Medical Questions > Mental Health > Eating Disorders Forum

Just Need to Talk! I Feel Proud!

Okay so im sitting here feeling amazed with myself, while my ed is not thinking the same things. Btw ive only posted like, one message on here, so ill fill you in a bit.

My ed started in about jan - feb, with starting to want to lose weight in jan, and actualy doing it the right way, uno, healthy salads and sandwiches etc, exercise. Then I didnt see any difference and really cut sick and guess what happened I said f**k this im eating some chocolate and some more chocolate and pizza etc binge. Then omfg I cant believe myself I think I will throw up. Anyway so that igues began in feb this year, with once every few days, whcih continued until about late march - april when it spirralled out of control and I was doing it 3 times a day, every day. I wouldnt eat anything I didnt throw up. I thought I was good when I didnt binge until 8pm. My goal was to go "a day without food", but I failed at this all the time, not suprisingly. My best friend also has ed for about 2 or 3 years, so I know a lot from her. I am 15yrs old atm. Things got really realy bad for me when I was doing it 3-a-day, and in late april I took an overdose of anything and ended up in hospital, on a drip for like, 4 days. They decided I wasnt depressed or whatever enough to go into the phyc ward so they sent me home.

Big mistake

things got worse from there - I wouldnt go to school all I would do all day is b/p. It was like I got excited, knowing no one would be home to see me, and I wouldnt have so many obstackles around purging.

So things were f**king terrible towards april-may. At the end of may I was admitted to a phyc ward for 2.5 weeks after I let someone know about my plans for my self harm that following week. The phyc ward was a lil crazy (lol), but it made me focus on the things I needed to focus on - but I hated it. Things didnt improve when I was discharged and put on the outpatient unit for 6.5 weeks and things still werent going good. They were horrible.

At the end of my outpaitient stint (start of august) I think I was b/p twice a day. I stopped having my black thoughts and black days and I was eating maybe like an apple or a carrot, and letting it digest.

After the outpatient thing I was put in school for as much as I could handle, which was sucessful to me and I did great - I did what I could and no moer and no less. At the end of august I got a p/t job and that was great for me.

Things didnt really start improving until about end of august, when I realised if I wanted to beat this, I could do it. My family and nurses gave me so much courage and determination. I then used that and fought with my head when it told me I shouldnt be smiling, because I didnt deserve to smile, because I had caused everyone elses pain. I struggled through september but things got better. And things are better. By september I cut down to mostly once a day b/p or sometimes 2. I was very proud of myself.

I started dating a guy from work and he knows everything about me - ed, phyc ward, suicide - I couldnt imagine how much of a help he is to me. He is so great and always just telling me how beautiful I am and how I can beat this and he will help me always.

For the last 6 weeks, I am winning. I am not putting black thoughts in my head, because I deserve better than that. I am putting my best effort into everything I do, and at school I dont care what marks I get as long as I try cause if I try I cant fail. My proudest moment was definately the 6th of october. My first binge / purge free day. I dont know why I wanted to tell my story, I just wanted to let you girls and guys know that there is hope, and you can get through this, no matter how much ed tells you that you dont deserve food or happiness - you do. Continue to fight against your head because you are worth it.

....Has any one else had a similar story to me? I would like a buddy that could help each other with supporting each other.

Take care everyone xxxx
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replied October 28th, 2005
Experienced User
Congratualations that is awesome I am glad u feel like u have some strength to beat this
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