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My Family Wants Me to Abort (Page 1)

Should I keep the baby?
Keep it
Keeping it would be selfish
100%  100%  [ 12 ]
0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 12
I am almost 22, I have 1.5 years left in college. I am 4 weeks pregnant. The father is supportive -- he says that he will be supportive of whatever decision I choose, and he will not give me his opinion because he doesn't want to sway me either way. We talk about the pros and cons of raising the child, adoption and abortion, but he realizes it is ultimately my decision. My family, however, believes that I should have an abortion. I've always wanted a child, but I do realize that having 1.5 years left of school is not the best time to have one. I hope that the father will be there, he says he will be there, but life is funny and who knows what will happen. My family thinks that it will be selfish of me to keep this child when it will effect everyone else. I just moved back into my parents house. They feel like I won't be able to give him/her the best first years that it deserves. I know that I would give this baby everything it needs. I want to keep it. What should I do?
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replied February 1st, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
Re: My Family Wants Me to Abort
slp wrote:
my family, however, believes that I should have an abortion.
tough, it's not up to your family and they are going to have to accept that. It is your decision and yours alone to make. You can entertain their opinions if you so choose to, but in the end it is your decision because in the end you are the one who has to live with the consequences of that decision.
Quote:
i've always wanted a child, but I do realize that having 1.5 years left of school is not the best time to have one.
no, but it will be easier on you than on someone who has 4 years left of school. If you think you can do it, there may be programs through your college and state to help you.
Quote:
I hope that the father will be there, he says he will be there, but life is funny and who knows what will happen.
my best advice and one I give to all of the young .Women that I see is to imagine doing each option alone. Imagine keeping the pregnancy and raising the child alone (and realistically imagine it). Imagine keeping the pregnancy and adopting the resulting child to someone else alone. And, imagine ending the pregnancy alone.

I don't want to tell you that you can't trust or rely on men or other people. I am only trying to give you an adequate picture of what can happen and what would be the worst situation. I don't know how your relationship with this man works but I can tell you that a large number of .Women think that the guy is going to support them and he ends up bailing. Knowing that from the start and thinking about the possibility may be a bit pessimistic but it .Will give you a realistic image of what many .Women face.
Quote:
my family thinks that it will be selfish of me to keep this child when it will effect everyone else.
tough. It's not up to them and their opinion should not affect the decision that you make. You can humor them, listen to them, but in the end don't let them manipulate you.
Quote:
I just moved back into my parents house. They feel like I won't be able to give him/her the best first years that it deserves. I know that I would give this baby everything it needs. i want to keep it. what should I do?
you should do what .Y.O.U want to do and what you know you can do. It is your decision, not your parents, not your boyfriend, .Yours. You should make the decision that you know you can live with and that you want. If you need anything else, just let me know.
Peace and good luck,
jenn
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replied February 1st, 2006
Thank you so much for your reply. I have been on a pregnancy forum with the same question and that's what everybody has said, but I also wanted to get some opinions from a less-biased audience. I've talked to women I know who've had abortions who are fine, and i've also talked to a couple who regret it all the time. I guess I am looking for someone to say "this is what you should do!" but I know this is unrealistic. I guess I just wish my family would be more supportive. They say they'll be supportive of whatever I decide, but they aren't so far.
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replied February 1st, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
I agree with jenn...

Imagine each option alone, because I know men say the support you, but a lot of men do leave unfortunately :(

i have had an abortion, and I was in college when I had mine..I am 23..
College to me is very important, and without an education most women will not make enough money to support themselves and a baby, you know? When you have to depend on others for help they tend to like to overstep and be pushy..Like living with parents and having a baby, they'll most likely step in all the time and point out faults ect..
Most women I have talked to say it is best to have a baby when you have your own home, that way noone else can intrude.
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replied February 1st, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Hi slp! Jenn said it the way it is, I do not feel tht anyone else could have said it any better! We are here for you if you need us! I think your family will help you, right now they are in a little bit of a state of shock and I do hope your boyfriend does help you out! You can still finish college, it just will not be as easy but you can do anything you set your mind to do, just think positive, it is your choice!
The best to you and yours!
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replied February 1st, 2006
Thank you so much. I having one of those really tough days today... The father is so frustrating sometimes. He has no idea what i'm going through, he doesn't live here, and we have opposite schedules, so sometimes a phone call is even hard to get. He always calls, at least once a day, but it's usually after i've gone to bed so we have a sleepy conversation and it's hard to turn it into anything serious.

Well, I talked to him this afternoon and I told him everything I was feeling. I started crying and confessed that I have been skipping class because all i've wanted to do is lay in bed -- basically that I feel very alone. He listened, and he told me that I can't be skipping class, the usual. But when I didn't stop crying he got off the phone with me.

I'm an education major so i've been trying to find jobs in the school system that will have daytime hours so that I can have summers off for school, a couple nights a week for class, and it'll be a good stepping stone for my career. I've found a couple paraprofessional openings, and I really want to go for them, but i'd have to stop school for this semester. I'd go back in the summer, and I think this would be best because i'd like to go ahead and get hired and get the medical benefits.

There's just so much to think about, so many decisions to make, and not many supportive people around me to listen.
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replied February 1st, 2006
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Hi there! You might not be able to be covered under medical insurance at this time as this is classified as a pre-existing condition(pregnancy), you might try to get some medical assistance through welfare, which they might go after the father in this case, have you seen a ob/gyn or your regular Dr. For your pre-natal care, are you on pre-natal vitamins? Remember your hormones do jump around being pregnant, one minute you are up and the next minutr you are down, if you have not gotten to the Dr. I highly reccommend it!
Good luck to you and yours!
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replied February 1st, 2006
Thanks honey.

Yes, I am on pre-natal vitamins and I go to the doctor on monday. I don't think that my pregnancy would be convered under my insurance, as I am still on my parents, and i'm sure that going to new coverage wouldn't work. However, I do think that I would get some maternity leave if I were working for the county. Where I am right now they would be more than willing to give me a leave of absense, but I wouldn't be paid and I work nights (i'm a bartender).
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replied February 1st, 2006
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Slp
How far along are you? I used to work as a bartender moons ago, I always felt more like a babysitter, the only thing was was that I did not have to force feed them, it would be rough now as with more than one drink or one beer and they get caught they can sue the bar or the bartender in some areas. Good luck hun. We are here for you! But I am glad too that you do have insurance and try not to stress, things will be o.K. As stress is not good on any pregnancy.
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replied February 1st, 2006
I am only 4 weeks along. And yes, bartending sometimes can be a lot like babysitting. Fortunately for me my bar has a very loyal (and rich... Haha) regular clientelle, so I can be pretty straight forward with them. I make very good money, but I know that finding night-time child care is hard and expensive!!
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replied February 2nd, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
slp wrote:
thanks honey.

Yes, I am on pre-natal vitamins and I go to the doctor on monday. I don't think that my pregnancy would be convered under my insurance, as I am still on my parents, and i'm sure that going to new coverage wouldn't work. However, I do think that I would get some maternity leave if I were working for the county. Where I am right now they would be more than willing to give me a leave of absense, but I wouldn't be paid and I work nights (i'm a bartender).
even if they do have a maternity leave that you would qualify for, it would most likely be partial pay. My mother-in-law is currently pregnant and she told me just the other day that while she was cleared to take 6 weeks of maternity leave after she gives birth, she'll only be able to afford 2 (if she can even manage that) because it's only partial pay. So, right now, i've been trying to put as much money as possible away in our savings account so that we can give it to her as a present (kind of like - surprise now stay at home for the full 6 weeks). If you can save the money or if you have the proper support, then it shouldn't be so bad.
Best of luck.
Peace,
jenn
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replied February 2nd, 2006
Advanced Support Team
I agree with everything that jen has told you... As far as your schooling I would def try to get as much done now as possible. I know it will be hard but when you have a baby it is even harder because one baby sitting, two if your child gets sick the daycares wont keep them and etc. I am a mom of 6 and it is very difficult. I had to put my career behind me for right now. But you need to make the decision for yourself.. If you want this child .. Then you have your baby, if you feel that you are not ready or not stable enough then you make that call.. Def. Dont let anyone else make those decisions for you, because only you have to live with your choices not them.... Good luck to you and we are all here for you...
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replied February 2nd, 2006
A new bomb has been dropped on all of this... Over dinner tonight my parents informed me that if I keep this baby then I need to make arrangements to move out very, very soon.

Emotionally, mentally, I can give this child everything it needs, but it seems like it's starting to be less and less of a good idea for me, financially, to keep this baby...

I'm still so scared of how I will handle it if I choose not to.
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replied February 2nd, 2006
I've already decided that yes, I am moving out no matter what. A friend of mine is actually looking to sublease the other room in his apartment until july and he actually lives in the same town as my boyfriend, so i'll probably do that. It's cheap and it'll give me some time to think before having to sign a lease somewhere.
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replied February 3rd, 2006
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O.M.G. I am so sorry that your family is acting this way, have you tried to be calm and set them down and talk to them and say, don't you realize that this is your grandbaby you and your daughter you are doing this too, just kind of putting them on a little guilt trip. What about other family members that might help you? It is your choice, you can put off college until later abort or adopt, it is your choice.
My daughter went thru the same thing about your age at 1st she thought she was pregnant, she was over 1 month late, I told her that she could come home, she was away at college at the time, I told her what her options were and that I would be there for her whatever she decided and that it was her choice, well she called me two days later, took a test, which was neg., then started her period. I was hoping that your parents would be more open too but I realize that we are not all alike!
You have a difficult decision and I do hope you do what you feel is the right thing to do. We are here for you!
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replied February 3rd, 2006
We we talked about it and they don't want to talk about it. As for other family, my brother and his fiance feel the same way. My extended family might help, but I don't know how much. My parents think they are doing what's right by basically forcing me to get an abortion, but they're doing some serious damage to our relationship.


Thank all of you so much for the kind words and support!!!!
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replied February 3rd, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Hi, unfortunately this is normal in parenting. They feel that they have already raised their children, and are done. When a young woman has an unplanned pregnancy she needs a lot of help usually, and sometimes people do not want to help because they know it wil be hard.

Basically they are telling you that you can have a baby if you want, but they will not help.

I am not trying to pressure you to do anything..But having an abortion will not affect your furture fertility.. It may be a lot easier to wait and have a baby when it can be on your terms, noone can boss you around, and you are on your own.
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replied February 3rd, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
Quote:
my parents think they are doing what's right by basically forcing me to get an abortion, but they're doing some serious damage to our relationship.


parents like to think they're always right when it comes to their childrens' problems just because they're parents. But it's your life, and it's your child, so it must be you who decides what step to take next. I know you said that the father will be supportive, but as some other people here have said, that can mean very little sometimes - guys who don't want to accept fatherhood can just get up and walk away, leaving you alone with a child.

As with any unwanted pregnancy, I don't believe there is a universal right choice - but there is a right choice for you. Remember, no one can force you to do anything - if your parents don't like that you might want to keep your baby, then tell them to go to hell. They're not in charge of your life.

Good luck to you, slp - I hope you find the answers you seek in your time of distress.
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replied February 3rd, 2006
Thank you all so much for your comforting words. I really appreciate it. It's helping me a lot right now. :d
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replied February 4th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
It is your choice and you do what you feel is the best thing for you(key word, you) to do now, no one here will judge you or look down on you!
We are here for you!
Big hugs!
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