I've been married a week and i'm starting to get really worked up over the porn my husband looks at. I mean he looks at it all the time and porn normally wouldn't bother me but its that he looks at incest porn. Is that normal, I mean is it just a way to find old men and young women or should I be bothered. Im so confused and it is starting to upset me. Please let me know your opinion. Thankyou
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replied December 8th, 2005
I think you should tell him about your concerns, which imo are very very valid.
I dunno if by incest porn you also mean kiddie porn, I guess the two could be seperate though its not my cuppa tea.
I can only imagine your worry if you keep this to yourself and you eventually have children of your own, if youre concerned now, what will you be like then?
Talk to him, tell him you dont like it and if he respects you and loves you he'll quit it, and not just quit it in fornt of you, he'll quit it altogether.
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replied December 8th, 2005
Thankyou
I talked to him and I did express my concerns. Its not kiddie porn but just incest. I asked him why and he said it was just a search word that he uses. I am pregnant so yes that was a huge concern. I asked him to stop looking at that kind of stuff and not to run to porn everytime I leave the room or am asleep. He said he loves me and doesnt want anything to ruin our relationship so he said he'll stop. I told him I trust him and that if I find that or worse ( underage stuff which he said hes has no desire to look at) that I didnt know what would happen to our relationship because my trust would be broken. So hopefully hes being honest and will stop. Thankyou for your opinion I appreciate it.
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replied December 8th, 2005
Experienced User
I am so sorry for your predicament. I grew up with porn. Lived in a small house where my dad would sometimes fall asleep watching the stuff, leaving it running on the tv. In part, I blame that for my becoming sexually active so early in life, because of the curiousity it sparked, and it making me think that it was ok because that is what people are supposed to do.

I really do hate to point this out, but you need to know. His porn addiction was in place long before you two got together. Porn addiction only tends to grow, the need for it only growing stronger with time. Just like with anything else the addict needs more and more to feel satisfied until eventually they just can't get enough, and everything in their lives begins to suffer because of it.

Some people are better able to control it than others. Meaning, some people can have somewhat control over their urges, while yet other people allow the urges to control them.

Those people who can have control over it have a very good chance of getting their priorities back in line. For example, putting their loved one's feelings on the matter first.

Those people who allow the urges to control them will not be able to put their priorities in order like that. They may say they will stop, but they won't. They will just learn to hide it better, and continue the behavior, in secret if they have to.

You may want to prepare yourself for being hurt and betrayed. I do not know your husband, you do. You will probably be able to determine what type of person he is, be it the one who can control the urges, or the one who allows the urges to control him. If he is the latter, his behavior will continue regardless of you what you do or say to him.

There are two thinsg that will happen with this: 1) he really will stop his behavior in respect of your feelings like he has promised. 2) he will continue the behavior in secret because he cannot control it. If #2 is the case, and you want your relationship to be a healthy one, maybe couple's counseling is in order here.

If he is unwilling to respect your feelings on this matter, chances are he will not in other matters as well. You will need to decide how important this is to, if you will be able to live with that. If you will not be able to live with that then you will have to find the courage to put a stop to this unhealthy relationship, and move on to find someone who will give you what you need in a relationship.

This will not be easy. I know personally. I am on my thrid marriage. My first two marriages ended because of physical, or emotional, abuses. My third marriage is a dream come true for me. My new husband gives me everything I need in a relationship. Mutual trust, respect, communiction, and above all compromising. Everything. He tells me each day how much he loves me, how much I mean to him. And if he dos anything that hurts my feeling we talk about it, and he changes that behavior, making a point not to do it again out of respect for me. I do the same for him. It is give and take. A two way street. This is what a true healthy relationship should be.
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replied December 9th, 2005
I've watched porn like any guy since I was old enough to know what it was, though I feel no 'need' to look at it. If your husband openly watches it infront of you that often, he does seem to have an addiction.

A couple points:

1) in the porn industry, they often call it "incest" just to market the product. Whether he is watching it because of that, or because he likes the performers in the video is something you should find out.

2) you should ask him to keep his habits in the closet. Ask him to watch it in his private time and out of sight. If it offends you, tell him. If he refuses or you repeatedly find him watching it when he said he wouldn't, convince him to go to counseling.

Best of luck with your marriage!
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