I have gone to aa meetings. I am an alcoholic and have been for 2 years. I have prayed just about everything. I am seeing a therapist now but I don't think she really understands me. I have panic attacks and I am so messed up. I don't want to be this way but the booze makes me calm. Is the anyone who can help, I am desparate. Please someone help me because as I am agoraphobig also it doesn't help out so much.
Is the any advice out there? I just feel like I don't want to live anymore, even though I am not living now. :cry:
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replied September 9th, 2005
Experienced User
Well, for one, my advice would be not to think like this. I know it is not easy but stop being so negative, you are only doing harm to yourself. Have faith you are strong enough to get over this.

Second, I would change the therapist...Find someone who understands you, someone you feel free to talk to. That is very important.

And third, try doing things you enjoy, or enjoyed before this happened. I don't know....Maybe play tennis or football, or take walks....Whatever, except drinking alcohol.

Being with your friends may be good for you...But as long as they know your situation and don't drink or talk about it when you are together. Maybe even get a dog...That would be nice....Having a friend next to you at all times and taking daily walks with it....

Also there are medicine that help you remain calm...Anxiolytics...

What do you say?
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replied September 9th, 2005
Drunk Girl
Well, I have 2 dogs, they help but are pains in the butt most of the time.
I just started therapy with this woman and I have an appointment next weds. I'm going to see how it goes.
I've been a mobile disc jockey for 9 years and I can't even do that anymore because of the social phobia and fear of leaving the house. I have heard about the anti anxiety meds and would love to try them I just don't know if they will give them to me or where to find them. I decided to stop drinking and I am going to try very hard this time. I have also started throwing up when I wake up (which happened last time) my esophogas is torn up from the drinking as well as my stomach lining. I just feel like I used to be somebody and now I don't feel normal unless i'm drinking or buzzed. I want to get back to being me (check out my profile on yahoo my id is djajt) and look at my pics, that is who I used to be. Thank you for responding. It's nice to know that there are people that care. I hope to talk with you again.

Amy
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replied September 10th, 2005
Experienced User
Yeah....Those dogs can be a pain in the butt, you're right....But they give you something to do...Something to occupy your mind from all these things.

Starting therapy with a new person is good....I'll keep my finger crossed because therapy is very important...

But I must ask you...What happened that you got social phobia and fear of leaving the house? What about those 9 years as a disc jockey? How come than everything was ok? Something must have happened and you probably need to analyze that and get over it.

As for the anxiolytics...I believe they can be prescribed by a psychiatrist. As far as I know therapists are not allowed to prescribe medicine. I would suggest making an appointment with a psychiatrist and telling what the problem is and what you want.

"i just feel like I used to be somebody and now I don't feel normal unless i'm drinking or buzzed"....Please...You are still somebody, no matter what you may think at this very moment, or no matter what others may say. You are a beautiful woman as I saw in your yahoo profile and i'm under the impression that you enjoyed life to it's fullest before drinking and all....You can go back to that...Have a little faith in you. You seem like a strong person to me and you have to realize that the drinking hasn't changed who you are and what you are capable of....It just made you forget....That's all...

I know you will get over this and return to your old self...You need a little time and to better understand yourself.

And give a big kiss to those dogs of yours....I love dogs. And a kiss for you too, of course. :) ...And if you feel like talking more, just tell me and I will contact you on yahoo messenger.

Kelly
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replied September 11th, 2005
Amy
I hope you're okay? All your symptoms should clear up after you quit drinking and your head clears. I know it's hard, have you spoke to a doc about it? If you can't sleep it off for a week, you can try asking the doc for a mild seditive to take but these you can not mix with alcohol!!!! Also, don't stay on a seditave for longer then 2 to 3 months or you're bound to become addicted to them and you don't want to trade on addiction for another.
You have so much to live for, it's the alcohol that's depressing you and numbing all your feelings. It takes time but you will feel so much better, better then you've ever felt because you'll get yourself back.

Best wishes amy;
sue
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replied September 12th, 2005
Experienced User
Djajt,
your post makes perfect sense to me. Booze always worked for me as well. It fixed my perception of the world. Made it a place I could stand to live in. Of course, I always came to the next morning and all was as I had left it, a total mess. And nobody understood me. They didn’t know what I was going through. How could they? My circumstances were unique, and my problems weren’t like everyone’s. My problems were different.

Go back to aa, pick back up where you left off. Your options in this deal are somewhat limited. You can get into recovery, or you can sink further into your alcoholism. Desperation is a good thing, if it gets you into action. You and only you can make the decision to get into the needed action. If you continue to sit in your self made misery, you will continue to experience the desperation and loneliness you are now feeling.

It might be useful to state here and now that drinking is only a symptom of your underlying problem. Just stopping drinking did not fix me. Just stopping drinking did not make me happy and whole. Just stopping drinking and changing nothing else left me with a hole in the middle of my gut that the wind blew through. I couldn’t stand it. Without the needed physic change, I drank to preserve my sanity, what little of it I had left. Again, go back to aa, get a sponsor and work the steps like your life depends on it. It does.

If you do that, there is a very good chance that you won’t need to eat other types of mood altering substances to hold your sanity together. The spiritual experience talked about in aa is the true source of freedom we have been looking for. It works.

On the road to the good stuff,
richard
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replied September 13th, 2005
On the Road
Well, i've successfully gone nearing 5 days now without a drop to drink. My head is clear and my stomach is much better. I am going to see my therapist tomorrow and they will probably try to get me into see the doctor there. The only real problem i'm having now is i'm on edge all the time and I am having nightmares. But the good side is they make sense to me.

The first one was I was being chased, the second I was completely naked and had to walk home from about 5 miles from my house. I know what these dreams mean but they seem so disturbing when I wake up they send me into a little panic. I have xanax which I am moderating carefully and things are starting to look up. The agoraphobia, well I am about to take care of that.

Oct 14th I leave for port canaveral to board a carnival cruise ship for a 4 day cruise to nassau, then we are driving to ft. Myers from there.
(i live in indiana so i'll be a good distance) this is my 3rd cruise and this time i'm going to play it sober and without a doubt, this time, I will actually remember the cruise.
Thank you all so much for your help and advice. I'll keep you posted on my status on the road to recovery.

Take care,
amy
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