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Help I Need Some Advice, I Am I Or Not

Hi all,
ok the question came to me in july am I gay bio or what , it terrified me for months I cried alot, and then during a therapy session I said it out loud, I felt so empowered for a day and crying started again , I said to god ok if I am ok , but I really dont want to be, I want to be a mother more than anything. I said at one point I could never emagin sex with a women, but recently my thoughs are changing, one day I say ok I am then I see a cuter guy and think no, then I think am I trying to talk my self out of it.
Any advice would be welcomed
thanksshelly
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replied November 23rd, 2005
Just because you fantasize about one gender, that doesnt determine your sexuality. If you have that "heart stopping" reaction about a man only, you are straight. If it is to a woman, you are gay. If it is to both, you are bi. Your thoughts dont determine your sexuality. Its the actions. Everyone has had dreams of experienceing things with their same gender, but that doesnt mean they're gay. Hope that helped :]
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replied November 29th, 2005
Thank You !! a Few More Questions!!
Hi,
thanks so much for the reply, I do have a few other questions ,which I would be gratfull for any input, yes I have had those heart stopping ,cant wait to see the person in my head all the time about certain women, but I never though about them sexually untill recentlly after I thought about myself maybe being gay, and after the crying stopped(which was so intense for a few months(the fear of people finding out), I started thinking about them sexually and it didn't seem so bad.
I still look at guys and fancy them, but I am in my late 20s and have never had a serious boyfriend, I have never connected with guys really.
I really dont want to be gay ,somedays I think oh well if this am who I am meant to be then its ok(because I don't believe you choose to be gay), then other days I am so scared of my family finding out!
Anyone reading this one question from what you have read does it sound as if I am gay?
Confused shelly
take care allxx
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replied January 12th, 2006
Re: Thank You !! a Few More Questions!!
shelly27 wrote:
hi,
thanks so much for the reply, I do have a few other questions ,which I would be gratfull for any input, yes I have had those heart stopping ,cant wait to see the person in my head all the time about certain women, but I never though about them sexually untill recentlly after I thought about myself maybe being gay, and after the crying stopped(which was so intense for a few months(the fear of people finding out), I started thinking about them sexually and it didn't seem so bad.

I still look at guys and fancy them, but I am in my late 20s and have never had a serious boyfriend, I have never connected with guys really.

I really dont want to be gay ,somedays I think oh well if this am who I am meant to be then its ok(because I don't believe you choose to be gay), then other days I am so scared of my family finding out!

Anyone reading this one question from what you have read does it sound as if I am gay?

Confused shelly
take care allxx

hi shelly!! My name is shelly as well..Sounds like you are very confused woman..This is what I think you should do and some may not agree to it..
Ok when I was younger im talking like 15 or 16 I never could get into guys like the rest of my female friends.I did find them very cute some where even nice to kiss , but I never could relate nor was I sexually attracted to them..So I was like whats up with this.Well as time went by I decided to kiss a female to see if this is what I was really into and whoa everything fell into place..So I guess what im saying is find a female friend you can trust or even attracted to and kiss her.Then go by your feelings..I really think a kiss says all!!! Call me strange..Lol good luck
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replied May 17th, 2006
Experienced User
I'm not saying you are gay or you are not gay or even bi since we allll have thoughts about the same sex once and a while - it is natural and nothing to be ashamed of!

The best advice I can offer is - do not label yourself! By putting a label on your forehead, you are locking doors that have no reason to be locked!

Gays can like women, lesbians can like men - you can't help who you are attracted to, it is how your brain is hardwired.

I lucked out and started this internal dialogue when I was about 10 years old. I realized that while all my little girlfriends were swooning over popular guys and famous guys I was just indifferent yet when I looked at the women on tv and in adds I got the same feelings that they did looking at guys.

This was back in like 1992, when "gay" and "lesbian" was sheik so at least I had all this info out in the open to help me realize what was going on.

I am 25 years old now and 99% sure that I am a lesbian, but there is that last 1% that pops up now and then. I was with a man for 4 1/2 years and found him quite attractive. I think the guy that hosts the show "ham on the street" is the hottest guy I have ever seen and simply melt when I see the show. But that doesn't stop the fact that 99% of my thoughts are about women.

This is a very complicated and very personal issue. It is no one's business but your own. If you want to come out to the world and say "i'm gay" or "i'm straight" or "i'm bi!" it is up to you but if no one asks then why complicate things by saying one way or another.

I let everyone come to their own determination based on their own personal bias. Most of my family and friends think I am straight while some have the personal insight to realize that I am not. I honestly don't care one way or another what they think about me and since I don't give a damn who they sleep with or masturbate to so I just don't bring the subject up.

I take the same rout for both gay’s and straights – don’t ask, don’t tell.

I am happy for everyone that has found someone to share their lives with no matter who they are so why should anyone hate me for finding someone for me to love?

And that is what it all boils down to – love.

It’s only other people’s intolerance and hate that can spoil things. You are who you are and that is that.

Some day this world will change and all this bu!!S#it will go away but it will take a long time for that to happen – so while we wait why not love yourself and allow yourself to be loved no matter who it is you choose?

You can still have kids and be either bi or lesbian or straight.

Hell, if you can't come to terms with this issue then just be a single parent!

Don't hate yourself for what is out of your hands.

Should I hate myself because I was born white? Should I hate myself for my hardware telling me I like women?

If this was a matter of "think straight thoughts and you will be straight" don't you think that everyone would fit into the catagory of "normal"?

Don't let religon's bs guilt you into being unhappy for the rest of your life.

Just go with the flow and once you stop worrying about it the pieces will fall into place!

I hope that at least some of this helps.
Good luck friend!
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replied May 27th, 2006
Thank You !!
Thankyou avatar yes you are so right for a while I felt as if I was liying by not telling anyone,and all I could think of was all of the labels.But really it is no ones buisness!
But I still haven't came to a conclusion yet and really it doesn't matter ,at the end of the day it is about two people who love each other.
Love and light shelly
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