time. Her mum had moved on at time of her dads suicide due to the break up but my friend too found this disturbing at times, his name was also the same as her fathers which added an extra sting to it.
Please find someone to talk about this with, help share the load alittle.
Your in my prays
amber
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replied February 13th, 2006
Thank You
Thank you for your comment, that was so sweet of you to comment on my topic and tell me about your friend. I do talk about it once in awhile with people, but I try to just avoid the subject. Anyways, thank you again so very much! Take care!
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replied August 8th, 2008
I know exactly how you feel. My Dad commited suicide 17 months & 1 day ago today. I heard that sometimes the 2 nd yr. is the hardest, & that is proving to be true! Like you ,my Dad was my best friend & I could talk to him about anything. I miss Him SOO MUCH!!!!!!!!! I want him back so bad I can't stand it!!!!! I haven't been to the cemetary in months because I want to avoid the "break-down". I STILL can't believe he's gone!! I will be 40 on Sept.3 & it is still hard for me! You're so young, Ifeel for you! Michelle
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replied August 8th, 2008
write me!!!!!
Whenever you need to "talk" write me. I'm having a REAL problem dealing w/this! I dround myself in beer & wine to escape the awfull pain. I'm sure my husband doesn't understand that.......But he's never lost a parent........especially like I have!~ Take care of yourself....& remember, it had NOTHING to do w/you!!!! AND your Dad IS in heavan. Write me back & tell me how He did it. My Dad used a gun.
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replied February 2nd, 2009
My father also committed suicide. Unlike the others he was not my best friend quite the oposite, he was an alcholic who made loving him very difficult. I just wanted my father to be a real dad, one that I could talk to and enjoy spending time with. I never lost hope of this happening, but since his suicide I have been lost because now I can't hope any more. My father hung himself with his belt.
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replied August 21st, 2009
My dad to hung himself 4 years ago and i still miss him very much, i also found him and i was 16 when it happend. i think suicide is a very hard thing to deal with and sometimes i feel my dad didnt love me because of what he did and others times i feel the oppisite and think i didnt bother enough with him and so maybe he thought i didnt love him.

i miss him so much
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replied April 30th, 2011
i think the same way all the time i lost my stepdad last year on jan. 20 2010, he hung himself in his work shed and his boss was the one who found him . he left us a notebook of what was going thru his mind and he wrote a seperate one for my mom. we had are share of ups and downs but we bearly started understanding one another and trying to make up for lost time. he raised me since i was 4. it hurts so much i try not to think about it. things seem to be getting harder as time passes cause i am 22 years old and it feels like i have to pick up where my dad left off with taking care of my mom and my 2 younger bros and sis. i feel like im breaking down more and more each day. i still struggle with the guilt that the last time we were together as a family before he passed i acted stupid and got mad at him for no reason when i was the one who was wrong and i just didnt wanna hear the truth. i never thought that would have been the last time i was gonna see him.
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replied December 18th, 2009
what a life
my brother did the deed in october of 2009 it is the hardest time of my life and i am still in the state of confusion not knowing what to hold on to because it happened without warning,it has brought my life to a stand still ,i hope time will teach me a new normal

masitala
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replied April 15th, 2010
dealth
I have lost my father,brother,and son.The only people I truly had in this world.I,n time I learned to deal with my father and brother,s dealth.But my son was only 21.I found him and I cut him down.so for me the dealth of my son will never go away.He was my best friend.
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replied July 10th, 2011
I can relate to you. I "lost" my father in 1999, my one and only best friend in 2001, my mother in 2003; then, my 37 yr old son in March of 2008 and my husband in April of 2008. I physically took care of these people day by day while working full time because there was no one else to help. My son hung himself while supposed to be on suicide watch. My husband had been ill for years & went to hospital ICU within 2 weeks of my son's death. I kept working for another year; but, took an early retirement in June 2009. It is only NOW that I'm experiencing the most horrendous grief, aloneness & depression ever. The circumstances surrounding my son's death were & continue to be most suspicious & I'm so angry because unlike any private organization, the statue of limitations for wrongful death in a government institution is 6 months. I was still in shock, trying to find answers from people who would not return my calls and care for terminally ill husband. My husband was my best friend. Now, I have no one - those five people were the only family I ever had. There are so many external "cues" everywhere I go that I end up sobbing & returning to my room in a little old house that is also now falling apart. I'm 62 years old & have always been a giving person. Now that I need help no one is there. Oh, maybe, for a price I could vent to a counselor for 50 minutes. And, I realize now how naive I can be when thinking others I have helped so much in the past either have taken advantage of my generosity or disappeared completely. I often can't escape the sudden visions of my "little boy" hanging; or, the last expressions on my husband's face before his death. None of this will ever go away and well-meaning folks with little gems of optomistic or spiritual wisdom just don't get it. I just discovered this site & am still a toddler when it comes to computers; but, I hope they let this message through to you and that you know there is at least one other person out there who knows your pain. Peace to you.
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Users who thank mellamusic for this post: videoismekc 

replied June 10th, 2015
Thank you! Thank You! You make me want to cry. I feel insane I never saw my aunt hang herself, I never saw her body, I don't even know what she did it with, but still the image haunts me day in and day out and I just don't know what to do. I have to research movies or tv shows. I barley look at the word and I never say it, I just hurt so much and I don't know what to do and I can't even imagine your life with all that loss and to actually find them. I don't know how you do it.
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replied August 22nd, 2010
Community Volunteer
I lost my sister 13 years ago this summer to suicide. The pain eases over time but do not believe it will ever go away. The first everything without her was very difficult...1st week, 1st month, 1st holiday, 1st Birthday, etc...

What could have been...will never be known...just pick up the pieces and move on and keep the memories.

Depression is what brought her down...she mentioned to mom that she could no longer dream...not long after that she took many sleeping pills in a hotel room. She was found on the floor with her Bible on the bed.

Zig
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replied April 23rd, 2011
I lost my mother eight years ago on valentines day to an over dose. I am still grieving and hurting despite years of counseling and antidepressants....it just doesn't go away. I still have such powerful dreams about her, about feelings of abandonment and just plain sadness. Most people don't understand and aren't comfortable talking to me about it.

Hugs to you all and I hope you all find peace in this chaotic world.
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replied September 4th, 2011
i lost my fiancee to suicide (bi polar) 2 years ago ...35 years old . its hard , its still hard to belive now . just keep going try and pick up the pieces and take it day by day ... i keep thinking how i feel today is better then i did a year ago and the year before . i dont think the pain will ever go away there isnt a day i dont think about her ..good luck to you all . just try to find thing you enjoy and try and be enjoy and live life for the person you lost ... it what they would want
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Users who thank irinat for this post: videoismekc 

replied July 15th, 2012
Afsp
U are all in my prayers. I lost my mom to suicide almost three years ago and have found something called The Overnight Walk very very helpful. It is organized by the afsp.. American foundation for suicide prevention every year in a different city to offer healing to those who lost someone to suicide or who are dealing with suicidal thoughts or survived an attempt etc. check it out . It's very helpful.
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replied June 10th, 2015
I have been wanting to share my story and my thoughts with people who understand me for so long, I am hopeful I have found them now.

I am young to most people being barley 22, but I have aged beyond that, I know that some other "adults" will actually never experience what I have.

I like the original woman who posted the initial question lost my loved one to suicide at only 20 years old.

My aunt was the light of my life, and sometimes everything does feel black without her still. This coming January will be 3 years without her. Even though it has only been three years I am still searching for closure. Her death was a complete shock to me and everyone who knew here. In her will she requested there be not services what so ever, there was not even an obituary in the newspaper. I do not have a grave I can go visit, because she was cremated. My uncle wont leave the house and I can't visit the grief was too much when I tried to visit and made my depression so serious I admitted myself into out patient care. I miss her, a part of me is forever gone. As the years have gone the ache has begun throb a little less, but I know the pain will always be there. She was my connection to my dads side of the family. Her and my dad didn't speak for almost 8 years but when I got old enough I told him I missed her and that if he wouldn't take me then I would drive to her myself. They semi reconnected and all was "happy" for awhile. I sought her out and we became extremely and incredibly close. Until one day my mom showed up at my college dorm which was 4 hours away. We went to my room and my life forever changed. ]

I guess my question is how do people gain closure when it feels like the rug was ripped from under their feet?
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