I'm involved in one now. We have a baby daughter together. I'm interested in knowing whether anyone here considers themselves in a toxic relationship, and if they've got tips on moving away from the behavior.

My child's father supports us financially, but he uses drugs, drinks way too much, stays out all the time, talks to me and everyone around him like dirt, lies, etc., there's not a hell of a lot of nice things I can say about the guy other than he gives me money. I'm so exhausted by caring for our newborn, and tolerating his bad behavior, that i'm stuck in a rut and not making changes. I've also developed this quest to find out whether he's running around behind my back, which is probably happening given how much he goes out. I know rationally that I should squash the quest, but part of me thinks i'm looking for a reason other than the 100 I already have for leaving him for good.

I've got a touch of post-partum depression going on too. He is some kind of trigger for this. As a sidenote, our child had a lot of medical issues, i'm not working, my finances are bleak, etc., it's a lot to handle at once, and he's making everything so much harder.

I'd love to hear some more stories.
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replied August 2nd, 2005
Re: Toxic Realtionships
First off, congratulations on realizing that there are big problems. That was the hardest thing for me to do. A few years ago now I was involved in a horribly controling relationship with a man that I had convinced myself that I loved. For five years our relationship continued to spiral downwards until I found myself completely empty.

My ex was never physically abusive but emotionally he controled how I felt about myself on a day by day basis. I never let myself get above a certain weight, I never cooked things that he didn't like, in fact I would go out of my way to please him by keeping the house clean, cooking his favorites and staying out of his way.

I was never allowed to be around his friends and when the occasions came around that we were all together he would be mad at me for days after if they liked me or wanted to see me again.

He controled me.

How I got out is of no consequence, the way we get out and into these relationships are as unique as our stories. All that I can tell you is that no matter what people say and most importantly no matter what he says ...You are incredibly strong and you have to be a roll model for your baby. The first month or two are going to be hard, I am not going to lie...But if there is a rainbow at the end of this...A year from now, even 6 months from now you will look back and be thankful that you took the steps to leave.

A few things that you might want to do before you go:

1. Check with your state to see if there are any public assistance programs or places you can go until you are back on your feet.

2. Tell a friend or relative that you trust one you are going to do before you do it.

3. Pack a bag if you have to leave quickly and make sure that you have all of your papers, passport, bank info...Etc.

4. Be brave and remember that this too shall pass!

I hope that this reply finds you well and in the end, no matter what your choice that you find total and utter happieness.

J

if it makes you feel better I am now married to the most wonderful man I have ever met and it is only because I finally left the wrong relationship that I have found the right one.
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replied August 2nd, 2005
Experienced User
Toxic Relationship
Jenny p has said everything I would have said, I have not had this problem but my sister-in-law has,she got away and like jenny said be ready go qickly,j said 1-4 I would like to add a 5th, dont go back he will not change. Good luck to you and god bless.X
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replied August 2nd, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
Very well said from both and get a good attorney and make him pay!

You are too good for this!

He is abusing you!

There are places you can go now for safety!

Good luck! Keep us posted!

Money is not everything!
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replied August 3rd, 2005
Thanks Everyone
I'm selling my house and making steps to get back on my feet financially. There's really no future in the relationship other than contact we must have because of our daugther. I appreciate the honest responses. Oh, and he does support us financially, he does that very well, not much else though.
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replied August 3rd, 2005
So Glad to Hear It
Echopark,

i am glad to see that you are moving on. Keep us posted and very best of luck for the future. I know that in a year from now you will look back and be so happy of the choices that you made.

Wishing you every happiness.

J
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