Medical Questions > Relationships > GLBT Relationships Forum

It Was Hard For Me to Accept...

I am 20 y/o. My uncle, who is twice my age, is gay. See, he used to be married to a woman, and has a 16 y/o son. My father passed away when I was 10, so my uncle has been my only real father figure for a while. Well, when I was 13, a friend of mine told me that my uncle was gay. I was shocked, hurt, and scared to talk to him. My grandmother took it very hard. Now that I look back, it was like he died or something. He did not talk to me for awhile. I now know that was b/c he was as scared as I was. His wife left, and took my cousin with her. When I was 17 I got pregnant, and moved from my boyfriends house to my uncles house. He helped me a lot with my baby. When I was 19, he moved away. Now I am going on 21, I am married and have another child. In two weeks my uncle, and my cousin will be coming home for the holidays. Although, I am now totally ok with my uncles preference, and we are as close as we used to be, I have yet to tell him that I love him, and that the fact that he is gay no longer matters to me. He does not have a partner, and sometimes I wonder if that is b/c he does not think that we as a family are ready. Should I tell him? How do I tell him?


Thanks -marissa
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replied December 11th, 2003
Extremely eHealthy
I dont think you need to come out and tell him, but show him that you see him no different. Just by your actions of being as loving as you are will show him that you love him no matter what. Good luck.
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replied December 11th, 2003
Experienced User
As someone who recently confessed to their family about their sexual preference, I can tell you that it is such a huge relief to finally have it out in the open. I think is great that you want to let your uncle know that you still love him and think he is wonderful. I think it shows a lot of respect on his part that he isn't bringing someone home because he is afraid of making your family uncomfortable and I think its so very caring on your part that you want him to feel comfortable bringing his significant other home to meet your family. It sounds like there a great amount of respect from both sides.

I think that if you want to discuss these kinds of things with your uncle then you should go for it but you have to be very conscientious about how he reacts and not push it if he looks uncomfortable. I would catch him alone some time and ask him if he is happy. Don't imply anything like "are you happy being gay" or anything like that, but just are you happy? If things are still nice and comfortable ask him if he has anyone in his life. If he glosses over it with barely an answer then let it go and just make sure he knows that you care about him and you want him to find happiness. If he goes into detail then be enthusiastic and supportive. Either way, just showing that you care and are interested in his life and his happiness will mean a lot. Who doesn't want someone in their life that is supportive and non-judgmental? Smile
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replied December 11th, 2003
Very well put floridagirl!!! Good luck with everything marissa:)
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replied December 11th, 2003
Experienced User
Thank You Everyone-
I guess that I will wait until I see him, and see how open I feel about telling him. Also, my husband sometimes says things, then he thinks that it came out wrong, then he tries to "cover up". It kind of makes us all uncomfortable. He feels bad about it, but my uncle usually does not seem to notice. Do you think that when my uncle goes home, that he thinks about it and it hurts his feelings, or should we not stress on silly things?

Thanks again,
marissa
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replied December 15th, 2003
Don't worry about the small things. If his feelings do get hurt by a comment that could be misenterpreted, he'd better toughen up, because the road ahead doesn't get any easier. Lol, and tell your husband to let those comments pass...Covering up only exacerbates their effect.
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