I’m 19 years old and my boyfriend is turning 20 next week. We have been together for 3 years and 3 months. I love him with all that I am and he is also my first love. We have different backgrounds, in both religious and cultural. I am from east africa and he is from pakistan. We are different sect of muslims.

In the beginning, my parents disapproved of our relationship and during that time, fahad was great with me. He was perfect in every sense. A year or so into it, as my parents gradually got used to him being in my life, fahad changed. To some extent, he started taking me for granted but other factors that contributed to this was the way he loses his temper all the time over nothing, his impatience and his stubbornness, as well as his pride. He believes that since he is a male, he is of the stronger sex…

when he calls me, it’s when he wants to call me…and it’s at a certain time. If I call him a few minutes before or after the designated time, he flips out on me. He times our conversations and makes sure that they don’t exceed 5 minutes…can be shorter than but not longer. If I ask him to talk to me for a couple of minutes longer, he will literally count out those 2 minutes and they will be exempted from our next conversation the next day.

We meet 1-2 times a week…it cannot be more than 2. Every time I ask him to see me more, he tells me, in no uncertain terms, that he has better things to do than see me all the time. Again, what time he shows up is all upon him, there are times that i’ve had to wait 5 minutes for him, and there are times that i’ve waited close to 4 hours for him to make his appearance. But yet, if i’m even 30 minutes later, he will have a cow over it.

He always tells me how much i’m holding him back and what not and that I don’t support him enough…if he decides to do something and that doesn’t work out, he will lay the blame on me. Any problems in our relationships are all ‘my’ fault – I shouldn’t have said that, I ruined the day, I shouldn’t have mentioned this, I shouldn’t have done that – it’s amazing how he can do that…even when I know that it’s not my fault, somehow he will turn everything around in such a way, that I actually start believing him. If he gets mad, it’s because I did so and so or I said so and so…

fahad hasn’t been working or going to school the past 2 years, and I have been doing both. All he does is stay home and play his computer game – warcraft to be exact. During many instances, he’s chosen his computer game over meeting me, or talking to me on the phone.

Last week, I lost my grandpa and even when fahad knew that I needed him, he still wouldn’t pick up my calls until it was convenient for him. On the day of my grandpa’s funeral, he called me a !**@! and got mad at me over something so stupid…i begged him to wait until another day to get mad and that I had just buried someone I loved deeply…but he said that he didn’t give a crap about who I had buried and the only way I would learn my lesson is by what he was dishing out. Somehow, he has taken it upon himself to ‘straighten’ me out…says i’m spoilt and selfish…

yesterday, he broke up with me…but before he did that, he somehow didn’t get his way and he bit himself…when I tried to intervene, he bit me too and even today, I have the marks of his teeth on the back of my hand…he didn’t apologize even though I was crying so I don’t even know if he realized…as for the breaking up, i’ve tried leaving him but some how I always get drawn back into this…i don’t know why it’s not easy for me…i love him so much…i want to be able to resist calling him and stuff…
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replied May 17th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
He is not worth your time! Move on! He was not there when you needed him! He has hurt you soooo bad. He has noooo respect for you and he will not change. Why waste your time on him?
Good luck!
Sincerely,
sandy
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replied May 23rd, 2005
Hi
Today is his bday...I decided to see him merely because I had spent a fortune on his gift and I wanted to give it to him - I couldnt return it because his name was engraved on it - we had lunch and a movie...It seemed to be going great until later on down the road. A mutual friend of ours that he doesnt like called me up. Fahad flipped! He called this friend up and gave him heck for it...Warned him to stay away from him and wut not...When I tried to get fahad to simmer down and hang up, he slapped me...Never saw that coming...

I wish there was a way to make this work...Even his friends dont understand where he is coming from...I know...I should break up with him...Hopefully ppl out there have some solutions besides that?
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replied June 14th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
When a man hits you no matter what you should get out. You cannot change someone and you are still only dating. I understand that you have a lot of time invested into the relationship and that it's hard to walk away from your first love but you have to get out as soon as you can. Dont become anymore commited. The sooner you leave the easier it will be. Make a list of whats positive about him and whats negative. I think you know which list will be longer. Be strong. No man is better then you and you deserve a lot better.
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replied June 14th, 2005
Vanessalouanne is absolutely right.
No matter how much time you have invested, a relationship is about equality and love not about dominance and abuse.
It may have started with a bite and a slap but pretty soon it would get worse. A black eye or a broken bone.
Then...One day he may go too far and everyone will be left missing you. Buring another member of the family they loved deeply...You.
I know its gotta be hard, but you need to love yourself, your life, more than you love him.
Dont let everybody one day say "i never knew he could do this" as they overlook your casket.
I dont mean to be overdramatic, but I really hope you make the right choice.
Good luck & god bless =)
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