Hi, I was wondering if someone could help me who's been through this before. A few years ago, I stopped eating for about six months, and then when I started eating again, I started to "get rid of" the food too. I've been bulimic for about 2 years now, and recently it's gotten really bad. At first, I did it because of extreme stress I have, and to numb any emotions I have because I don't like it when people know what I am feeling. But now I can't stop. I've been "getting rid of" anything I eat almost every day for about 7 months now. I have friends that know, and i'm going 2 a psychologist because my parents know, but I still don't really have anyone who's actually been through it. My friends think i've lost weight, but I don't see it. My throat burns and I get dizzy all the time now. I had to go to the nurse and leave school early yesterday because I almost passed out when I was running in gym, which is weird because i'm an athlete. I dance, do gymnastics, and do track so i'm also really scared that if I talk to my doctor she'll make me stop one of them :( I feel like my whole life is falling apart from this. Please help me?
~ andie candie
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replied April 19th, 2005
Experienced User
Hey
Hey andiecandie how are you? I am almost in the same position you are- I have been anorexic and now I am borderline bulimic. The only good thing that you are doing and I am not is seeing a psychologist so I congratulate you on that! I know thatv right now you feel so miserably alone as if its just you and this thing literally eating you away. But you are never alone, sorry you haven't met anyone with this disorder well you just have. Even though right now you may be completely devastated and distressed and closed to everything anyone has to say on day things will get better. One day you will stop suffering from this and you will move on with your life. All of us have the potential to do this. Please believe this. You have already showed tremonsous strength by goint to a psycholgist- this is a great first step. Also you mentioned that you still don't see your self as losing weight- this probably means you are still struggling with the eating disorder so keep working with your counselor. ( ha ha if only I could take my own advice) also remember becoming thin is not the solution to an eating disorder, the solution is to think and act around food differently, to love youself the way you are not thin not fat just right. Being thin isn't everything, I know you feel it is and I do too as of now but someday we will realize that people do not judge us on how thin we are. People who really care about us will love us because of the person we are on the inside. Think about who you look up to, who you love respect and admire? Do you like this person because they weigh say 90lbs? Likely you love them because they have other qualities that shine.
Well that's all for now. Keep me posted on how you are doing. Keep coming to the forums, I see you are a new user, this is a great place to talk, get help read stories and opinions or just vent. Take care.
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replied April 19th, 2005
Thanks For the Advice :)
Thanks for the post :) it really helped a lot. For me though, it's never been about the weight because I know i'm not even close to overweight, but I just don't see a weight loss. It's always been about the stress until it turned into like an addiction and I have to do it every day or I feel awful. But it's starting to hurt other things in my life. My psychologist won't let me go to track or dance until I go to my doctor, which is awful for me because they are probably some of the best parts of my life. They clear my head, and sometimes I even forget about wanting to get rid of anything in my stomach while i'm at track, dance, or gymnastics. For me, it's mostly been bulimia, with anorexia on and off. When I was in school and my teacher was talking about the terry shivo incident, I got really scared because I don't ever want to end up like that. But it's sooooo hard to stop :( post again soon!
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replied April 19th, 2005
Experienced User
Hi Again, How Are You
Hi andiecandie, i'm pretty free today with no hw. So I decided to post again. Have you talked with your psychologist about how dance and track are the important to you and make you feel happy. Have you mentioned they help with your thoughts about food? After all your psychologist wants what is best for you and if this is what helps you she will probably cooperate with you.
Like I mentioned an eating disorder can be frustrating and exhausting- emotionally mentally physically. Yeah I got really scared about the terry schiavo case too. They said she went into cardiac arrest after making herslef throw up. I'm glad you don't think you are overweight, that's a load off your shoulders. For me, I use my ed's to get back at my parents who are too overprotective, I feel food is the only thing I have control over and I also use it to lose weight as I see myself as fat. I'm 5'2 and 80 lbs. I have been gaining a little because of bulimia I guess and I feel kinda lost. Like you mentioned, its probably the stress that causes this stuff.
Well survive best as you can, feel happy for the small things, know that you there is a solution to things and you will find it, think of a future better life, write in a diary maybe, take time to think, struggle with why this is happening until you find an answer, cry it makes you feel better). How old are you by the way? I am a high school student, female, 15years.
I'm glad you went to a psycholgist and asked for help, I have never been able to do that and you have helped me by doing this, by giving me courage that you can get help and I want to thank you for that. Very much. Please let me know how you are doing and if you find a sol'n to any of these eating problems. Stay well ok.
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replied April 19th, 2005
Hi again, yes I did tell my psychologist that my sports help me. But my parents think that if i'm barely eating or getting rid of anything I do eat, I can't do all my sports anymore :( they're considering making me stop doing track, which would be awful for me because running is such a good stress release. I totally understand where you're coming from with the control thing. That's part of my reason too, not really because my parents are overprotective, but because there are soo many things that I don't have control over (like having off- days in sports, occasional bad grades, boys, etc) that this is the one thing I have control over. Or at least I thought I did. But be careful, if you're 5' 2" and 80lbs, you're really underweight. Trying to gain weight back would be probably incredibly hard, but please try to at least not lose anymore. I hate it when people just think you can stop getting rid of the food routinely just like that, or start eating 3 full meals a day, they don't understand how hard it is. I'm starting 2 realize that you need 2 take baby steps with this. For you, try not to lose any more weight, that's more reasonable than just deciding to gain weight back. I do have a diary, but I haven't written in it in a while. Btw, i'm also a 15 yr old female high school student. Psychologists help... Alot. It's good to be able to get all the feelings out at once. I tend to keep mine internalized, so it really helps me. The only bad thing is that now mine wants to talk to my doctor because she thinks i've gotten worse. I did think of one way to avoid getting rid of my food, or at least for a little longer. If you have any like "rituals" or like certain times or places you get rid of the food in, then staying away from the place at that time helps. Like I go to a certain bathroom every day at lunch after i've had whatevers in my lunch (like water, barely anything) when i'm in school. So today I didn't go up there so I managed to go the whole day without getting rid of my food. (even though all i've had is an apple and a little pasta) let me know if this helps you, and thanks for taking the time to help me :)
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replied April 20th, 2005
Not Alone
When I read your post it made me glad to see you were admitting your problem and getting help. Im 19 years old and have been bulimic for 3 years now. After a heart attack, loosing my hair, huge dental bills, not to mention flunking out of college, I still to this day purge after every meal. Last week I lost my baby because I couldnt even stop then, even when I knew I was pregnant. Honey, I know what you are going through. And if you have an eating disorder you never will ever feel thin enough. And here's the secret...Eating disorders arent all about being thin. Its about control or lack of control. However you will gain control I feel because you are taking your life back in your own two hands. And it may be hard but I encourage you to keep going. One day you will be a better dancer/runner/ whatever you want to be because you got a hold on this disease that kills so many. You dont want to walk in my footsteps. Keep fighting girl im behind you and so is your family it seems! You inspire me. Stay strong.
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replied April 21st, 2005
Awww That's So Sad :(
Oh my gosh! That all happened because of this? That's awful sweetie, I feel soo bad. Especially about losing the baby, i'm so sorry to hear that. You need to fight too; i'm behind you :) for me, it's never been about the weight, but all about the control. I wanted something that I could have total control over myself, and it also helped me get rid of stress to numb my emotions. Now I think i've lost control, but i'm trying to get it back even though I get rid of my food everday. I can't believe how much has happened to you after only 3 years, and i've been doing it for 2. I hope you can pull through this too, because we have soo many more years to live and this shouldn't cut them short. Tomorrow i'm going to my doctor, and hopefully nothing serious will be wrong with me. But I almost passed out when I was running again today so i'm not sure :\ plus when I got rid of my food today I saw a little blood :( but i'm going to keep fighting because it's stories like yours that keep me motivated, and hoping that if I can do it, then I can help other people get through it too. Post back soon, and you keep fighting too!
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