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Marriage And Bipolar Disorder (Page 2)


February 28th, 2008
THANK YOU
Thank you for your words of wisdom. He is in a very confident, cocky stage and is impossible to reason with. Praise God we don't have the rage or anger issue.
He refuses to go back to see his dr and is opposed to any med changes. We do have an appointment for a med check mid march...but that feels like a 100 years from now!

I feel like giving up on this. When do I get my needs met? How can I be a yo yo with my emotions. How can I pretend to be happy when I am not feeling loved at all by my husband? When he comes down off of this cockyness and confident time, how do I bounce back into a relationship with him. I am human! UGH
sorry for all the complaining!
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replied February 29th, 2008
I think my husband suffers from bipolar disorder but is still undiagnosed. He left 6 weeks ago while I was at work. We had only been married 5 months. I knew he was depressed and he was stressed about work, house hunting, and stressed about his immediate family. He always said he had to take care of everybody and I didn't know why he kept saying that to me. Suddenly he left and then just kind of checked out of all his responsibilities. He has never been violent with me. In the days before he left he was distracted, distant, not sleeping, etc. My in-laws tried to warn me but every time I tried to address it he was OK and ensured me he was fine. I guess he was pretending with me that he was OK. Since he left I can't seem to say anything right to him. I found out he cheated on me and I think he's living with this woman. He'll only communicate with me over email and he never really answers anything directly. He said he's seeing a psychiatrist now and makes it a point to tell me they haven't prescribed anything because he's not crazy. I wish I could go to a session with him, or at least find out who he's seeing so I can tell them what's happened. He's made it so I feel like I'm the one with a problem and I question all my actions. He's stopped communicating altogether with the rest of his family. I don't even know where he's living even though he says he's not being secretive and hiding...he explains it that he just left, "that's all." He seems to be surprised with everyone's reactions at his sudden disappearance and continued absence.

This site has been very helpful. I'm seeing that a lot of people have or are experiencing similar situations.
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replied March 6th, 2008
overwhelmed
My husband too has bipolar. So many of these situations sound so familiar. It feels so relieving and sad all at the same time. I am having a hard time because my husband has continually threatened "divorce" and is now telling me his is unattracted to me or anyone. He wants us to be married but have no questions, "relations". but just live in limbo basically. That isn't a realationship! I love my husband but the verbal and emotional confusion has me walking in circles. I am so frustrated! I am trying to make things work, mainly because of my faith at this point. I am just litterally exahusted.
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replied May 2nd, 2011
Overwhelmed,

I understand what you are feeling. You want to make things worse but he keeps saying why bother it's not even worth it anymore there are too many problems and all the problems are your fault. I worry but he feels guilty that I worry and it just makes things worse. I am starting to think that everything is my fault. I love him so much but I fear that he will never get better and our marriage will end in ruin.
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replied May 2nd, 2011
Overwhelmed,

I understand what you are feeling. You want to make things worse but he keeps saying why bother it's not even worth it anymore there are too many problems and all the problems are your fault. I worry but he feels guilty that I worry and it just makes things worse. I am starting to think that everything is my fault. I love him so much but I fear that he will never get better and our marriage will end in ruin.
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replied March 17th, 2008
husband has bipolar and is hypochondriac
My husband was recently diagnosed with Bipolar. I have known him for 3 years and the simptoms have only surfanced in the last year. We have 2 children under the age of 2. One is 16 months and the most recent addition is 3 months. I am at a point where fear has taken a hold of my senses. I'm constantly confused and unsure of wether i should stay with him because I love him and he seems to be alone in this. Then on the other hand I feel suffocated and abandoned by everyone i once loved because I chose to stay with him.
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replied March 18th, 2008
confused
I have been reading more about bipolar and all the books seem to be about my husband. I want to stay with him but the things he says, though I know I shouldn't take them to heart I do. How do I seperate him from his illness? I am not sure if there is even a difference anymore. I feel confused all the time about what to do. I don't want to be his mother I want to have an equal relaionship and be his wife, but it seems almost impossible. Now I feel like I have been manipulated into the marriage because he said he only married me because it was what was expected of him and he only went to church and pretended to belive in God because he knew that is the only way I would marry him, and that broke my heart! I just feel so used and now all these books are telling me things can work but I have to basically give up my hopes and dreams to take care of my husband but where does that leave me. ESPECIALLY because he wont take meds or see a psychiatrist. I thought about giving him a timeline to make and attend a psych appt. and begin meds and if not he needs to go. I don't want to but I can't live in this limbo forever either. PLus I know how that conversation goes... he gets mad and storms off and says why don't I just leave now then. I am just so frustrated. Thanks for listening!
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replied March 18th, 2008
Tired and not doing well
The last 2 posts sound all too familiar. It's been over 2 months now since my husband left, and my last contact with him was on the phone 2 weeks ago where he ended up hanging up on me. I basically told him I thought he needed help. I also got upset because he wouldn't tell me where he was living and I found out he was still talking to this other woman while all along I was mourning him because he wouldn't take my calls and would take days at a time to respond to my emails. I'm tired, heartbroken, and I know my friends and family are tired with me as they are on this roller coaster with me. As time goes on I start to realize that this other relationship he started was probably only 4 months since we got married. While I thought things were OK at home and he was depressed and stressed about work, it was more....I spent my lunch hour looking for lawyers on the web. I don't want to but I think it's the only choice because I can't keep waiting for him if he doesn't want us anymore. We were together 5 years, and for some reason 5 months of marriage was all he could take. I spent last night looking at our wedding pictures and I know the looks we gave each other was real and true love. Where did it go? Why did it disappear for him? I almost feel like I'm having a nervous break down and wish I can run away too.
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replied March 20th, 2008
at my wits end
I got all excited when my husband wanted to go to a psych appt and aggreed to start taking any meds RXed but... last night he spent our grocery money on drugs!!! I was so pissed that I had to take a ride. Then I got accused of "running" so when I walked back in the house to "confront" him and prove that I was willing to fight for our marriage. Then he just told me to get out. I cleared my head for a few hours and decided that it is counterproductive to argue with a disease and just hope and pray things get better after he sees the DR. Then this am he isn't talking to me and acting like I am the one that did wrong because I left. Now he wants to quite his job and wont talk to me about anything. He just says "I don't feel like talking to you about this" or "I dont want you to be involved" I am his wife for goodness sake. I feel like ripping my hair out! NOW I am at work freaking out and I can't even leave cause I have a huge meeting today that could literally make or break my position and now he wants to quite his job he has only had for a month! I don't know how much more of this I can take! Thanks for letting me rant.
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replied April 26th, 2008
Re: My Husband has BiPolar Disorder
Jessicab1,
I know exactly how you are feeling and my heart goes out to you. I left my husband almost 3 years ago. We still see each other and he has had numerous affairs. He is having one now. He is lying about it and I feel the same as you do. I am in love with my husband, but I don't know the man he is now. He tells me he wants me, but still has sex with others. That tears me up so bad. I take it very personal and it hurts my heart and soul. But I have been told here that I should go to a therapist and thinking about it over the past few weeks. I believe they are right. This place has been a gem for me and I am glad I found it. Take care of you. I have let things get out of hand with me and now I am on the verge of losing my job because of all this. Get the help you need to make yourself ok.
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replied May 12th, 2008
I've lived the nightmare. My wife blamed me for her depression, started drinking with these bizarre friends, would come home and throw up all over my house until it finally climaxed with her filing for divorce and running off with some other guy. Now she's on her medications and she wants her family back. On her meds she's a sweet and loving wife, off her med she is satan.
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replied February 2nd, 2009
bp husband and a homeo fanatic wife against ssri medication
i am on venlafaxine and xanax.my wife is staunchly for homeo medicines.i take medicines on the sly.i want to know how to deal with this conflict since i have been weaned on allopathic medicines.
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replied February 8th, 2009
another ruined holiday
I am not sure if my husband is bp, but he has the signs. We have been married for almost 3 years and he is the most inconsistent person I've ever met...everything is about him. He has difficulty holding a job because he gets very anxious and expects me to be his all, just putting up with it and never voicing the stress of me having to support our family. He has no other friends and blames me for any issues that come up. I am either his savior or the source of all of his problems. He is mostly absent (on computer, has to get out, has to go to school, needing to sleep, any way of not being present to us.) He does love our daughter but is primarily a playmate. He critcizes me if she has a tantrum, as 2 year olds will, saying I am the problem. (he'd prefer to let her watch tv for hours on end.) Anger is not allowed on my part nor is being sick or needing him for anything. If I call him on something, he cannot handle it, again blaming me for yelling or fighting, never addressing the initial issue. We have a 2 year old and I am pregnant. I did love my husband but am resentful of all of the energy he takes. He is a taker not a giver. There is very little affection and no sex. Yesterday was my birthday and I received more criticism as a gift.

I am seriously considering divorcing him, which is very against my values and I, of course, worry about how it will affect my very young children who I am very grateful for and who need to be bonding with us at this point in their lives. He says he wants family life, but is more as a reference point than to actually be IN it. BTW he is on meds but not diagnosed with bp but depression. We have gone to counseling bot he quits after one or two sessions. Help.
Thanks
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User Profile
replied February 12th, 2009
Experienced User
Hey there people.

I have just recently found out that I have Bipolar.

After reading this forum (and I have now done so 4-5 times now) I feel like crap. I have been so caught up in how I feel I did not think of the people around me.

I am one of the Bipolars that get agressive. I have never been physically agressive but have on many occasions screamed and swore like a mad man. I usually leave the house and do a dissapearing act for the next 9-10 hours after this. During this time I drink like a fish....sometimes I will get anphetimines. I will sit by myself and end up in a severe depression to the point I want to hurt myself.....and then sometimes I follow through with it and cut. I will also refuse to answer my phone or I will txt my wife telling her I am going to hurt myself and then refuse to reply to her after. I once called her and than attempted to hang myself while she was on the phone.

I have done nothing but hurt her and my two babies. My 4 year old daughter wont let me go down to the shop without a cuddle as she says "you dont always come back". I dont understand why I do what I do. i feel like I dont even know who I am.

When she tells me how she feels afterwards I get so defensive. I take is a personal attack on me and I lash out again. I will say "if you dont want me then kick me out".

I am sorry that you all have to go through this.

I cant imagine what us crazy bipolars would be like if we did not have people like you there for us. I dont think I could survive personally.

xoxox

Brad
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replied April 17th, 2009
bipolar disorder/relationships
hello every one...I guess i would like to tell you about a 2 year nightmare i lived in with my ex who has bipolar disorder, we have a son together who is now 16 months old today, we separated when he was only 4 months old. His bipolar was probably the worse i had ever seen in my life and he put my life through hell...He drank real bad, everyday all day from the time he woke up till he went to bed, he stayed out all night drugging while i was pregnant with our son constant paranoia on his part he kind of went into like a phsycopath mode he would be in the yard inspecting for tire tracks thinking someone had been there when there wasn't. Making up stories like saying one of his friends told him i hit on him and was hooking up with him and then going to his friend and saying i said it to try and get a confession when i never cheated on him, i loved him with all my heart and i tried as hard i had ever tried before in my life to keep us together and to make it work. He was addicted to cocaine and alcohol, and any one who knows about bipolar disorder they know people who are bipolar use alcohol and drugs to self medicate because they think it will make everything better when in reality it worsens the condition to a dangerous level for you in the relationship, he get violent hateful and cruel to me. he busted wholes in my walls, hacked up our kitchen floor, busted out windows, ripped my screen doors off threw them 6 ft across the yard, he began to get so crazy then one night he really did it he tried to run me down with our 4 month old son in my arms trying to run from him in the car. i made it to my family's house in time called the cops, but he came to the house anyway kicked open the door while me and our son were in front of it, and hit my baby in the head and then walked into the house and hit me 5 times in my face while still holding our son a 4 month old. He would take it his anger to another level and further and further each time he got mad which was 4 times everyday we had been in many many many fights before then he drug me through my bathroom floor one time while i was pregnant with our son and i had always taken him back with his promises to change. I tried to save us because in the beginning he was perfect and absolutely wonderful to me. I looked up his condition read on it for months tried to help with what i had learned, i Looked up doctors to help treat him, got into family counseling, got him on medication, but he wouldn't take it he would forget about it or just not care about and just kept on drinking, I guess for those of you who really love your spouse try hard and hold on tight cause its going to be one long hard ride but if he starts getting worse and worse and your or your childrens life start being compromised then you know what you need to do, because he can change he just has to set his mind to it so you shouldn't put up with him hurting you and putting your life through hell....and don't be unfair to your children they deserve a happy life after all they didn't ask to be here or to be born that was you and his decision so do whats best for them and give them a good life, thats why i left i didn't want my son to grow up knowing that as his life, i said to myself everyday, this cannot be my life. I can't possibly be living in this nightmare everyday. I think if you try hard to save your relationship everyday and do everything in your power and they still don't budge I don't think you're wrong for leaving
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replied July 21st, 2009
I've had enough of BP
Ok so I have been to this forum before and it helped a bit. My husband was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I can honestly say that I have been through the gammit with him. I left almost four years ago and am still dealing with his crap, yes I know that I can end it, but I love him very much, and wanted to be there for him. I have through all the other women...even a 22 year old girl...which made me sick, because we have a 23 yr old daughter, but I still let him into my life. I have tried to be the person he needs me to be, which hell I'm not even sure what that is anymore. I lost myself along the way and now I am at the point where I just feel crazy and out of control. I cry all the time.
We didn't see each other for 4 months because he got a restraining order against me. Which is ludicris, because if he doesn't want me around I don't go around. He was so malicious in court. Telling the judge things that I did, which in fact were things he did. I have been ridiculed by everyone except the people that know me. He also filed for divorce and told me the reason was that I didn't contact him for 4 months..HELLO he had a restraining order..And once again here I am with my heart hurt. He called me on the phone not to long ago and wanted to see me. He told me that he was sorry that his drug addiction didn't let him see how much he loved me or how much I meant to him. He knew that I would call him back, because I love him and want to be with him. The drugs were just the tip of the iceberg. I could go on and on. But I'll refrain.

Anyway, when I first met up with him. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me...that was 2 months ago...the other day he informed me that he wanted to do what he wanted to do and now he is sober and he loves me, but I can either deal with this or not that I needed to let him know. I am so tired of letting him into my heart, only to get it smashed and for what, because the lies he tells himself and believes them. The worse thing was the other night when he told me that he knew I was sleeping with other men and that it didn't matter to him. I was like that and would never change. My heart sunk in my feet. I haven't slept with any other men, only him. I even had to go get checked for diseases because he didn't wear a condom and he screwed some pretty nasty females.
He also told me that he didn't think that I have ever been myself..I had to laugh. I know what I have come through to get to this place in my life. I use to be heavy on meth in my younger years ( I am 46 now) and literally had to pull my head out. I worked for my BS in Business and am now on my way to a Masters in Management. I am so tired and stressed all the time. Everytime I let him in I get hurt all over again.And he doesn't care. I'm tired, stressed and feel so down on me that sometimes I just want to lay in bed and not get up. This man has made my life hell and he can't see tha forest for the trees. And I am tired of making excuses for his assinine behavior. He won't tak meds...he goes to couseling only to manipulate and get what he wants. I don't mean to sound like a whiner, but I need to hear from people that deal with this. My self esteem is about nill right now and with the exception of work. I hide myself away, so I can cry and be alone, which is not good either....Help!!
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replied July 22nd, 2009
Dr and I came to the conclusion that to stop this binge eating I have I have to try something new. I tried Lamictal for 4 days. Wife says that I have been irritable with her and at 1 point mean. I feel like I have more energy though and at work I am able to do stuff and not veg out (like I did with lithium). But it makes me talk more at work whereas Lithium kept me safe from saying the wrong thing. I told my Dr about the irritability with my wife and he suggested I stop taking it for 1 week to see if other things are bothering me. Has anyone had this Lamictal experience? Should my wife be more understanding?
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replied August 4th, 2009
Well, I can't believe this site exists. I'm glad to have found it. Need a place to go to vent and talk I guess. I've been married to someone with bp for 43 years. Yes, I know. A long time. But it took years to figure the mood swings, etc. out. Over 10 years ago I was packing my bag for the last time. Made an appointment with a psychiatrist for myself. I thought I was crazy and needed help figuring out why I took the abuse. Not physical. Emotional. After that initial conversation, he convinced me my husband was depressed and to see if he would come to the office with me. He told the husband I was leaving him, that I'd seen a doctor who recommended we go in together for a chat. He readily agreed. I was encouraged. But let me tell you, the bp never goes away. He has every symptom and manifestation that has been discussed on this forum. I always felt there was something wrong with the "marriage". He didn't love me enough and then he'd been wonderful. I was very confused. Now after all this time it seems senseless and useless to go. But I want to every day. His bp is almost constant now. No joy at all. I don't know if he takes his meds. They are in the car. What a surpirse. We have two beautiful daughters and four grandchildren. I know he loves them and me. But he has done and said some very hurtful things to me. I ask myself why am I still here? Do they marry people instinctively they know will love them no matter what they do or say?
My advise to anyone out there is get out. If your partner does not at least communicate with you then you must save yourself. After a while, the talking will stop. They will sink deeper and take you with them. Sorry if this is such a downer but it is how I feel.
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replied August 6th, 2009
Don't wait until it's too late!
Hello All,
I was married to a man with BP for 22 years, and we have two children. For 17 out of the 22 years he would go into these episods of rage and I could never figure out why. The kids and I both were so afraid. After he would calm down, I would beg him to go to the doctor and see if there was something wrong. Finally after 17 years of dealing with his rage and our fears, he went to talk to a doctor. And this only happened after he attacked our son. I was hit by this man, degrated by him and was left feeling like things were always my fault. When I would tell him I was afraid of him, he made it out to be all in my head. So after his visit to the doctor he was diagnosed with depression. After a few more visits he was then diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. Three years later after moving 1000 miles because of his job, he tell me he feels so good he now wants a divorce. I found out he has hooked up with a women from work. He ruined us financialy, he is an alcholic and will never take responsibility for himself and his choices. After dealing with with man and sticking by him with all of his mental issues for 22 years, he wants out! So now I need to tell you all that after being away from him for almost two years, my kids and I have now realized just how much he stressed us out. No one yells at us, swears at us, tells us were stupid and we don't know what we're talking about. Life is alot calmer now. As much as I loved that man. I wish for not only my sake but for my childrens sake, I would have got out alot sooner. Good Luck to you all that are married to a person with BP. It is alot of work, alot of tears and alot of heartache.
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Users who thank nolongerheartsick for this post: isawthelight 

replied August 6th, 2009
I congratulate you for saving your children and yourself. Don't look back. Two years ago you started the first day of the rest of your life. If you had stayed with him things would only have gotten worse for you. Your story is like reading a script - there is very little deviation with bp behaviors and actions. I think men are particularly aggressive and abusive. They are naturally stronger than women and this really makes it more dangerous to be in this type of relationship for a woman. My question for myself is why did I stay? I still have to come to grips with that one.
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replied September 27th, 2009
Bipolar disease and relationships
I am soooooo grateful for these honest comments. My dear love of my life suffers from BD. I really understand, more than ever what living in the NOW truly means. I take it one moment at a time.
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replied September 27th, 2009
I'm mulling over your reply re: living in the NOW. Is that going to be enough for you down the road when the now gets really smaller each time an episode occurs? They last longer and longer and the BP person will not accept that they have a problem at that point. Think long and hard about how much you can take. Of course, they are the love and of your life. It's always that way you know. Sorry.
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