Last year was my freshman year of college. I was 18 and I was dating this guy from my work. After work we would come to my dorm and watch movies. We just watched movies. One night we started kissing, and it started to get kind of heavy so I told him that I did not want to have sex. He said ok fine. We kept kissing and we ended up on the floor. He had my arms pinned behind me and he started to try to undo my pants. I told him no but he didn't stop and he raped me. He thought I was kidding and we were just playing around. I didn't tell anyone about the rape, mostly b/c I knew that if I hadn't have been so dumb as to trust him it never would have happened. In the next few weeks I started to feel different, I felt like something was wrong. I had to urinate alot, and my eating habits changed. I knew he hadn't used a condem but I prayed it would be okay. I felt tired alot and missed my period. I thought that maybe if I did extra strenuous activities all of this would stop and it would just go away. I know that I am a horrible person for doing that but the symptoms increased and after about 8 weeks I decided to go get tested that sat. And it was a tues. On wed. I started to cramp and I was like thank goodness! My period is here! But the cramps were not normal, they made me double over in pain and it just got worse and worse. I didn't know what was happening. I went to the bathroom and passed clumps of tissue that I hoped was just period gunk or something but deep down I knew that I had miscarried. Having this whole ordeal bottled up in side of me for a year is so hard. It is eating away at me. I just wanted to tell someone I am just feeling alone and I feel guilty because I feel like I had something to do with the death of my child. I don't know what to do......
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replied September 1st, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
Where from indiana?

I am glad you confessed your feelings. I dont hink you were anymore responsible as getting raped when you said no. It just wasnt meant to be right now for you--and with a guy who raped you--no its not your fault. I do not believe in abortion, but I do believe it might have been a good thing that you did miscarry.


I send you a hug and all my love

joanna
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replied September 1st, 2005
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Jomarie
I'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you.
I understand why you did what you did; you have to stop blaming yourself!
Nobody really knows how they're going to react , unless they actually go through it. I wish you the best!
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