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Need Advice W/ Family Problems

I live w/ my grandparents right now but my mom wants me to go live w/ her I dont want to hurt her by not going but when I go to vist her and my brother and sisters it makes me not want to be there
she is always drinking and fighting w/ one of my sisters and they never have any money cuz she goes and spends it on her booze
and everyday when she gets home from work her and her boyfriend go out and party and dont come home untill the next day its so fustrating

she says things are better and she is going to get help but I dont know if I beleive her because she has said it befor somtimes I even wonder if she cares I just found out that I was pregnant and I wonder if that is just going to make it worse cuz I am only 14

i need some advice and thats why I signed up for this

thank you to those who have advice for me cuz thats all I need right now. Jacky
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replied March 28th, 2005
Hey
Hey jacky, my name's kate.. Well your name came under both postings, one about being pregnant, and one about family issues, all I can say is, if ur pregnant, and even if ur not, u need to do whats best for u and ur possible baby, if u strongyl feel that living with ur mom isn't the situation u want to be in, then don't be there. Sure it's going to be tough, but in the end, u'll be glad u made the decision thats suits u best, good luck.
*kate
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replied March 30th, 2005
Experienced User
Hi jackie my name is elaine. Listen I understand that you are in a awkward position! But look after number 1. How does your gparents feel about you being preg or do they know? I think if your mum has promised before that things will be diff and they havent, well I dont think they will, thats a real strong statement to make seeing I dont know you or your mum. I believe that you should stay as you are. Especially if you are pregnant as it isnt really a good environment for your baby to grow up in. I hope ive helped you chick!
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replied March 30th, 2005
Thank you for your adivice but I went to the doctors w/ my boyfriend and thank god im not pregnant!! :d
I still dont know that moving w/ my mom is the best situation but I am now considering it more I mean I dont want to hurt her
it doesnt feel good when you hurt your mom you know

idk if I want to leave I love my man and I dont if I could leave him but its a hard p;ace to be you know between your mom and you bestfriend.

Well thanx for your advice you dont know how much it means to me


jacky
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replied April 1st, 2005
Experienced User
Hi jacky.... Im glad your not preg! Personally I dont think that whether you upset your mum is the most important thing just now. You need to think where your gona be comfortable and have a better life. Really life is too short to spend it miserable. Its entirly up to you and your decision it must be hard to choose
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replied April 1st, 2005
Hi jacky, my name is mindy
i think the decision is really up to you, but you shouls really sit down and think about a few things...
Are you happy where you are now?
How sure are you things wont revert back to the same old if you moved back in with your mom?

I understand you are only 14 and I am happy you are not pregnant, but if you are going to be unhappy living with her, just be honets with her...Maybe that will be an eye opener for her, maybe then she'll realize there are things more important then booze...

My mom and I never really got along, she has been begging me to move back in with her for the last 8 years and I refuse. It hurts her sometimes, but I dont know the real reason she wants me back...If she just needs some one to clean her house, help her with bills and groceries...Blah blah blah...

Jacky, you do whats best for you, and if she feels bad, then she feels bad, she will learn to understand that you are allowed to make your own decisions. And it may sound mean, but you dont need to be around the kind of behavior. Me, my brother and my siter all were...I left and changed my life, my brother and sister are both drinkers, they smoke pot, they have been in jail more then once....

Anyway, good luck to you...I hope it all works out for you
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replied April 1st, 2005
Much Higher Risk...
Jackie,

kids who grow up in alcoholic households are at at much higher risk of becomming alcoholics themselfs. From the sounds of it mom isn't going to change anytime soon sadly and you have to take care of yourself and your baby.

When/if mom enters recovery she will begin to understand in time the results of her actions, addiction.

Then, you also need to make sure grandma and grandpa are ok with the situation. They will have an adjustment perioud as well but hopefully in time you will be able to lean on them as you are young and will most likely need the help.

Keep you and your baby first...Then everyone else in order!!


Take care and make sure you keep in close contact with your doctor. Serious complications can come up do to your age. Above all know you will be ok!

Take care
mike
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replied April 5th, 2005
Hi There, Babyjack
Welcome to the forum, I am also a newcomer. I'd like to recommend you reading the book "it will never happen to me" by claudia black. It has great advices for a situation like yours. It helped me a lot. My situation was very similar as a child. :roll:
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replied April 7th, 2005
Jacky, you say you don't want to hurt your mom, which of course you don't, but do you really want to hurt yourself? Because you will be hurting yourself & your future if you move in with her. Mom's house sounds like a bad situation for everyone involved! You should be worrying about school and sports and things like that, you move back in with your mom & you'll end up worrying if mom's going to spend the grocery money at the bar or when she'll come home & what kind of condition she'll be in when she gets there! You deserve better. Don't think about hurting her, think about how much she would hurt you if you moved in with her. Make this decision for yourself and stick with it, don't let her make you feel guilty.
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