Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

Marriage And Bipolar Disorder (Page 3)


September 27th, 2009
Yes, my friend, it will be enough for ME. I only know what my soul's agenda is at this time in my life. Why I love this man is one of life's mysteries. You see at the end of the day, I am really all I've got, and I like who I am. I like the woman I've become. I really LOVE myself. I am not afraid of what's down the road. I am living in the NOW. That means this evening. I am not happy right now but I am at peace. And by the way, my father, three of my brothers and many, many other loved ones in my world have some form of a disability. The important thing is that I love. That I continue to be more loving and forgiving each day. I'll KNOW when enough is enough.
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replied September 28th, 2009
Bless you and keep you. We do only have ourselves and to love ourselves first is the key. I wish you many happinesses in your life.
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replied October 7th, 2009
I am so glad i found this site. My husband of 8 yrs told me 2 month ago he wanted a divorce and didn't love me any more. He was diagnosed with BP 5 yrs ago. When he was diagnosed we had a baby,jobs were lost and it seemed liked life stresses took there toll on him. It was very dark time in both of our lives. He drank,cut,spend too much money, hung out with a questionable girl etc. We picked up the pieces and moved on with our lives. He has been on meds and as doing well. Episodes were controlled to a point. He went away for a boys weekend and ends up meeting a girl. I guess he has been unhappy for a few months now, but didn't want to say anything bc I was pregnant (it was a high risk pregnancy..he did not want to burden me). So, within 2 months I go into labor early due to stress, my husband wants a divorce and now is seeing this girl intimately. It is the new love of his life! He doesn't want to try anymore i am not affectionate enough for him...we have a 3 weeks old baby, a 5 yr old and he wants to chuck it all. yes, we had issues but I thought we could overcome them bc we have been through so much over the past yrs. this new girl is all he ever wanted and he already is telling her he loves her and she says it back. I am so devistated and heart broken. That the man I knew for and love for 13 yrs would break my heart. He doesn't want to wait to get a divorce, we are seeing a lawyer tomorrow. It seems like it is better for him I had the baby early bc in ohio you can't file for divorce while u are pregnant. I am so sad and devasted my world is crashing down before me
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replied February 28th, 2010
I have read most of these stories here and out of each one of them I can pick out one thing or another that describes the hell I am living in. I am 24 years old and married for three of the years out of eight we been together. I just today started researching this because of the behavior I am getting today the mad for no reason and ignoring as if I did something wrong and rudeness and disrespect I get. I hate it and tired of it I know I am a great person and do not care at this point trying to help but another words out. I have three children and one on the way and we do not need all of this and don't deserve it. I know it is useless trying to help because he is the type that feels I am the one and he does not have a problem and too good for that(very high ego) and I know it would not even get to the help thats needed and he may reverse the problem on to me, that has been going on for along time. I think his condition is too far gone because there is so much I can relate to and I been going through tooooo long.He is starting too rub off on me I feel like I have developed into a much bitter person since being with him. He can be a sweet person but it changes within minutes hours etc.. he is violent inraged person and insecure. I do not know what else to say he is like sybil.I know what aI want to do and got to do but it seems like I can't what is wrong with me???
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replied March 1st, 2010
you know the answer already. My advice - get out now while you are still intact.
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replied March 4th, 2010
Hi, all!
I have read all of the posts in this forum, and although I have found some helpful, the majority are very upsetting, sad, painful, hurtful, etc....
My husband of 14 years has resently been diagnosed, and now on medication. I can not fault him at the moment, he'd stopped drinking as well and I can see he really is trying hard to get himself sorted out. I do hope it continues, but..... I'm so scared that he'll slip, that the new medication won't work, My worries are never ending. I feel alone, confused, sad, berieved even.... and angry. The diognosis seems so final, he'll always be BIPOLAR. How can I go on now knowing that he'll never be normal, I mean I always knew there's something wrong with him, but was hopeful he'd change... After every episode he'd always show remorse and for a wile things would be ok, till next time. I'm so sad, I do love him, and to be fair he's not as bad a case as some of the others I've read about here, but I know I don't want to wait to find out that he could be! There's no garantee.... I'm lost.. Help!!
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replied July 15th, 2010
please do not put up with aggresive behaviour with any one even
to all the women and men that are experince there partner being aggresive ect they should not put up with it it doesnt matter if someone has bipolar ect that is just excuse for bad behavior,we all have choices to make in life,and i know for a fact i have to deal with a terminel diease but that will not make me be aggresive to others, please,please to all that are having agressiver partners please leave them they need medical help,you all are not punch bags for there emotions,
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replied October 31st, 2010
Ramblings
My wife has bipolar disorder.

Really, the story is quite sad.

We went to highschool together but never really talked. Finally in college we found each other at the same party. One thing led to the next and we were kissing under the fireworks on 4th of july. One of the first things she told me was that she was bipolar. I was so in love with her that I took up the challenge, I researched all there is to know about it, got involved in helping her turn her life around. She has so many hopes and dreams. She wanted to be a psychiatrist. Thats 8-10 years of school. She had a horrible childhood, one that haunts her to this day. Everything from being raped in elementary school by her peers to brutal beatings from her moms angry boyfriends. Her mom has bipolar disorder, but amplified her illness by being a meth addict for over 10 years. Her psychosis is so bad from all the drug abuse. Back to my wife. Those memories haunt her in what we know as PTSD. When I met her she was deeply depressed, she had been involved with another guy that practically begged her to have sex with him. One time she almost did(there was penetration no Oomph). She got up and left really quite disgusted. The guy was just a sexually charges boy that never got any. She was afraid she might have been pregnant because of it. Around that time I showed up. She fell in love with me very fast. Said I saved her from a depression. Being together at first was like a porn movie. Constant sex. But at the same time being together was like a romance novel. Constant adventures, talking, gazing into each others eyes. All the beauty. About six months in the flare of the beginning of the relationship faded(as they always do). Her depression began to settle in once again. She became incredibly depressed to the point where she could not function properly, began failing at school and work. The world crumbled around her as she began to feel suicidal. When I got home from work she would speak to me about how she planned out her death. She had a curling iron plugged in and ready to be dropped into the bath tub. Her parents were extremely negative. Her step mom is a self absorbed brat, that can't possibly understand how someone could even think about hurting themselves, its so unfair to her! Her father is a drunk, drinking day and night minding his own business. After that incident I knew it was time to see a psychiatrist. Regardless the cost (18 at the time with a part time job). THe psychiatrist got her on bupurion. I knew she needed mood stabilizers but didnt question her judgement. The antidepressant helped tho, it got her out of her depression. She was so happy Smile the look on her face, absolutely gorgeous. She kept saying "I have so much more energy now". Few months later the effects were reduced. She lost her job and hasn't been able to sustain one to date. We saw another psychiatrist, who perscribed her lamotrigine. She still takes it to this day. It helps mildly with the depression, she was tapered off the buperion, for fear of rapid cycling. Two years in we got married. Our plan was to move up to santa cruz, where she got accepted at UCSC! We were so happy and excited. Its been her dream to get out of the house, and go get her degree. So here we are, about 8 hours from home. I miss my father, mother, brothers, sister. I miss home. I am the only one that can work and bring in the money. My rent is too high. I can't cover hour expenses. Two weeks ago I had to leave early because my wife called saying she was feeling like hurting herself again. Shes been heavily depressed. She just lays in bed all day, watches tv shows for the short distraction they provide. I feel like she is just rotting. Her inspiration shot. I have so many more stressors than before. I have to support this household with the limited income I can provide. I have to continue to go to school. I have to take care of her needs greatly. Rock her to sleep and pat her goodnight so she doesnt get nightmares. I have to take care of her pets and things. She makes a huge mess in the room everytime I go to work. I have to clean it up after I get home. I try to tell her not to embark on any projects unless she can commit herself to cleaning up after. Still, I just cleaned this room yesterday. Now there is all sorts of trash, clothes, jewelry, scattered throughout the floor. Like I said, money is running out. She loves the temporary relief that buying things provide. I accidentally let things out of hand. We have 8 reptiles in our room. No more she promises. But whenever she sees something that she wants, she will want it and want it. Eventually, while I am at work and away from home she convinces herself that I dont want her to be happy, because I dont want to but it for her. But the real situation is that we only have 2k in our bank account, I make about 1k a month, and rent is 900 dollars. Tap on all other living expenses and you do the math! Ever since her last suicide fiasco, I have been so so depressed... I feel so lost.. I have to much pressure on me. To much pressure to succeed. I am on written warning at work, further mistakes will lead to termination I was told. Luckily I am about to wrap up my AA in accounting. Hopefully I will be able to score a part time job earning more than I do now at 32 hours. Its hard to be at work for 8 hours a day knowing that your wife is depressed, and could possibly have suicidal thoughts. I need support, someone I can call when she is feeling like hurting herself and I am at work, otherwise I am gonna get fired. She needs new medication, that's my best shot at getting through this. I feel like quitting. I miss home. I thought id get over that by now. We've been living here for 6 months. She is doing poorly in school. We recieve financial aid but it isnt enough. I know shes smart, shes incredibly logical. Logic is her axe and reasoning is her shield. Unfortunately, emotions are her enemy. Halloween is her favorite holiday. Sadly, we got dressed up and only stayed in bed, she doesnt feel good. It feels good to ramble. I feel stuck. I feel guilty.. lately ive just been feeling like I want to leave. I feel ugly, and disgusting like one of her childhood enemies. Thinking about her committing suicide, provides me with a moment of sorrow accompanied by a sense of relief. I know id never let it happen, or encourage it to happen. But my brain still thinks it, without my permission. Shes sleeping now, she looks so peaceful with her halloween makeup still on. So alone. We havent even had sex in about a month or two. I really blew it, when I decided to have sex with her while she was on ambien. She woke up and thought I was one of her childhood enemies. We were up stairs, only way down was on a ladder. She held keys close to her in case she needed to stab me. She looked at me with intense fear. She sprayed me with lysol when I held her back from trying to escape. I didnt want her to climb down the ladder while on ambien, the fall was to deadly. She dint understand tho, regardless my attempt to explain the situation. Eventually I agreed to go downstairs and help her down the ladder. We did that, she got down stairs. She told me to leave, and to not hurt her husband (whom she thought was abducted too). She locked the door after me, and I was in the dark rain. I ran and ran and ran until I got to a church. I prayed and prayed, and ran back. When I got back she was on the futon still sleeping. I was so relieved. I got in the car and waited. Played my guitar which happened to be in the car, sorrowfully. I got out to check on her again, heard something that sounded like gunshots(fireworks) and looked through the window and saw that she was gone! I freaked, assuming she somehow got her hands on a gun and was now killing my roommates because of the psychotic state I put her in! I got in the car and drove, I needed a phone (didnt have my cell at the time) eventually I saw a cop going the opposite direction, I ripped a U turn and honked at him. He pulled over, I explained the gun shots, he drove to my house called for back up. I saw my wife walking on the side of the street holding a butter knife. We went up to her and asked her if she was ok, she recognized me. I told her to put the knife down, the cop asked her why she had a knife, and she said "You know to cut vegetables and things", so adorable. Eventually other cops agreed they heard a popping noise and ruled it to be fireworks of some sort. (turns out our neighbors like to blow up poppers). I explained to her the whole thing. She was so incredibly sad, she honestly thought she had been abused by other men. Turned out the abuser was just me in a flight of sexual arousal. Now sex is just weird. We still do it from time to time. She still can get really aroused suddenly and want to sex five times a day. But when shes sad, I can always tell that moment is replaying in her head. I am such a horrible man. I don't deserve her bodies pleasures. I don't know how much more I can support, I just want to drop the platter of all the things this relationship has brought, plug my ears before it breaks, and hide somewhere dark and alone. Cry until my tears wont flow anymore, and find some stability in life. 7 months in, a life time to go. I feel like a single mom, being a constant caregiver. When I crack and ball out about everything towards her, somehow she becomes aware, hugs and kisses me, tickles and licks me. Says " everythings gonna be ok". gives me hope and love. I feel selfish when I do that because I know she feels sad and needs me to be doing that at the time. But its hard. Its just the one thing I need to hear. I dont need friends, therapists, or my fundamental christian family telling me those things. I need my wife to tell me them. When she does, I find my strength to cope, which quickly fades. My frusteration grows ever forth. With every command she gives me as she just lays there in bed. I know she is just sick. I think what knocked the wind out of me was her recent suicide talk, the souls just been ripped out of me. I am living life now out of fear.
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replied February 24th, 2011
Get rid of the bum - I'm sorry, but I've had enough with a bi-polar spouse. Always on edge because I don't know where he's coming from - Always this uncalled for rage - Oh, I need to understand him? His rages, his property destruction, his nasty insults, his personal attacks -
Excuse the f**k outta me - where in this world is it proscribed that I have to put up with this behavior? Unless this person is totally committed to his regimen of drugs & therapy - forgetaboutit! It will be a lifetime of needless suffering by you & your children & they will carry the dysfunctional family dynamics on to their family - It carries forward - I have seen this with my own eyes - You are not special enough to overcome his bi-polar - Think about having children w/this person - You could be condemning them to a miserable life of bi-polar too - I am so sorry I didn't realize what I was dealing with & now I've allowed my daughter to carry bi-polar, & I've yet to see if my grandchildren may also have this curse. Get away from anyone w/bi-polar - You will only know grief!!!
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replied February 24th, 2011
Get rid of the bum - I'm sorry, but I've had enough with a bi-polar spouse. Always on edge because I don't know where he's coming from - Always this uncalled for rage - Oh, I need to understand him? His rages, his property destruction, his nasty insults, his personal attacks -
Excuse the f**k outta me - where in this world is it proscribed that I have to put up with this behavior? Unless this person is totally committed to his regimen of drugs & therapy - forgetaboutit! It will be a lifetime of needless suffering by you & your children & they will carry the dysfunctional family dynamics on to their family - It carries forward - I have seen this with my own eyes - You are not special enough to overcome his bi-polar - Think about having children w/this person - You could be condemning them to a miserable life of bi-polar too - I am so sorry I didn't realize what I was dealing with & now I've allowed my daughter to carry bi-polar, & I've yet to see if my grandchildren may also have this curse. Get away from anyone w/bi-polar - You will only know grief!!!
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replied February 25th, 2011
AAAAAGGGGGGG
I am married to a bipolar man . I am going crazy cause of it. I know that im a good person. I know I am not perfect and at times can be a downright b! But give me a break. He will convince me that I am the scum of the earth. When just 3 days ago he said how proud he was of me and so overjoyed that we got married. I was the best wife anyone could ask for. He breaks the house ruls all the time but when I do it Im evil . Im shaking as I type this cause im so very hurt and angry. More angry. He and I just got married 6 months ago! I have a 12 year old boy! Im sick of this . I feel like im in my first marriage with an abuser with out the beating. But I feel the same as I did then. I swore I would never feel this way again Im 40! I want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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replied March 7th, 2011
Defeating all odds.
I am very seriously considering marrying someone with bipolar. Even though he has constant mood swings, says mean things when he gets angry or insecure, and times blows it out of proportion, I still wouldn't change him. He will readily admit when he is at fault, even if it takes a little time for him to realize it. He has never once been violent, is extremely against cheating, and I know in my heart he gives me his full honesty even when I slip up with being honest at times. Knowing that only 10% of marriages involving bipolar partners survive makes me even MORE determined to make our relationship work. I don't always deal with his disorder perfectly, but I could never be more sure about being with him. The most amazing part is, even though I've known him for years, the majority of our relationship has been long distance and we only see eachother every couple of weeks. I've spent weeks at a time with him though and I know what I'm getting myself into. Not many people can handle a long distance relationship let alone with bipolar disorder, and I believe anyone can make it happen with enough faith, compassion and knowledge of bipolar.
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replied March 7th, 2011
Me and my boyfriend are planning on getting married as soon as we have finished all of our education and he is bipolar. But knowing the odds of survival of a bipolar marriage, makes me want to make it work more. He has never cheated and always admits when he is at fault. he has been the perfect partner when he isnt having an episode. but since his medication change, he has been so much better to deal with. he is even there for me during the hard times i have with my family. Plus his grandparents have been happily married for over 40 years and his grandfather has had bipolar since he was a child. so if you love them enough and they love you enough, then it can work. you just have to face things head on and get the help when it is needed.
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replied February 16th, 2012
i'm about to collapse
I have been married for almost five years. My husband goes through different moods. We have never talked about the possibility of him having Bipolar Disorder. He can be a sweetheart and such a gentle person. I know he loves me sincerely. But also, after very minor incidents (like: putting off the light, not having pepsi in the house, him not having clean socks, him being hungry, etc...) he can become extremely mean and rude. If i defend myself even in a very gentle way, he starts going exponentially in his anger and in his demeaning words. He also threatens with beating, and he has done it so many times in these 5 years. I am often ordered to go down on the floor and repent of my offense so that his anger is vented. I have been bruised so many times and hit on my face and head. His rages usually don't stop before something interrupts it, like me saying: 'I think you broke something in my face.' This is when he wakes up out of it and starts taking care of my injuries. He suddenly becomes very compassionate, he feels awful, but he blames it on me. For the next 2 days, he becomes very caring, until another episode happens. He says that i have the key. This usually means that i have to listen to his meanness and hurtful words and be more attentive to all his detailed orders. I am exhausted, i feel that i carry the world on my shoulders. I am afraid of getting children, even though we both adore kids. Is this genetic? I seriously live in fear and feel like i'm walking on tiptoes around him so that i don't cause him to go into another episode.
As i read this forum, i was crying my heart out. Thank you for sharing your pain. May the Lord give us love and patience throughout this journey, and may he be the stability of our families.
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replied February 19th, 2012
needing advice
Please tell me if this is bipolar disorder or if it is something else. I need some guidance from a professional.
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replied February 16th, 2012
LEAVE
Are you kidding me? This man is a lunatic! You are sooooo being abused. What the heck is wrong here? You need to LEAVE him asap.
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replied May 17th, 2013
20 Years Later
I have to tell this to someone and you are the first forum that I found. I lost my love to bipolar depression. The first 5 years were wonderful then the descent into hell began.

In year 18 the kids and I left after years of abuse. Now I find out that she will get the entire retirement account since she's "destitute," unemployable, and a physical and mental wreck. I am nearly 56 and left with virtually no retirement account and a heart so damaged that I'm certain that I will never love or trust again.

For those of you with bipolar depression I'm very sorry, so sorry. I understand that I'm better off than her; she's the one trapped in that disease.

Still, I lost my love to bipolar depression. I feel as if my life is over due to her disease and her unwillingness to take treatment seriously when there was still time. I feel as if a spear has been shoved through my belly and I can't get it out of me. I want to die.

To those of you married to bipolar depression my advice this morning is "run now, before your heart is destroyed by it."
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