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Does Calling U An X's Name Mean Hes Missing Her?

My boyfriend and I rele clash on some levels.Like the other day he called me his x's name in one of his stories he was tellin his mates and didnt even realise till they pointed it out and he thinks there is nothin wrong wit it and I shudn b angry becoz he apologised but to me thats taken it too far. I am an insecure person and he has changed in some ways to adjust to that. I love him to death and he talks about marrying eachother and the white picket fence scene but isometimes I find myself wonderin y I am with him and lata I feel guilty. He says he shows me he loves me by buyn me things but I want him to have to try coz he feels too comfortable in the sense that he expects me to adjust n smooth things over. Sometimes if he hurts me I will jus forgive him becoz he wnt admit to it.Thats our problem we both want the last word. Ne tips on how to deal with this situation?
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replied January 28th, 2006
Hey girl

first of all, take control over the situation...If he hurts you stand your ground but instead of getting upset, get angry and wait for him to come to you...If he really cares he will. Start doing what you want to do and when you want to do it...Don't let him always get his wasy even though you love him...Materialism is not a sign of love its like an easy get out for men when they have trouble showing emotion and believe me a lot do. The ex's name thing shouldnt really matter sometimes it really is just out of habit...Unconscious and I guess you just have to accept that he did care for her even though it is hard. Don't marry him though until you sort this out...Dont let him gain from your insecurity...Take control

rue
xxxx
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replied January 28th, 2006
Thanks
Thanks for that...................And yer ur right,i have realised that he obviously loved and cared for her at one stage,since they were together for ten months but hes wit me now. I have noticed that standin my ground works, since the other night I told him to get out and he shat. He neva thought he wud hear me say it and I pointed out y I did n that the next time it wudn b jus words and everything has changed, I have the upper hand. B4 I found it hard to treat him as an equal becoz I felt below him but now we r even. Thanks heaps for ur input.
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replied February 13th, 2006
Your very welcome...I'm glad I could help

rue
xxxxx
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replied February 16th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Uh,can I add something in? Well I actually called my b/f by my x-bf's name once but I did not do it on purpose. I didn't like my x any more, it just came out. You have to realize sometimes that things happen and just b/c he said it does not mean he still thinks about her or still likes her. Take it from someone who has been on your bf's side of the story. My bf forgave me. . .Hope you can work it out.How old are you anyway?
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replied March 14th, 2006
If he constantly hurts you stand your ground! I agree!

If you are going to spend the rest of your lives together you need to work together and have an open line of communication. It's important that he knows if he's hurting you, also calling you his ex's name is un-called for I would not stand for that for sure! I would tell him once maybe twice but if he keeps doing it then I would say bye!!!

After all marriage is a life long commitment(or it should be) and if he and you cannot get along now imagin living with him for good.

Take care and talk it out!
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replied March 15th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
I agree with them that you should stand your ground but people do make mistakes.And somethings,if he isn't making a big deal out of it,why should you.He probably didn't mean to call you his x's name but some thing justr aren't big enough to fight over.Now if you have other problems that your not telling us that are causing you to feel bad then you need to confront him and tell him how he is making you feel!
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replied March 15th, 2006
I can relate.
I was dating this one guy a long time ago and at christmas time in front of all his family his mother called me his ex wife's name. I just buried my head in my hands cuz I was sooo embarrassed and uncomfortable. Then she proceded to tell me it's cause she happened to be thinking about her because she was still considered apart of her family having been married to her son for so long years prior. It did not make me feel any better by a long shot. I always held that against her even though it was an honest mistake. I guess it reminded me that not only he, but the rest of his family never got over her.
Just made me feel not accepted. Ours names aren't even similar.

Thank goodness that relationship is a done deal cuz it made me feel aweful.
I know just how you feel. It's a hurtful thing no matter how uninteded it is. People should be more careful!!!!
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replied July 22nd, 2009
there's heaps of good advice here. He needs to respect you and it doesnt sound like he does. I've found the best way of getting around boys who won't consider your point of view is to walk away with out saying much. Full on just walk out. Be calm when you do this and don't engage in yelling games. Don't attempt to contact him again until he contacts you. Even if it takes what feels like a long time. This truly is the best way. When you are both in calmer times talk about it sensibly when the heat of the moment has past and he and you have had time to think rationally about your actions and how they affect both of you.
It's important that when you leave you do not make a fuss of it. If he genuinely cares for you he will think about what he has done to cause you to leave.
by leaving i dont mean breaking up. i mean walking away from a situation you know is going to esculate in to something yuk before it does.
As for the incorrect name incident. I've never said it allowed but my ex's name pops up in my head sometimes before my current partners. I have no feelings what so ever for my ex. I think its just habit after being with someone for a long time.
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