Medical Questions > Relationships > GLBT Relationships Forum

How Can I Tell If a Friend Or Any Woman Is Bi

I mean, I read body language pretty well. But I think because i'm still curious and have not explored my desires that I am blind sighted somehow by the signals if there are any. With men I can tell what they want and I have no problems flirting with them. I know i'm comfortable flirting with them because they pose no threat to me. I'm happily married and my hubby is more then supportive of my desires.

I have a friend who I find attractive but am clueless on how to go about finding out her interests beyond her b/f if any. I think sometimes if I approached it directly I wouldn't be disappointed but at the same time I live in a small town and no one wants to admit to their secrets it seems.

Personally I am frustrated and clueless and would appreciate any feedback I could get.
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replied March 24th, 2005
Oh how sad, no one can answer this question for me :(

i gathered from some of the other threads that someone could give me some insight.
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replied March 25th, 2005
Hi spicy, doesn't this just annoy the hell outta you? If you like your girlfriend and want to experiment but not let the whole damn town know about it well girl you need to use that brain god gave you. The best experience I had was when an older lady and her bf subtly suggested the 'idea' of bisexuality, and would proceed with conversations about the topic that were laid (pardon the pun) with innuendo. Its a good way to observe their reactions and behaviour. Its all about teasing and flirting with the idea (just to cover your ass if its doesn't work out) yet if they are interested you'll soon find out.

Best of luck

cathp
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replied March 25th, 2005
Hey cathp....Thanks for the reply. Appreciated :)

well that's kind of where I am at right now with it. Tried that and think so but still not totally sure. But I hear you on the flirting and listen close to clues and whatnot. I'll keep at it and see what happens.
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replied April 15th, 2005
Really
Hi spicy, how are things good. Well I know that we do not know each other. But I really can't seem to think what to tell ya on that. Thats hard to think about. So you have a boyfriend! Right and you like you bestfriend thats a girl. Well it might just might be a thought that came to your head. Is she pretty? Because it's alright to think that another girl is that doesn't mean that you want to be with her. But I really don't know, you should have a girl's night out. Just you and her, then you will be able to find out if there is more there then just being friends. Please don't think that I just tell people to leave their husbands. I belive in vow's. I don't think being gay or bi is right but that doesn't mean that I will not be your friend because you are. I don't like to juge people because. I think everyone has good in them.

Thats just the way I think. I think you should tell her what you think. And see how it goes from there. If she doesn't think the same way. Then don't say anything to your husband about it. Now i'm not saying lie to him, bend the truth a bit, to save his feeling.

Well got to go for know glad that I could help
and if you ever need someone to talk to let me know

i'm looking forward to hearing from ya
bye hun take care
carla
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replied May 30th, 2005
I would ask her what she thinks about bi-curiosity and lesbianism. See what her reply is... Keep me posted!
~~*firecracker*~~
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replied March 11th, 2010
I think there could well be other ladies in your small town that know very well that you're interested in women. We often do 'know'. Wink

Perhaps your friend is straight, or perhaps she isn't but would be horrified at the thought of a married woman just using her for sexual gratification. That's how I'd feel. You're in a committed relationship, marriage, and even though you say your husband is ok with your desires that's because the two of you are speaking only of a sexual aspect. Many straight men like the image of 'girl on girl action'. Many Lesbian/Bi/Bi-curious women though would be really put off and potentially HURT by your attitude. I would be really upset if a woman I was interested in only wanted to 'scratch a sexual itch' and fulfill a fantasy for herself and her husband - I want to have an intimate, loving, monogamous relationship, with a sexual component, with my girlfriend NOT to be used. Because you already have a friendship with this woman, your relationship with her already has an emotional connection - Things could get VERY messy!

There are people out there who only want a casual sexual encounter like yourself, but I would suggest a personal ad or internet site for meeting like-minded people, without complications. Don't ruin a friendship by complicating it by making sexual advances but expecting the emotional dynamic of the friendship to remain the same - You are more likely just to lose a friend or end up feeling weird and awkward around each other regardless of wether she wants to sleep with you or not.

HTH! Smile

P.S. I know this is an old post and 'you' (ie the original poster) have likely moved well on with your life since then, but this issue comes up so frequently in 'our' community and online that I thought putting up a reply anyway might be helpful to those who stumble across this while looking for similar advice themselves.
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