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Confused Re Trans Issues In Me...possible Androgyne

Born a male and 15 wks premature in 1982 (hence my login name), have been sort of depressed ever since I was around 4-5 yrs old and have had stress ever since birth. Around the time I was 6-7 yrs old I was wondering why I couldn't wear girls clothes, I pushed these thoughts to the back of my mind, never really had any inclination to try on girls clothes (maybe wanted to but couldn't see it through all the other things I was trying to deal with (not dealing with it just pushing it away!), everything felt like a chore...Homework, eating etc. Just felt like I wanted to relax 24/7.

Also, i've always found myself singing the female parts in songs and wishing for 'equal rights' for women (nz was the first country to give women the vote in 1893!). In between all this i've tried making friends (a mix of guys and girls) and have succeeded in some ways. I see women and feel attracted to them but at the same time i'd like to wear their clothes and 'be' a woman as well...When I go past clothing stores I see clothes i'd like to wear (flowy skirts, pants, halter tops etc.) and then see my body - the two don't mix (not that i'm large or anything, just my body is slightly masculine, i'd like it slightly feminine).

I think what stops me is that i'd like a relationship with a girl and I think about what they'll think of me and on and on it goes.




any comments appreciated.

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replied April 17th, 2006
I was amazed by your post, because they almost exactly mirror my sentiments. This site may be of use: http://en.Wikipedia.Org/wiki/transgender

gender identity is completely separate from sexual orientation, so it is perfectly normal to have a sexual preference for women, yet identify more with being female, or vice versa. It is similar for me, except I am bisexual, although my preference is for women. I exhibit similar behaviour to you, e.G. Singing female parts, wishing to dress in female clothes. I always had a split male/female identity, yet I always preferred the female, and often fantasised (and still do) that I was a beautiful girl/woman. My body language is naturally feminine, although I normally restrain it to be neutral - I dislike the general essence of masculinity and find it shameful to express, and that I was far more built for feminine qualities, such as caring, tenderness, thinking in an emotional context, and helping with others. While it is possible for a male to do this also, you may, like me, still identify much more with women. For example, if I see a woman I find attractive/charismatic, I will often imitate her mannerisms (be they feminine or not) but I will almost never do this with a man. When I was young, I wanted to have the look of somebody like celine dion or mariah carey. However, I also have masculine traits, which results in the "split" personality. To me, it seems as if you are similar - you are not quite a "woman trapped in a man's body" but you are somewhere in between that and simply being curious about being a woman and cross-dressing.
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