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My Girlfriend Is Bulemic... What Can I Do to Help?!

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She's been bulemic for about 2 years now I guess. I just met her in june 05 and we've fallen in love quite quickly. She has been trying to be open with me about her problem and i'm encouraging her to do so. She doesn't always like to because she doesn't want me worrying about her, but I think that we're both better off if she talks to me about it.

I've read a lot of posts on here and she's definitely experiencing a lot of the same things that many others are. We've talked about going to counseling... She's actually already been to 2 different therapists, but neither one seemed to be very good at what they did. She said one of them fell asleep during a session. Crazy right?

I guess what i'm asking here is... What can I do?! I cannot stand by and watch her struggle with this herself. She's absolutely adorable and this disease/disorder just doesn't fit anything else about her. She's said before that she thinks it may have something to do with her mother, but she's just not sure.

I could go on forever. I care so much for her and have to find some way to help. If it's just pointing her in the right direction. Whatever works. For now I just tell her that she'll figure it out one day and that i'm confident she will. I encourage her to always talk to me about it... Any time she purges, just tell me. I don't get frustrated with her or upset. I just want to know what she's going through. I don't know what else to do. I spoke with her today about the possibility of us going to therapy together, but she wasn't real comfortable with that, but said she'd think about it and let me know.

Somebody's got to have some kind of advice.
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replied January 28th, 2006
Experienced User
Hey I think it is great you want to help your girlfriend. I think the best u can do is be supportive and be there for her. The truth is there isn't a lot u can do she has to decide she wants to get better on her own and that the time is right for her to do that.

I am sorry I could write forever on this but I don't have time. Just remeber u can't fix her. And u don't want this eating disorder to take over your relationship ie. You trying to help her by talking about it all the time etc.
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replied January 30th, 2006
I am bulimic (for a year now), and just told my boyfriend (father of my youngest daughter) last week....
I am 25, and I have known him since I was 14, and it was still really hard. But my health got so bad, that I had to tell him, because I wanted him to be able to tell the doctors what was going on if we had to call an ambulance.
I have had 3 esophogeal spasms since then....And I am in an immense amount of pain. I still don't know exactly why, and could have damaged something....(read more above..."my story")....
I think that you are wonderful for wanting to be there for her. She is a lucky girl.
I would like my b/f to get counseling with me....As I think that he is going to be blaming some of this on himself, etc. I don't ever want him to be hurt because of this....So that is why I think it is a good idea. However, for insurance reasons, it is hard for us to go at the same time.
My b/f is being wonderful right now...Not only supportive, but almost kind of quiet about it......Which is sort of what I need.
He just listens....And knows that I will do the right thing. But I have caused him a tremendous amount of worry, and for that, I am sorry.
Speaking from experience, the best that you can do is just listen. When she is ready to get counseling...She will...And it will not do any good unless she is ready...You know?
Just listen, and maybe express to her your worries and your concerns. Maybe tell her my story...And how much pain I am in right now....It is not fun.
Good luck.
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replied February 1st, 2006
I was hopeful for a second when you started out that you were my boyfriend. And that he had taken it upon himself to find out a way to help me. Because his name is matt and i've been bulimic for about 2 years, but we met in june 04 not 05... Anyway, sometimes he tries to help but it isn't usually effetive... Tell her you think she is beautiful as much as you think is reasonably possible. When I get the desire to binge or purge it is because I don't think I am good enough or beautiful and that I desearve the punishment. I want to look like someone else. I always felt like my dad was telling me I was fat (which was probably all in my head) but that process needs to be reversed. It is her battle as much as it hurts to watch so just try to be as supportive as you can. It sounds like you are being a great help to her. Keep it up.
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replied April 6th, 2012
I'm going through the same problem. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 6 months now. And she's very recently revealed to me that she is bullemic. The illness has gotten quite bad lately and she's now suffering from depression as a result. When she told me all of this I told her that I love her and I'll stay with her no matter what (and I mean that, she is the most important thing in the world to me). But she suggested that we should take a break. We're coming up to the end of the college year, I have a thesis to write and she has exams. She says stress makes the illness worse and shes worried about pushing me away. So she thinks we should go on a break, to give her some time to herself and to sort everything out. I fought this for a while. I thought we could deal with this much better together than apart, but she really feels that she needs space. Eventually I conceded - she knows what's best for her. I haven't seen her or spoken to her in about 2 weeks now, and I miss her and I'm worried about her constantly. Do you think I made the right decision?
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replied July 26th, 2012
I am having the same problem with my girlfriend... recently got back together after 7 years apart... she was the first person I fell in love with... and has always been the one I wanted to be with forever despite us both being engaged to other people.. she told me two weeks in she was bulimic.... I worry like mad when we are not together.. she has a hectic social life and guys are dropping at her feet to take her out... I would do anything for her to get better but she tells me there is nothing I can do for her ... I feel completely helpless.. she has tried hypnosis but that hasn't worked and is now on the hospital waiting list.... I don't want to interfere in case I lose her again as she tells me she has to do it on her own but if it means her getting better I would let her go and be miserable forever if it meant her getting better....even writing this has brought me close to tears at the thought of what is happening to her..she is my life.. always has been.. tells me she can't deal with it and doesn't want to be here anymore... it's slowly killing me inside...
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