danellesheree wrote:
my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and 3 months and we have a very loving and suppoortive relationship. He had been depressed in the past (before I we were together) and then had treatment for alcoholism and drugs and is now clean and sober for 2 and a half years. He was so happy that first year, and now has just seemed to be depressive again. We still have a good relationship, but I have researched, and he has all signs of depression (besides suicidal thoughts) and I want to help him. He tries hard to make me feel good sometimes, and I know it hurts him to 'do this to me'. We have no money for any kind of treatment and I have been trying to help him on my own. I have been doing everything I can to support him and help him with his struggles.


Now, I think the depression is rubbing off on me because I feel nothing I do can help him. I know I am depressed too and am afraid to show him this and discourage him further. I really need help!!! What should I do?


look and see if your local university has a cbt program as these are often free of charge there. Short of that you could pick up a copy of my favorite book on cbt and overcoming anxiety and depression and if you guys dedicate yourself to the tools together it will change your life. It called been there done that? Do this! Good luck!


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replied December 8th, 2003
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Does Any of This Sound Familiar?
What is codependency?
Following is a commonly used list of characteristics of co-dependency.



My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.
Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain.
My mental attention is focused on you.
My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way.
My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.
My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.
My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests.
Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me.
Your behavior is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me.
I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want. I am not aware - I assume.
The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.
I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.


To find out more check out the post called 'codependence'
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replied December 8th, 2003
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Enmeshment is pretty common in relationships, but not everyone is able to find their way out of it. I'm glad you found a solution.

Best wishes!
Daniel
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