Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

Bipolar Boyfriend Acted So Crazy, Had to Leave Him, So Sad (Page 1)

I was just reading other comments of bipolar
it is raining here

it matches my mood :cry:

my ex boyfriend who has bipolar, a rollarcoaster experience
i know you have to work at love

but this was unhealthy

i wasted too many months with him, despite everything positive about him, he is a lunatic at times

a different, mean, volatile person

he shows the world how nice he is 99% of the time
while moments before at home or in the car, usually in the car when he is driving, he will yell at me
accuse me of things that are so obusrd, I never cheated on him, never gave him a reason
and he will construct all these stories in his head
that I did,

somehow I sneaked off in a hotel and slept with someone and came back in the room
i mean, what the heck?????
I am 60pounds overweight, I am not some prize

which is beside the point

so abusrd, how can anyone be two different people
one so nice and sweet, charming, romantic, giving, considerate, generous kind, funny, smart
and the other, mean, lying, manipuating, laying guilt trips
broke my purse strap, accusing me of things that I have never done in my life, prior to him

i have a few drinks at his house

a few beers at my house, two beer maxium at a time
and he is sending me emails that I am an alcoholic
and that I am a drug addict

cause I took 4 zanax one each day
cause I am stressed out from him and all

and he says I am an addict when he was smoking pot all the time for months, he stopped, but I don't know what he all does.....

He is out of my life forever now, I hope he won't stalk me
phone or email me

god, help me

bipolar disorder sucks, in my eyes.
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First Helper Newtoallofthis

replied October 11th, 2005
Experienced User
God Good
God good people are you forgeting most of these people have a mental illness. Will if bipolar disorder sucks, then you suck. Bipolar disorder is not cureable but treatable with meds.. People need to learn how to work things out, and if you know there bipolar and know what bipolar is. Then you know what you got your self in to,and should be all bla bla bla bla.
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replied November 14th, 2005
Re: Bipolar Boyfriend Acted So Crazy, Had to Leave Him, So S
my name is cassie and I have already found so many girls who have gone through what I have gone through and am still going through what upset me was your bash to yourself even if you are 60 pounds over weight don't down yourself. Bipolar people have no rational resoning for what they do they just act because that is what there mind is telling them to do even though the stuff they do is out of wack a bizzare that is there way of dealing with there emotins when thay are unmedicated. I unfortunetly by fortunetly (i no that makes no sense) I had a child with my bipolar boyfriend even though I will never regret my child I sometimes wish it was with someone who was more stable my life has been nothing but crazy mixed up turmoil with many loop de loops and flip flops. I am so dizy that I don't think my mind will never stop spinning trying to figure out and put reason to his random but traceable behavior I know this doesn't make sense but living with a bipolar person life never makes sense. I have tried to figure him out change habbits behaviors and ways but it still will never be different unless they seek help. If he continues to go unmedicated as the years progress it will only get worse and the more stress you add to there life it will only get worse. Bipolar people have a hard time dealing with there emotions there mind is constantly running even when manic or depressed and at times they will want to tell out everything and be your best friend to hating you being there mortal enemy. And no matter what I do to make my boyfriend leave he won't and the fact I have his son means I am to have to deal with this for the next 18 years of my life so sadly I must do what I have to do that will best benefit my son hopefully he isn't affected. Bipolar is a very hard thing to diagnois because it is often mistaken with many other dieseses so often times it isn't even medicated correctly the only person who really knows is you and the dr study his behavior write down his moods actions and different personalitys be percise and go to the dr yourself. I kept a journal of my bf's actions for two years already knowing he was bipolar since he was diagnoised since 12 I never fully understood the illness untill I went back and read my work and did my own research and his dr was amazed by journal that is the best advice I can give just talk to people and read and read and read. The more you know the better you are at somewhat understanding that is going on in there mind and even though there isn't much relief in that at least there is some
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replied November 26th, 2005
Re: God Good
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replied November 26th, 2005
Re: God Good
Dear bpjoe23
I don't think I have ever read anything so rude. You don't know me or my story so don't pretend like you know all of what is going on. People who don't have a mental illness often have a hard time grasping what bipolor is because it is a very difficult thing to understand. In the past two years almost three I have been beaten, battered, raped, hold against the wall by my throught at 4 months pregnent. My life and at the time the life of my unborn son's life threatened. With absolutley no resonable excuse why he did these things he can't tell me why he attacks me he says he just feels that he can because I am there!! My life is constantly plagued by the constant love hate vibe he brings into our relationship! I live in constant fear of him because I never know what kind of reaction will pop up next! That is no why to live my life or bring a chid up in that enviroment either. I finally got the nerve to put a protection of abuse order after he attacked me and was holding me down hitting me with a shoe while I held me 3 week old son at the time shaken crying and screaming praying for him to stop that he would harm the baby while my son lay innocently in my arms screaming! You say god good I say take a closer look obviously taking meds is what needs to be done but you can't force someone to take there meds I have tried every method! He feels he has no problem and that he can be cured by self medicating on drugs which leads him to lie cheat steal and have drug dealers calling my phone all hours of the night making threats, while I sit home alone at night with my child hoping he is safe and out of harms way not knowing when he will come home or even if he will make it home. Even when I got the pfa the threats didn't stop I was recieving phone calls and threats from friends saying that he was waiting! I was able to win my case I have my son for the next two years richard is only allowed to have supervised contact with that of the minor child and I am currently going through the process of parental rights and responsibilites. My child is young and innocent and deserves a chance at a full and happy life untainted by that of his unstable mentally and physically abusive father! It took me a long time to develop the courage because for a long time I thought everything was my fault and that I needed to work harder to make things work at one point in time before I was pregnent I worked a 40 hours week to give my paycheck to him to party away with while he sat at our friends home who we stayed with and selpt till 3 in the afternoon and when I came hoem I would prepare dinner and serve it to him I was his living servent this went on for about a year, but I was young and dumb and thought I was in love for he was my first kiss, boyfriend, sexual experience was with him. Then finally after all that and he began to physically abuse me and not just mentally abuse me and began cheating on me when I realized this isn't love for true love should not hurt. Then all to soon I found out I was pregnent when I left him he begged me to take him back because he wanted to be a "father" so for the duration of my pregnency life was perfect for he went back on his meds then he stopped and said that if I loved him that I will except him for who he is and learn to deal with it. So bpjoe for someone like yourself who has bp you have a hard time understanding us well just remember we have a hard time understanding you. So before you down us again for complaining just put this into consideration we are lost and looking for help to find answers and just some ears to listen for the ears we want to confide in we can't talk to because there thoughts aren't that of a normal person. We care and without the people like us who put up with it you bi polor people you would be sad and lonely. You expect us to educate ourselves on this illness and prepare ourselves like we are supposed to expect it!! Life is unexpected and even though you make the cure sound oh so simple in actualality it isn't that simple for people who aren't ready to accept the fact and probably wil never except the fact willingly accept that they are mentally ill and need to take a pill for it the rest of there life! I hope you read what I have written carefully and don't take offense but educate yourself on what we go through I hope you understand

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replied November 27th, 2005
Firstly, I would like to point out that I am bipolar, I never verbally abuse people, hit anyone, threaten anyone or lie or steal (though had told hte occasional white lie like everyone). If that is how you judge a bipolar person, then you are showing exactly what you know about the illness..... Nothing.
I dont expect anyone to go out and learn about the illness I have, I couldnt care less,,,,,, and I do not take medication. The reason I dont take medication is because its vert difficult to find the right medication, can sometimes take months, and also because there are bad side effects.
At the moment im trying to control my mood swings with psychotherpy, which helps me discover what triggers the ups and downs and how to deal with them
please dont put us all in the same boat as your ex boyfriend
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replied November 27th, 2005
Who Can Help
You don't get it either I know three other people who are bipolor one is type 2 and the other 2 are are type 1 they are all completly different but they all medicate in some way my ex bf is type one which means more mania less depression and his mania is more severe and violent! Everyone is different I not saying you are all the same which was my point duh! That is why I said you don't now my story or what I have been through. And don't tell me about finding the right medications because my ex was literally a lab rat since he was 6 especially when he was in the states care he has been on a total of 46 different meds some of which left him hospitalized I know medications can be tricky but at least you seek alterior solutions where my ex refuses to realize that he has any problem what so ever! I am at a loss even more afraid for my son for what if he is bipolor I need to be there for him and do what is best for him but I want his father there to set a good example and tell him that it is ok that to ask for help and to seek help doesn't mean you are week. I want rick to step up to the plate and stop acting like a baby and be a father! There is a young child involved and I will make it so if rick doesn't grow up and seek some help I will keep is son from him for I don't want my son exposed to his violent behavior and possibly be a victum like rick was with his father! I don't think that is wrong for I am protecting the life and welfare of my son! This has been nothing but an ongoing vicious cycle for almost 3 years and I am going out of my mind I am tired of having a million questions and no answers just excuses! I want someone who can talk to me like an adult and tell me possibly help me with my situation for I am out of ideas. I want to find someone who can help me talk to rick or something that is why I am here I am asking for help!! I want to better understand his moods and have a better understanding of why he is acting like this. Ok he is more violent you say well then what next what now why is he more violent? What can I do? His drugs only make it worse he is into hardcore illegal drugs that he fiends for which make him even more violent! So tell me how can I approach him without setting him off? How can I help him? Save him from potentially killing himself? He takes these incredible risks that you only see happening in movies. I don't want rick out of his son's life I want him there for his son to be a father and maybe one day be a family. I love rick and haven't given up on him completly because I am still trying to find ways to help him but I need help from someone else who knows what they are talking about and can give me some good guidelines. I want to be with rick but I don't want to live in fear of him. I don't need rude or incomplete write back I need someone to help me and tell me what I need to do or what I have to do before I give up all hope and take my son and run! So what I am asking is who can help!!

Desperately seeking answers
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replied November 27th, 2005
Its hard situation to be in. Its hard to know where to draw boundries, and hard to know what you can do to help. Maybe if you went to counselling together to help figure this out ?
The thing is, is that you cannot stop anyone from killing themselves, you cannot stop anyone from taking drugs. At the end of the day this is an individulas choice, and if they really want to end their own life, they will do it.
It sounds like hes pretty immature from what you are describing, and sometimes it takes a big shock to wake someone up into seeking help. It did with myself.... I reached my ultimate low before I realised how sick I was and decided to stay away from alcohol, and go to counselling (which ive only just started)
somtimes you need to leave aperson to their own devices, they have to learn the hard way,,but u can let him know that you will always be there for him, and love him, but you also need to lay down boundries, that if he wants to be around you and your child, he needs to act the adult.
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replied November 28th, 2005
Experienced User
His bipolar is a separate issue from his abuse of you. It is abuse you know.

You are an adult and a parent, you are responsible for a child. You want your son not to behave this way as an adult so the best way to accomplish this is to not be around rick. Your son is already genetically predisposed for bipolar, that's a given. Sometimes those genetic triggers can get "tripped", if you will, by the very environment in which you find yourself.

Stressed. Isolated. Anxious. Add on the fact that your boyfriend has assaulted you (choked you, raped you, kidnapped you [held against your will]) and he is a felon.

Sounds to me like you need a containment policy. Rick needs to contain himself--and if he can't you need to remove yourself physically from his presence. You know, next time it could be your child that is beaten, choked, etc.

Lest you think that simply observing these behaviours isn't harmful in and of itself, please take the time to read lundy bancroft's books on the subject of abusive men.

The bipolar is a separate medical issue. That is for rick and the mental health profession to deal with--in that order. You are dealing with a behavioural problem and you have a lot more power and control over this than you currently realize.

Find a battered woman's shelter if need be, borrow money from your family, move in with them, get all the societal support you can get and get as much education so you can provide for yourself and your son. Not easy. Not fun. But so worthwhile.

All children should consistently have safe homes to live in, boundaries, opportunities, support, encouragement, all the good stuff. It's a shame that rick can't provide any of this now, possibly ever. As long as you are there to cushion his falls and take his blows he has no reason whatsoever to seek help or change.

Please do all that you can to physically, emotionally and financially protect yourself and your son.
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Users who thank DSmith529 for this post: ginateresa 

replied November 29th, 2005
Thank-you So Much
I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart from the both of you and your words of wisdom and encourangment I fully plan to putting it to good use! I just never thought growing up that there where men out there like him and in all that I would end up with someone like him! I guess it is true what they say you can't help who you fall in love with! I just wish there was more I could do! I know he has the potential to be great what he lacks is the capicity to do so! You are absolulty right he knows that I will always soften his blows and take care of him because I don't want to see him dead or to that point I couldn't live with his blood on my hands! I do need to set up more boundries but everytime I do he is cool with them for a little while then he blows up and is off the wall! I want to tell him to leave my life and my home but I will always be there to listen and care for him and that when he wants to see his son he can because when he isn't manic he is an awesome father and is there for my son and thats when he would come visit. I would rather have rick around when he is stable then around when his moods are constantly up and down this way ricky won't grow up seeing how his father is and I could be with my son and have him potentially turn out to be a better person! My son is what I die over and cry over everynight before I sleep he is still so young and so innocent that if he is bipolor he won't understand and possibly rebel because of his uncertainies! I don't want him do be 5 and ask why him as I bring him to the dr's. Why do I have bipolor mommy? What is it? Why don't the other kids have it? Other kids are also cruel they make fun of other children who have to take meds or do councialing! What am I supposed to do when that comes? My son means the world to me he is the very reason I go on each day for when I wake up and peak into his crib and see his beautiful smiling face it gives me hope that eachday is worth it! Seeing this I don't want him to ever be hurt I want to help him and be there for him all the way! I want to prepare myself as much as possible now for this then be unprepared in the long-run! One thing I will not let any dr do and I refuse till my death that they treat him like a test subject ricky will not be there lab rat like his father! I don't need them messing with his mind I would rather take him to therepy and have him work it out. My baby is intelligent and doesn't need to follow in his father's footsteps! Ricky just turned 6 mons he can crawl, hold himself up, sit up by himself, say mama, dada, self feed, and already has 3 teeth! My son and his protection means the world to me and the first step is his father and the next is helping my son if he needs it! I just need someone there to help me through it to talk me through it! I need to know what I am doing is right because to rick everything I do is wrong and that everything is my fault and I am the one with the problem! Yet I don't resort to drugs and violence to fix my problem and when I am sick of someone trying to help me take of for days on end without calling and just show up like everything is cool like rick! He is almost 23 and have no responsibilites and no compassion for anyone else but himself! I really don't even think he cares for his son love him yes care for him no because he isn't there for him! I think he uses ricky as his excuse to keep coming back and to come home! Again I thank the both of you for your words and I am going to try this approach and hopefully stick to it and hopefully open his eyes to change!
If the is anything else more you can tell me I would really appreciate it I am willing to learn not only for myself but for the welfare of my slightly broken yet fixable family! That is all I ever wanted was to be a good mom and to have a family I know no family is perfect but I know it definetly shouldn't be like this!
Thank you with many feeelings of new hope!
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replied November 29th, 2005
Will He Ever Grow Up
I know I can't force him beg him persuade him or even bribe I have even tried the whole guilt trip! After the first time when I had him arrested I set up councialing at csi to try and work through our problems and he was all for it. I went to the office for our first meeting and where was rick no where to be found he took off to a friends house to do crack all night! I might as well take my blonde(where the dumbness in me comes from) hair and beat it off the wall! We are so oppiste I graduted from school with honnors had offers to go to some of the top schools in my area had a brand new car lots of friends a good job and in all a very happy life I was very accomplished I was a black belt in karate by 11 I was a barbie model and won beauty contest I was in cheering and on competition dance teams. I also was not a snob I loved everyboday and talked to everyone I was very outgoing. It has never mattered to me if you where fat skinny tall short black white orange or green everyone is there own person and there is good in all people if you just take the chance to find and when people see that your cool and open up to them they open up to you! That is what I have been trying to do with rick I have been trying to find the good and everytime I get close I seem to be completly wrong I think this is because I am in a reltionship with him! He knows everything about me my weakness my fears my hope dreams and desires somethings no one else will ever know and he uses it against me like he was jealous of my happiness and did everything he could do to ruin it! My friends where whores and being with them made me a [tramp]. All of my activites I was made to give up because he made me feel like I was a loser at them or something he has never been there for me in any positive ways when all I have done was be there for him. I know now that is what he wanted was full and completle control of my life. I can't believe I was so stupid so dumb and having his child makes it worse he tells me I am his and no one elses and no one else will want me because I have a baby and am a loser, or if I ever did go with anyone else he would kill me and the guy that I am with! What did I do so wrong in my life to deserve this? What can I do to change it? I want to go back to school and further my eduction and just the comments he makes he is so unsupportive and rude I have visions of attacking him and beating him senseless but I know I can't. He would hurt me far worse then I could ever hurt him. Your right he is very immature and hope of him ever becoming anything better anything different is pretty slim! But like stupid me I will still hold on hoping that he will only I will be wiser and not let him use me and take advantage of me like he has in the past! I am glad I have found this site and people to talk to! You all have really made a difference with my situation and again I express my graditude.

Forever gratefull
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replied November 30th, 2005
Experienced User
Take a Deep Breath
Then let your fingers do the walking. There is help out there, you may have to get creative to find it.

The library is everyone's best friend and my first place to start. Lundy bancroft's books are very good and have excellent resource guides in the appendices.

Journaling is very effective free therapy until you can start with someone.

Don't become more isolated. There have to be other moms in the area, start networking. You want your son to eventually have friends his own age and support from the community.

This is just me, but I would recommend finding a job post-haste. The courts would look favourably on this. Journal all attempts to get one too. Nothing like documentation.

Regarding rick's diagnoses, they are his issues to deal with. Work on your containment policy (would the landlord change the locks? Are you on the lease/rental agreement?) and your escape plan.

Do not let him know what you are planning. Protect yourself and your child. Just like the ads say, "just do it!" whatever "it" is.

Good luck. The internet has a wealth of resources and people.

Oh, and I would recommend you find lynne namka's website and read "the drama triangle, updated". It certainly has helped me get off the merry-go-round ride from h#ll. Which is good for me and our children.
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replied December 3rd, 2005
Getting Better
My landlord has already changed the locks because he did have at one time have keys to my home and they just installed a new dead bolts. I live in a housing complex so it is pretty secure plus the fact when I got the pfa (protection from abuse) the police alerted that the building manager rick wasn't allowed on the premisis which made him even more mad because his father lives on the grounds as well! (oh well :)~) they also cut me some woden planks to place in my windows so no one can get in unless you deliberetly break the window! See my original pfa I went to get didn't include my son because I have never filled out a pfa before and didn't now what to include I had a jude sit down and talk to me and she made it so that rick couldn't even talk to me directly or indirectly or even so much as peak at his son until our court date! His just made him want to kill me even more! So I recently realized you can't be given a court appointed attoreny as a defendant in a civil matter case which is what this was so he was even more mad because I had two lawyers plus the state on my side plus caring unlimited this just made him even more furious becuse even though we couldn't so much as get a glimpse of each other his cousin and my brother are dating so she would run back and tell him everything! So he tried getting lawyers and representation and when he was refused the day before the court date he filed for a continueance and was given on the grounds he still didn't have a lawyer so another month of bliss followed when he tried to get another continueance and was denied that is when he tried getting a hold of me even worse then before because he made countless attemps but I wouldn't answer. Finally won night I was in a deepn sleep when the phone rang and I answered it still thinking I was asleep dreaming when I heard his voice I hung up the phone to only have him call right back crying and pleading just to talk to him feeling the sunken heart and wavey belly feeling I picked up the phone and talked to him! It isn't his fault he has bipolor what is his fault is that he does nothing to make it better! He did and said everything he could for me not to nail his ass to the wall in court I had him in a bind. All of the things I knew about him and all the new things I found out about him I was going to have it so that he would have to spend up to a year in jail be on probation for the next 2 years where he would be given mandatory drugs tests each time and made to take his meds and to councialing and in that time have no contact with a child under the age 18 unless properly accomanied by a licensed adult and if he wanted visitation with ricky he would have to do supervised visitaion with a phyciatrist and given my sons age it would only be for an hour 1 day a week! Oh yeah I had everything in place and it order but thinking about it I really didn't want to go through with it because even though he has hurt me in more ways then 1 I couldn't hurt him like that. I didn't want use my son against him that wasn't right so that night when we talked I told him I wouldn't screw him over but I would make it so that he couldn't just up and take off with ricky either. Rick hasn't and still hasn't proved to me that he has proper parenting skills which makes me uneasy that is why I just can't give him over. Rick is incompitant I don't care if he is the father or not he hasn't still to this day done anything or given anything to his son that he preached about taking so bad! So when we went to court we open lines of all communication the only thing that really changed is that rick has supervised vistion which means he can come to my home with proper notification and visit with ricky for the day under my watchfull eye and then leave! It will be this way until sept 2007 or until I have his parentl rights and responsebilites revoked and give him only permante supervised visation rights until ricky is of age to have a leagal voice which is 14 yrs old and decide if he wants to go the day with his father on his own! Rick is at my home everyday all day it is almost like he lives there now and that is what is becoming stressfull because even though we aren't together he is still all about controling me and my life I can't stand that! That is why I keep asking for advice because I want to try and make things work if he is going to be a permanet fixture I don't want to fight with him one minute to love him the next because my son has to see and go through that! Not to mention ricks violent spurts! I kind of want him to stay around because when ricky does come of age I want him top see what his father is for good or worse and be able to make the right choices where his father has made so many wrong ones but at the same time I want to keep him safe that is was I am so conflicted and confused

head spinning
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replied January 23rd, 2009
I am in the EXACT boat..
It feels good to know that im not the only one with this problem. I am 17 years old and have been dealing with my bipolar boyfriend for three years now, and i feel like ive hit rock bottom. its so draining. he accusing me of cheating on him everyday, goes on my facebook and looks up messaes i sent guys over two years ago asking what did u say to him?? he basically harasses me about it...and the funny thing is he is the one who has cheated on me six times! Im honestly scared to leave him because he lives a couple doors down from me and im scared he will stalk me. Last night he came to my house and like 1 am and refused to leave. i didnt even know what to do, then he started bawling uncontrollablly and woke up my whole family! he is CRAZY and i cant deal with it anymore!
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replied February 6th, 2009
man..have i got a story!
i'm also bipolar.diagnosed over 20 years ago and still bipolaring very strong.i've been on the correct(for me)meds for all this time.i've never drown kids in the bathtub,murdered or eaten anyone..well..okay..1 person but she was small and not very fattening..anyway,because i'm unemployed due to the sleep disorder(insomnia)which often times accompanies bipolar( ie,bipolarity),i more then frequently am harassed by neighbors and cops as in apartment complexes,i always have nosy neighbors going to the managers office asking questions about me.i'm a night person and sleep days and it doesn't take long for people far and wide to figure out that i don't work days but am up all most of my neighbors ,while they'll smile as i pass by, absolutely will not involve themselves in conversation with me.i've even had neighbors call the police on me when i'm simply walking my dog in the middle of the night.i've been stopped twice by the police and my car searched since i've lived in this complex.both times i was on my way out of the complex driving to the walmart down the time i was on my way to get groceries,the next time was a couple months ago.i was finishing up christmas shopping at the walmart.pulled out of my driveway at 4:30am and immeditaely pretty lights were flashing behind me(not christmas lights)/.i've been harassed in this manner in every apartment complex i've ever lived in because i'm unemployed due to being bipolar.i talk to other people who are bipolar and they tell me that they never get harassed like that. unfortunately,apartment managers will openly talk to residents about other residents when asked about them.they're not supposed to but they do.i can go to my complex office and ask about my neighbor next door regarding his occupation and i guarantee you that she'll tell me. according to the lease they're not supposed to but they will/.i'm 54 years old and you'd think people would have more sense than to harass me over the fact that i don't work.if i was younger i might understand it,except like i said,i've been going through this kind of treatment since the very week that i began to collect social security disability in 1981.i've been snickered at listened to crude comments regarding how i'm stealing money from everybody's pockets because i don't work and i'm on disability and that because i have two arms and two legs i can do something!!"" even if it's just digging ditches!!""

society is so much against welfare and government assisted programs that putting down the disabled is okay if they appear to be physically healthy and stable.society uses the two arms and two legs thing to determine whether anyone can work or not.most of society don't believe in total disability unless you're totally armless and legless or dead or a vegetable.and those are three kinds of people i would hate to see beside me at the work table.yikes.

my problem is totally different than anything described here.while alot of fe,ales seem to have manic depressive boyfriends running amok,,i can't get a woman to become interested in me due to the fact i'm not employable.i'm opposite of the kind of bipolar extremes mentioned here.i'm calm,understanding,patient,kind,not argumenative(i think that's the word),and i always can easily put myself in another's shoes in order to come to a quick understanding of an issue that's presented,or just to steal their shoes./(did i mention my sense of humor?)

i'm not macho or cocky even one percent.
also i'm a romantic person and best of all i'm straight..and to top it all off i easily pass for being in my mid 30's..i hate telling people my real age in fact.

why do women not want to date me??

1. i'm forever unemployed(so to heck with all the rest i mentioned about myself,right?)

2.(i'm attracted to younger women,late 20's to late 30's, cause i've always hung out with a younger crowd)when i mention my age it destroys whatever attraction toward me that they had initially.

those two things basically.

money and age in this country mean more to women than anything./

when a woman tells me that she needs to find a man who's gainfully employed to enable her kids to have medical insurance and new clothes and yada yada yada,i understand it all but it still doesn't change the tune from money being above all else,including love.

and many of the women who've been attracted to me are kidless,but still for the 2 reasons above wind up zilching me/.

which is worse? a an extreme bipolar guy that goes mentally amok now and then (or alot) or a bipolar guy who has all the charactersistics of a nice,down to earth ,caring ,compassionate ..but is older than he looks and unemployed.
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replied September 24th, 2009
I think I can relate to your boyfriend if that helps. I had a girlfriend who I adored and when I was feeling good about the world it was perfect between me and her. we got along so well and finally i felt like someone cared for me. For some reason i couldn't deal with that though. and sometimes I showed up at her house a different person almost. with a lot on my mind and i was nerves, she would internalize it and I would feel even worse. I never physically hurt her and would never but sometimes I felt that I was putting off a terrible vibe. I have been through therapy and tried different medications so that I could be what she needed but i haven't fixed my problem hell my dad is even a psychologist. i just want her to feel safe around me. BUt there is like another side to me that can take over and pump adrenaline and energy through me, that is the best way to describe it i think. I want to believe so bad that i am treating her good that I start to look for ways/excuses in order to cope with my issue like pretending she is evil. I can become obsessive and i distort what she is saying to me. I feel like she uses me and that it is her fault but when I am calm i realize thats not true.
But these are all ways to cope with the fact that I care about her so much that I have to remove myself from her because I am scared I will do something I will regret like hurt her physically. I wish I didn't have the problem and I wish that she will forgive me for scarring her. And I hope she knows i love her but I am dealing with a complex from my past right now. I just want her to be safe. Wow I wish that she could read that but ironically she said not to contact her again. Im scared that she needs my good side really bad in her life.
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replied September 26th, 2009
Experienced User
I am sorry for what you are going thru. I understand it very very well. Just escaped from just such a situation myself.

I didn't know what bi-polar was 10 months ago... boy oh boy do I know now!

He refused to get treatment. He just ran further and further out of control..and wilder and wilder daily.

It was finally a choice between my own mental health and the relationship!

Without continued meds.... avoid this person. You will only be pulled further and further down.
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replied September 26th, 2009
Have you told her how you feel? Have you told her that you're trying to get help and that you're scared of hurting her? That you still love her? If not, I think it's important that you let her know.

Coming from the other end, where your girlfriend (or ex) stands, I know how confusing the situation can be. I've been pushed away so far that at one point, I also asked my ex to stop contacting me. Not because I didn't love him anymore, not because I didn't want to hear from him, but because I needed to take care of myself.

I wanted to be there so badly for him but he continued to push me away. I believe that if he were to communicate to me why he pushed me away instead of just doing it, I would feel differently about the situation. Not that the pushing away wouldn't still suck, but at least I'd know why he was doing it.

Currently, we're talking just a little bit but I'm still dealing with him pushing me away.

If any relationship is going to work, communication is a must.
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replied October 21st, 2009
Hopeless any more
I have been reading posts on bipolarism for months now. This is because my boyfriend of almost 9 years is an undiagnosed bipolar. He has all the symptoms plus more. All the posts make me feel soooo much better because i no know that its not me its totally him!! We have three small children together. Ages 7 months, 3 yrs., and 5yrs. He says he wants 2 more children but he will not commit to us. He is constantly in and out of our lives. Sometimes he will come and help out with the kids for days, even weeks at a time,and i appreciate the help cause the kids love him and hes good with helping out. But at the same time, he is very messy, messier than the kids at that, he eats up all the food,and drinks the kids juice right from th carton! I try to tolerate it because i know he has a problem. Even with me being so nice to him, he always finds something old from the past and then curses me out for about 45 minutes straight, telling me i slept with his friends(which i never would do) how i should be greatfull to be with him and on andon and on. Then, he starts texting other girls on his phone right in front of my face!! He does not care! Then he tells me he wasted days or weeks being here with me. Then he packs up all his clothes and leaves out. My 3 year old does not want him to go and he cries and says" I dont want daddy to go !" But he just keeps stepping.I even start crying for the kids. He still accuses me and insults me on top of the crying episodes. The whole household is then upset and distraught. Then after he leaves he calls and tells me he loves me and i better not have anyone else around. He then tells me hes coming back, but never shows. Then continuously calls for days on end talking that i love you and miss you stuff. And then the whole thing starts all over again!!Its a roller coster. I love so very much, but very confused and dont know where to turn. I usually talk to God about it, then i read these posts which helps me out tad bit. I am 27 he is 28, will he ever change or get help for his bipolar?
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replied December 3rd, 2009
Oh What A Battle It Is....Especially If You Love Them
OMG....Leading Lady (Shanti1)

Were we dating the same person? Everything sounds so familiar to me...from the accusations of cheating down to the ones of YOU being the alcoholic. I believe who I dated was Bipolar at the highest level. I went thru so much to be with him...even things I cant believe my heart endured. It take real patience dealing with these people. I felt that I must have such low self-esteem dealing in relationships with such lows. Im embarassed by this but... I still love him.

To explain...when we first met, I thought his behavior was fairly strange (excessive behavior such as: high mobility, excessive cleaning of things that were already cleaned, constant peeping thru peep holes & windows, random displays anger for my needing to sleep eventually following work - when I worked 3rd shift/and he didnt work at all). It took a while before I found he was not only Bipolar but self medicating with street drugs (Like weed, Xstacy &/or cocaine). He stopped everyting but the weed but Ive never done drugs of any kind. I had just gotten over the flu. I went to his home one night and we had a couple of drinks. Because I hadnt yet regained my full appetite...the liqior knocked me out cold. When I woke up my face was severely swollen & bruised. I couldnt understand what happened cause I hadnt left the couch. he eventally came around to admitting that he was angry because I had fallen asleep when wanted more of my time.

This was the worst of many awful senerios but I've falsely dated his cousin and any guy that comes in my contact. Im an alcoholic...when he was but he's done street drugs, and Ive even stolen from his home items of which he later found...but has never apologized. Life with this guy was Hell....but at the same time at normal levels...the best relationship Ive ever had. Confusion comes with the they are never apologetic or wrong for the aweful things that they do...not to mention their words.

I know my situation was/is not like every. But he recently was arrested on an alleged DUI...& I polled in his mother because I wasnt investing any additional money in someone refusing help. So...for the first time I spoke with her & she said candidly that "If any woman was smart...they'de have nothing to doing with him. Or otherwise...their parents would be identifing THEM from a body bag." Her words were haunting...and still stick with me today.

I was nuts enough to stay...blaiming his illness for the situation
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