Medical Questions > Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum

My Husband Refuses to Bathe. Help!! (Page 1)

Please help me. I don't know what to do. My husband hardly ever takes showers! About 2 to maybe 5 a month. I know this sounds mean, but he always smells terrible. He's always been this way, and over time (7 years), i've just learned to deal with it. He's so sweet and loving and great in every other way, and I love him so much. But, here's the thing: now i'm pregnant and always nauseous. Almost every smell makes it worse. Especially his. Whenever he tries to kiss or hug me or something, I feel like i'm going to throw up and have to hold my breath. I hate having to do that. He can definately tell ''something's up'', but I can't bring myself to tell him that he smells bad. This time I think it's been about a week and a half since the last time he's bathed. Plus, our air conditioner has been broken for about that long, and he's been sweating a lot. I absolutely cannot be intimate with him!
Tonight the smell was so unbearable that I asked him if I could cut his hair, so he would want to take a shower (to wash the hair off). But he just wiped off the hair with a wet washcloth and got in bed. I told him that there was probably some hair still on him and that he would be itchy all night, so it would be good to take a shower, so he did. But, on top of all this, he has stopped wearing deodorant (hasn't worn it in a few months). I don't know why. He has some, but won't put it on. So I only get relief for like the first few hours after he's had a shower. I don't mean to sound selfish. But I really need help. What is a nice way to talk to him about this? I don't want to hurt his feelings. I've tried saying ''come take a shower with me'' and that works, but I don't want to have to do that forever! I shouldn't have to ''make'' him do it. I don't think. Any advice would be so greatly appreciated!
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper winky2
|
Users who thank AMOMc for this post: suzn 

replied June 15th, 2005
Experienced User
So have u tryed asking or telling him in a nice way. If u have then maybe u need to let him know that ur serious about it and that u really need him to be more clean and bath more often... :wink:
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 20th, 2005
Experienced User
If you can not think of a way to tell him straight from you tell him in a way that puts it towards the baby like, honey you know that when the baby comes you will need to bathe frequently because babies amune (sp) systems are not as strong as ours and you will be carrying around millions of germs if you dont take a bath! Just an idea!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 20th, 2005
Experienced User
Just sit him down one night and tell him. He has to know how you feel about this. Cphilyaw used a good example to use in your talk. But make sure he understands that it is having a detrimental effect on your relationship, especially sexually.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 30th, 2005
Honest Relationships
You should be able to talk about poo, pee, b.O., boogers, anything in a real honest relationship, no biggie, you're both adults afterall...
This is just fundamental hygiene stuff, you can't get close to someone who stinks, I think he's being passive aggressive if you've asked him politely and he refuses to bathe, but if you've not asked him outright, the fault is your own.

If I were first trimester preggy, i'd wake up, really nauseous, ask if he was going to bathe, then if he said no, smell his arm pit and then vomit right then and there (just kidding). Look if he doesn't care that he makes you physically yark, he just doesn't really care about you...You have a right not to be made ill by anyone including him, stay your distance until he gets the picture!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 29th, 2017
Husband Refuses to bathe, shower or even wash up.
I have straight up told him he smells, and that he needs to take a bath, shower or at least wash up, he won't even wash his hands.he has not done so in 3 months. He just laughs me off and says he working on it. The smell is so bad that I am about to be ill when near him. My kids and grandkids won't even come to the house anymore. If I want to see them I have to go to them. HELP
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 1st, 2005
Solution
Why not encourage him to bathe with you?I mean you two can bathe at the same time,maybe he will accept.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 1st, 2005
If he really loves you then he shouldnt mind,im sorry to say only having a bath 5 times in a month must be awful for you and I dont know how he can put up with sitting around without having a bath at least everyother day.

Specially with you being pregnant and feeling ill with it that is pardon the pun...Selfish.Be honest with him about it,i know I couldnt bare sitting with someone who smelled and sweats all the time.

If all else fails...Get the hose on him ;)
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 1st, 2005
I wonder how can you live together with such a man for so many years? You certainly deserve a prize for that.
No doubt you husband isn't going to change..The only way out is to change yourself..U stop bathing..Too and try hard to smell worse than him..Maybe then he'll be able to understand his situation. I may sound funny..But believe me its the only solution for people like your husband.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 1st, 2005
Experienced User
I have a hard time understanding why it is that you can't come right out and tell him what you think. Obviously. You wouldn't complain to him about something that he couln't easily change because you wouldn't want to hurt his feelings but bathing is not a difficult thing to do. Was he raised in a home where people didn't bathe enough? I am just wondering if it is a learned behavior, he just doesn't care, or doesn't think that he smells bad, what do you think it is? My stepson has asperger syndrome and he would go for days without bathing if we let him. He is 17 and we needed to make it a rule that he needed a shower every 48 hours. He just didn't think that he smelled. I don't think that you should beat around the bush. Just come out and tell him how you feel. It might hurt his feelings at first but how do you think he will feel if he finds out that he smells so bad that it makes you sick and you didn't tell him? Just tell him the truth as gently as you can. Good luck
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 29th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
Im sorry but id yell at him to take a damn shower or he could sleep on the couch. Thats ridiculous, hes not 5 he should be able to take a shower. Tell him he is going to set a bad example for your child and that he needs to get in the shower. If he is as sweet as you say he is and you tell him that he makes you want to vomit I think it will be ok.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 5th, 2005
Praise him every time he is "clean", show him your love. It is the best way to train.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 5th, 2005
Experienced User
Awwe! Yeah ..Sit him down and explain the importance of good hygiene.. Let him know that you love him.. But he stinks!! .. No no.. Bring it up casually.. As not to embarrase him .. But to let him know that his odor is not pleasent..

If that doesn't work.. Tie him up while he's sleeping and throw him in the shower.. Eventually he should get the hint.. Lol
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 6th, 2005
Experienced User
Sometimes my husband does that and I just tell him he smells he needs to shower lol I dont want a stinky man if he gets hurt then maybe he will shower more often on his own
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 4th, 2005
My Husband Hardly Showers Too!
It's very frustrating. See i've told my husband numerous times to take a shower and i've been sweet about it. But he of course turns it around on me like i'm nagging him. He says it pisses him off when he's just walked in the door from work and that's the first thing I say. Whatever! He works in a hot environment with no a/c and hardly showers. Maybe twice a week. How difficult is it to get in the shower!!!!! I don't get it. But i'm at a loss because i'm obsessing about it and I don't want to bring it up anymore because I don't want a fight and I don't want his defensive behavior. So I don't know what to do......Help :cry:
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 24th, 2012
My husband wont wash.
My husband is exactly the same, I tried doing all the gentle things suggested but it has come to him digging his heels in if I mention it, says Im just trying to be a control freak and we now sleep in seperate rooms as I cant be intimate with him or even sleep in the same bed as him when he is smelly. He just doesnt seem to get it that you sweat if you are active and that turns to b.o. He says Im abnormal and over sensitive, and its not normal to wash more than once a week let alone shower!! He deliberately doesnt wash if I mention it. Dont know what to do.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank Hopelessnow for this post: suzn 

replied September 6th, 2005
Not Married But Have Met a Stinkie Poo
I've met this guy who is so sweet and nice and shows a lot of interest in me, but he has bad hygiene including not bathing and brushing his teeth, and he needs a professional dental cleaning too!

It's an absolute deal breaker and I am preparing for the day I am going to have to confront it.

I have wondered if he is depressed to be so negligent like this. Or was he ignored as a kid and allowed to stink his way through school? I don't get it. And believe me, I like fresh sweat on a man. I am not unreasonable. I just don't like that stale old stinky smell.

I don't even want to know that he's not cleaning his private parts regularly.

I hope there is at least one person on this forum who has found that an upfront talk produced positive results!

Thank you
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 7th, 2005
Bathing
Let me tell you, a direct confrontation/discussion doesn't work for me. I've had to ignore it as best I can and hope he'll shower more. Trust me guys don't want to be told they are "gross" it's emasculating! So you aren't married so you can find someone else who bathes!! I on the other hand just have to hope things will change. I will sit him down one day and sweetly ask him why and could he do it more for me and himself. I don't get it.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 29th, 2011
barber with bad hygiene in broward, fl.
wow! i'm in a situation of such too with a jamaican guy was very nice in the beginning while dating. but now after staying with him every night for a month i see alot of things i couldn't have noticed before. he's just plain ole nasty dirty. hygiene is so off. his feet is grossed. black and brown crust. popcorn smelling. i've told him upfront in love. i even soaked his feet and did a home pedicure. he got angry and defensive and told me if i don't like his stinky feet then i know what to do. his hair is stinky too. he wont even wash his hair just spray pump it up spritz on it. he poops all day everyday. at some point don't a man need to soap up and wash their anal area. this morning he put on dirty socks on top of his dirty smelling feet. then he sprayed alot of cologne on. wow! and put on his sunglasses and walked proudly out the door. help! and the times i talk to him he get really angry. i purchased foot powder for him and body wash. he still get defensive. how can someone not know better at the age of 39? only spend 2 seconds brushing his teeth. teeth are buttery yellow and placque all in between and white film on his tongue but his daily argument with me is that i'm not affectionate and push him off when he hugs or kiss me. then he try to manipulate my mind by telling me if its real love it shouldn't matter. this dude is a barber. don't he realize that if he cut hair he needs to shower daily? he doesn't even use a cape to cut hair. my talks in love and nothing else works so i'm just leaving him alone and never looking back. so disgusting!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 13th, 2012
Hi. I know that this is an old post but I hope that you are doing well and did leave Jamaican dude alone. I ended up here because I have this problem with my husband. While I read your comment, I laughed so hard that I was literally crying! I remember Pump It Up spritz, lol! Oh my, I'm still tickled. I hope you're not affended but I had to tell you how hard you made me laugh. Take care and God bless.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 29th, 2011
barber with bad hygiene in broward, fl.
wow! i'm in a situation of such too with a jamaican guy was very nice in the beginning while dating. but now after staying with him every night for a month i see alot of things i couldn't have noticed before. he's just plain ole nasty dirty. hygiene is so off. his feet is grossed. black and brown crust. popcorn smelling. i've told him upfront in love. i even soaked his feet and did a home pedicure. he got angry and defensive and told me if i don't like his stinky feet then i know what to do. his hair is stinky too. he wont even wash his hair just spray pump it up spritz on it. he poops all day everyday. at some point don't a man need to soap up and wash their anal area. this morning he put on dirty socks on top of his dirty smelling feet. then he sprayed alot of cologne on. wow! and put on his sunglasses and walked proudly out the door. help! and the times i talk to him he get really angry. i purchased foot powder for him and body wash. he still get defensive. how can someone not know better at the age of 39? only spend 2 seconds brushing his teeth. teeth are buttery yellow and placque all in between and white film on his tongue but his daily argument with me is that i'm not affectionate and push him off when he hugs or kiss me. then he try to manipulate my mind by telling me if its real love it shouldn't matter. this dude is a barber. don't he realize that if he cut hair he needs to shower daily? he doesn't even use a cape to cut hair. my talks in love and nothing else works so i'm just leaving him alone and never looking back. so disgusting!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied October 14th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
Gross! What the hell is wrong with these stinky guys! I cant understand whay someone would not want to bathe!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 10th, 2006
Experienced User
Thank you lilypad! I don't get it. Something is wrong with any person who does not want to bathe. At the same time you guys have been putting up with it for this long, why would they think they have to change now. I'm not married, but my boyfriend showers everyday. Mind you he's a man, so when he comes home at the end of the day, and he smells from whatever he was doing, I just tell him - umm baby, please go take a shower before you get in the bed. It's not hard, nor is it mean if they really stink. Just tell him. Especially if it makes you sick - that's gross.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied January 10th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
Gee I would just have to be blunt with my man on this one. Just say, honey! You must take a shower you stink!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied January 24th, 2006
Especially eHealthy
Girls,i know! My man does construction for a living and he does not come home smelling too pretty either,but I do not have to ask him to get in the shower,he does it by himself and when he doesn't get in some time after he gets home,i say "baby,you stinky,get your butt in the shower!"
|
Did you find this post helpful?