Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

Time to Break-up Or Are These Symptoms of Treatable Bipolar?

I have been in a 1 and a half year relationship with a girl from thailand. I am canadian but have been living in thailand for the length of this relationship. In fact we have been living together for the past year.


At various times throughout the relationship she has behaved in worrying ways. At other times she has made me suspicious of her actions not to mention concerned about her mental well being.


I know that I love her very much. When she is good she is really good and this is 80% of the time. But when she is a bad partner I must be honest in saying thatshe is very hurtful.


Some of the things that she has done are as follows.

She occasionally becomes very angry even going as far as hitting me at times (over quite minor details I might add). Shortly after these outbursts she is very forgiving and caring. She has always said "that is the last time" but there always seems to be a next time a couple of months later.


She does things that she knows bother me. The worst of which is going out about 2 times per week. Often during her outings with friends I am aware that she can be quite friendly and possibly flirtacios with other guys. She will often return home after these outings quite late as well.


One of the worst things is that I have reason to doubt her monogomy. In fact I am pretty sure she has cheated on me at one time or another. A friend of hers actually told me that she has been with another guy recently. I don't know if I should trust her friend 100% but she is believable. Which leads to the last issue... Honesty.


She regularly "lies" to me and I catch her out sometimes. I realise that this sort of a trait of thais. They don't see it as "lieing" but "not telling the truth" in order to protect the other person as well as their own face.


I'm not sure what to do. I really love her when she is "normal" and she always promises to change. Many of her actions might indicate a mental problem or it might just be moral depravation or even cultural differences.


Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated.
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replied April 19th, 2005
Experienced User
Hi Rammer
Hi,
I think you should give her some space when she's not normal, bipolars needs to be alone whne they are in depression, and they could be very harmful when they couldn't have this space.

And if you love her honestly so u have to co-op with her and to understand her disorder. Is she on medications? My boyfriend is also bipolar, i'm in the same situation as yours, i'm always worried about my relationship with him. But I do love him and want to continue.

I also think that she doesn't deserve to break up with her just because of her illeness, she has nothing to do with it.

I wish you happiness

macias
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replied May 11th, 2005
Would It Be Happiness If It Were Medicated?
I think that's the toughest question to answer. Some people seem to have like an identity crisis type bipolar where others may not have the depersonalization but still have other symptoms.

In the long run I don't think you should feel bad about calling it quits. Assuming that: 1. You're not married and don't have any kids. 2. Even if it could be medicated to make the situation better, if you get married and have kids, she most likely can't take meds while pregnant. I have a co-worker who refused to have a second child because when his wife stopped taking medicine it put their marriage in jeapordy. More of something to think about than a reason to break-up. 3. In the end, what matters in your integrity. In the end I think any marriage could work as long as people care for each other and share a common foundation of values. You can sacrifice which tv shows you watch or what music you listen to for love, but you shouldn't ever sacrifice your integrity for love.

That's my rambling.
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replied June 2nd, 2005
Bipolar Boyfriend
Hi, I understand exactly what you are going through. Mi boyfriend is bipolar and righ now he is going through his manic phase. He just interned himself in a psychiatric clinic and hopefully will get out of this soon. All my friends and family tell me to leave him, that I deserve better, even himself tells me that, but I love him when he is in his "right head". They don't know what they are doing whrn they get manic, they know but they can't controll it. Try taking to your girlfriend to see if she goes to a psychologist who can diagnose this.

Anyone else with a boyfriend going through this?
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Users who thank Fabi for this post: davidshan 

replied June 20th, 2005
Yes I believe my partner is going through a manic phase...He is on meds lithium and seroquel, but he still has highs and lows, and lately its been worse than normal. I guess what frustrates me is that I try to help him, talk to him to hopefully make him feel better, but nothing helps. I am learning to build my own life apart from him so that I have something for myself in all of this chaos.
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replied June 21st, 2005
Time to Forget Him And Go On?
Hi miss demeanor, I know it's hard. My boyfriend is in the hospital right now, they were even thinking about giving electro shock to him because they think it will help a lot to balance his brain. I don't think so, but they are the doctors. Mine was taking seroquel to and some kind of lithium but lighter. They are supposed to be balancend and able to have a normal life if they are on these pills. You should check on him to be sure that he is taking them as supposed because they lye a lot about it. Mine will convince me that he was taking them and I could tell he wasn't because he was acting kind of manic. Mi dad is a bipolar too and he finally caught the bull by it's horns and is kind of managing the problem really well, but he knows he has to take medication every day, even if he's been without a manic phase over 3 years. But it's easy for them to want to stop taking pills because they sometimes make them sleepy or shaky. I think before you start making your life apart, you should think if you want to deal in full with this disease of him, and help him, convince him to go every weeke to the psychiatrist and psichologist, this helps a lot. If not, I think you should split with him and definitely make your life apart from him because if they don't have a person watching after them every day, they can't do it by themselves. It's an energy and emotions absorbing disease for the people that love them, I know it's hard but it is either take it all or leave it all.
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replied June 21st, 2005
Active User, very eHealthy
Simply put, if she doesnt agree to get some form of help.
You tried, if u cant deal and she isnt willing to get help. What more can u do?
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replied June 21st, 2005
Experienced User
Break up with her and go out with me
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replied June 21st, 2005
Experienced User
Here is my opinion: 1st...I dont any of the history between you two but what you have just told us it sounds like very unhealthy relationship aside from "hitting" part. You have to look at it this way (and in no manner am I telling you flat out leave her, thats your decision) but if you guys have been this way for I think you said a yr anda half then the ? You have to ask yourself is do you see things staying the same or getting worse or better? You know that if things stay the way the are or get worse it is unhealthy for you and her and can end up doing more damage physically and emotionally than if you called if off now and just remained friends. But if she is receiving help, treatment, ther., etc and you see things turning around then why not give it a shot. But if its getting worse or not going to change then leave now before you too far in to it.

2... To the htting part no matter what circumstances a man nor a woman should be hit, regardless or the situation. It is harmful not only physically but can damage a person mental and emotional state.

Good luck with what ever you decide to do!
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replied June 21st, 2005
I don't know if I would call her behavior bi-polar. Maybe it is just possible that she has a bad temper and can control it sometimes and other times not. As far as the cheating I was unaware that there was a medical term for this(bi-polar?). Cheating is cheating, people who do it know it's wrong. I think she is playing games and wants the best of both worlds. The comfort from your relationship and then wanting to go out and be with other people and with this erupts arguments and causes her to act the way she does. Sorry to be so blunt but cheating and going out and having temper tantrums does not equal bi-polar just bad behavior on her part. I am sorry that you are being put through this though. Good luck
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replied June 24th, 2005
Experienced User
I Really Like Fabi's Comment
My ex-boyfriend is bipolar

i use to think mental disorders was just made up, pyschiartry is psuedo science, and that one should meditate, and find balance and find who you are through your own self

take courses if you want to be a better person, or cognitive therapy
but not medication

but now, after dating this guy, I really think that something is really wrong with him

i am so broken hearted, as he was so kind, would go on my roof and clean the gutters out, would drive 13 miles one way just to go to taco bell when I got a craving, and on and on
he could be the sweetest, giving, gentle, generous man
he always tipped so well when we ate out, which was a lot
(i gained too much weight) anyways, cause he knew waitress,waiters worked hard, and got paid too little, I mean he was so nice to them
and the world would see him as this fantastic kind giving loving, funny, charming, really intelligent man

and then, there is other side, where he is another person
i see him as a hyprocrite, one hour he is kissing me, hours later
he is yelling, cursing at me, for nothing, veins popping out of his now red face, I mean, nothing big happened.

We live in seperate homes, sepearate money, no kids, no pets
i do not owe him anything

ugh,

so what he was upset was nothing, but somehow in his mind it was everything.

I had to finally realize that if I were to love this man, and be in a commited relationship with him, then I would have to fully step into it, and be there for the good and the horrific
and well, I can not do it anymore. It is a nightmare. I felt unsafe at times
and I said, no more. No matter how good he is, no more.

I am looking at it, like he died, and I can go through the mourning process.

I can not believe that some people are two different people,
everyone can be grumpy, have bad, or off days
but this was way too extreme, him being fine, and crying hysterically the next moment,

i gave too much,
i hope he will forever leave me alone
he just filled up my email mailbox with all these awful, mean
letters, and it is not true, I only read the subject heading, I will not open the letters up, it is a game to him

i wrote too much, sorry

it is just so emotionally hard. :cry:
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replied June 24th, 2005
Re: I Really Like Fabi's Comment
Hi, im so sorry that this is happening to you. Mine was exactly the same. So sweet with waiters and nice to everyone everywhere. Mi friends where envious of me because I had the most loving boyfriend ever!! But as you described your boyfriends head red full of veins I could remember mine like that too when he exploded with no reason. Only, I would tell him that it was enough and I was going to leave him and he would automatically change and say he was sorry. But it's true, it's either accept them like that or forget him and keep going o with your life. Right now i'm in that situation. I don't know what to do. Mine is in the hospital, stable and back to normal. Taking his medication every day and he wants to come here to my country and start all over again, or continue what we paused because he went manic in europe. He sounds really good on the phone and I know he will be stable for a long time, but I know too he will fall again in this and stop taking his pills. I don't know what to do because I love him so much. Also I was in the hospital once and he took care of me like if it was my mother. He is such a noble good hearted person when he is normal. He hasn't done that bad as your ex, like calling and leaving horrible emails, but I know he could in the future if he gets manic again and I leave him. My only hope is god. I'm gonna try to push him to church, since he is atheist because he wasn't raised with a religion. I think people that don't have god in their lives are vulnerable to this things. As I mentioned my dad is bipolar too and he finally realized that god could help a lot, the faith in him and he opened his heart to him and it has helped him deal with this sickness better. Anyway, if you though you wrote a lot, look at this!! Aajajja. I hope you continue happy in your life without him. I know it's hard but there is no worst person than the one that doesn't want to be helped and you did your best with him and he doesn't want to help himself so you have to go on with your life. You'll find a nice man that loves you like you deserve. I'm going to keep trying myself to deal with mine. My last hope, like I said, is god. If he doesn't want to accept him, I can't do anything else and I will make the same decision you made. To forget him.
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replied December 21st, 2005
Re: Bipolar Boyfriend
fabi wrote:
hi, I understand exactly what you are going through. Mi boyfriend is bipolar and righ now he is going through his manic phase. He just interned himself in a psychiatric clinic and hopefully will get out of this soon. All my friends and family tell me to leave him, that I deserve better, even himself tells me that, but I love him when he is in his "right head". They don't know what they are doing whrn they get manic, they know but they can't controll it. Try taking to your girlfriend to see if she goes to a psychologist who can diagnose this.

Anyone else with a boyfriend going through this?


hi,
yes I am going though exactly the same as you. I love him and I want him back to normal. I dont want to leave him, but sometimes it sounds like he wants to leave me. I am so confused. And all my family and friends tell me to leave him, but they dont understand him. I understand him but most of the time I am waiting around for him. His family dont seem to let me know what is happening! I need someone to tell me what to do. I love him so musch and I hate to see him hurting like this. Everyont thinks he is a bad guy and that I can do better, but I dont want to do better, he is the one for me and I want to see him get better.

Lauren
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replied December 21st, 2005
Re: Bipolar Boyfriend
fabi wrote:
hi, I understand exactly what you are going through. Mi boyfriend is bipolar and righ now he is going through his manic phase. He just interned himself in a psychiatric clinic and hopefully will get out of this soon. All my friends and family tell me to leave him, that I deserve better, even himself tells me that, but I love him when he is in his "right head". They don't know what they are doing whrn they get manic, they know but they can't controll it. Try taking to your girlfriend to see if she goes to a psychologist who can diagnose this.

Anyone else with a boyfriend going through this?


hi,
yes I am going though exactly the same as you. I love him and I want him back to normal. I dont want to leave him, but sometimes it sounds like he wants to leave me. I am so confused. And all my family and friends tell me to leave him, but they dont understand him. I understand him but most of the time I am waiting around for him. His family dont seem to let me know what is happening! I need someone to tell me what to do. I love him so musch and I hate to see him hurting like this. Everyont thinks he is a bad guy and that I can do better, but I dont want to do better, he is the one for me and I want to see him get better.

Lauren
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replied October 5th, 2008
help
my spouse is now in his depression. last night he drank tons of alcohol. he has not been diagnosed with anything but he won't go. i too love him and don't want to leave him. i don't understand why he won't act like this in front of anyone but when we get alone he starts making up things to yell and scream at my about. Lauren, what do you do when he does this to you? do you sit quietly, run away, yell back? I try to hug him and tell him i love him but he won't stop saying horrible things until i cry, then he tells me i am sick and need help and then won't speak to me for a week (punishing). Last night i told him i think he has a mental condition and needs help, man was that the wrong thing to do. now he is depressed and xtreme angry at me. i am totally giving him his space. can anyone tell me where i can get instructions on how to deal with the xtreme cycles while keeping my sanity?
help please
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replied October 27th, 2008
Re: Bipolar Boyfriend
Fabi wrote:
Hi, I understand exactly what you are going through. Mi boyfriend is bipolar and righ now he is going through his manic phase. He just interned himself in a psychiatric clinic and hopefully will get out of this soon. All my friends and family tell me to leave him, that I deserve better, even himself tells me that, but I love him when he is in his "right head". They don't know what they are doing whrn they get manic, they know but they can't controll it. Try taking to your girlfriend to see if she goes to a psychologist who can diagnose this.

Anyone else with a boyfriend going through this?


Yes, I have been going through it for two years. He is bipolar so he feels that its always someone else's fault. He will have days where he cleans and picks up the house for hours and criticizes anyone who puts something down, even if for a minute. Then has to critisize me saying that I don't teach my son to pick up after himself. Then he has days where the house could be burning down and he wouldn't jump up to see what was happening. On top of the bipolar, he had addictions. The biggest being alcohol. He just can't control himself. At the fair, he conveniently got lost with my 11 month old in the stroller. I find him 90 minutes later drunk. My son is in just a diaper because his outfit and stroller are soaked in beer. It has been two years of hell. Two weeks ago I told him to leave. He left and I heard nothing for two whole days. Then he calls and says 'Hi, i just needed a few days away' I told him he couldn't come back here. I love him and feel bad for him that he is dealing with this sickness however, he needs to start therapy and figure out his issues before I can have him in my daily life. Its not good for the children to hear us fighting, especially over stupid stuff. He keeps begging saying that he would rather give me the money instead of his new apartment, that he moves to tonight. He has been staying with his grandma. I love him and IF he could get a handle on this disease, or EVEN work toward controlling it, I would try however, i hear all these stories of people in relationships for 10+ years ending because of this and i really don't want to put up with that many years of this. I feel that these two have aged me already.
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