Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

How to Approach a Bipolar Person? (Page 1)

Hi,

i am a 38yo woman, divorced, 2 kids. I met a wonderful man last year. I am convince he is bipolar (long story). The question is how do I approach the subject? He is now in a depressive state and doesn't want to see me, but doesn't want to breakup either. I know what bipolar is (my mom is) and I am willing to be here for him if he seeks treatment. I guess I should wait untill he is in a better (manic) mood? Any advices?
Thanks
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replied February 5th, 2005
Bi-polar
Valiette,
I have been bi-polar for 59 years and yes, I tend to do the same things as your boyfriend does. I stay away from people. Depression like that is so overwhelming that you can't function at all in any situation. I also do it because I personally feel that others should not be the brunt of my nastiness and impatience when I am so sick. My depression can last for years, I am also a rapid cycler, and can also be in both manic and depressive stage at the same time. My advise, from a bi-polar point of view is to just drop him a note, short phone call, and just let him know that he is not alone, and that as a friend you are there if he wants to talk about it or whatever. If you really care about him learn as much about the disorder as you can and then let him know you understand how horrible it must be for him.
God bless both of you
leslie
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replied February 5th, 2005
Experienced User
I don't know why my bf is so good with other people?
When he's deperssed he is apart from all his family and the nearest friends to him, but he can come to chat online with anyone, or even with some friends and he's so nice with them and very happy, but when I come for example online, he's so agressif with me, is this because he wants to be apart from anyone he loves? He doesn't call me at all since a few days. I don't know what to do, I love him so much and I wanna be with him.
Waiting fro your advices
thanks
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replied May 31st, 2005
I noticed this post was from awhile back but I can really relate, my bf will act so nasty to me at times but be so nice to others...Is that something that could be from being bipolar? Ive said something to him before bout treating me crappy and treating everyone else better...Its frustrating!
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replied May 31st, 2005
Bi-polar
I myself am bi-polar and I can relate to your boyfriend acting nice to other and nasty to the ones he loves. I tend to do the same thing though I dont mean to be cruel to those I love it just comes off that way and sometimes I even get agressive often thats because I dont want those I love to see me in my depressed state I dont want them to have to deal with it because I love htem too much to expose them to taht adn often the only way to make sure they arent exposed to it is to push them away and sometimes even get agressive when they insist on talking to me about it. I'd wait till he's in a better mood and help him seek treatment. Let him know he isnt alone and that your willing to be there for him, show him information on bi-polar disorder (if he hasn't been medically diagnosed yet) and just help him any way you can, he'll eventually warm up to you and stop being so agressive as long as you are calm and rational with him and try not to be too upset as men tend to hate seeing women cry. Sometimes he'll still push you away and possibly get a little aggressive but it will get better over time as long as your careful not to push the issue with him. And thats my advice so yeah *smile*
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replied May 31st, 2005
Thanks...I posted in my other post about how he doesnt know I know, im pretty sure he is though after reading forums and other info...So I probably wont tell him I know or bring it up. Id let him do that if he wants to tell me.
It probably doesnt help that when we get in fights/arguments that he can make me cry easily sometimes by what he says...
Ill just have to approach things in different ways.
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replied May 31st, 2005
Thats the best idea, change how you approach the problem and hey if it helps. I know you can do it and I know you'll be just fine. I cry easily cuz of my boyfriend sometimes too but mostly they hate it when we cry because of something they've done or said or some problem with them (like them being bipolar or something similar) they hate to know they caused us pain and no fighting doesnt help try andbe calm and rational and I know everything will work out just fine. Good luck. *smile*
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replied May 31st, 2005
Thanks so much for your encouragement! I hope knowin how to deal with this will help our relationship more cuz lately its been hectic to where I dont know if I can deal with it!
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replied May 31st, 2005
Glad to Help
Hey i'm glad I can help, i've had a few relationships fall apart cuz my bf couldn't handle my bipolar. Dont wanna see that happen to you or anyone else. :d
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replied June 5th, 2005
Re: Glad to Help
ashtyn2005 wrote:
hey i'm glad I can help, i've had a few relationships fall apart cuz my bf couldn't handle my bipolar. Dont wanna see that happen to you or anyone else. :d
I to have had a bf w/ bipolar. He is seet caring ect. About 4 weeks ago we were supppose to go out and he left w/ my car, told people I was sick and then told me my car was broke down. He finally returned around 2:00 am. We had a big fight because I reacted an did not respond. I did some stupid stuff, because I was afraid he was using drugs. I wanted his friends to help me an see , but no luck. I have not heard from him in 3 weeks. When we attend the same lounge club I end up leaving because I am so sensitive. How can I get him to accept my phone calls or emails ?
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replied July 13th, 2005
Re: Glad to Help
Ok well your bf might be doing drugs I dont know him but its is one of the biggest things of the disorder. I'm bi-polar to I have been for 17 year so year its really hard. :twisted: :evil:
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replied July 14th, 2005
Experienced User
Approach Bp Very Carefully In Some Instances,
My ex bf who has bipolar disorder, he
invertnly hurt me that I have a very noticable dark scar on my right knee
i look awful :( it formed a keloid, and I do not have the money for laser surgery, if that could even help
i have been putting merderma on it for months.Did not help.

The situation was all fine and then he wants me to go home just like that, well really he says get the f out of his house, it is in the middle of the nite
i did not drive there, he drove me there
so I have no way of going home, well I could have called the cab, but first I wanted to get out of his home, as he was cursing,screaming
so I proceed to walk down the road
and then he gets in his car, and I have my backpack and a bag of my stuff, and he stops the car on the road by his house,
and tells me to get in, so he has the engine running, cause he is in the road resdiental area, and I open the back door to put my bags in
cause there is no room in the passanger seat
and as I close that door, I have my hand on the passenger door as I was just about to open it to go in,
we are talking seconds here
and my bipolar boyfriend speeds away!
What happens is because I had my hand on the door handle
i fall smack down on the pavenment right onto my wrists and knees,
i was on crutches for weeks, I hurt myself real bad
thank god it was not worse
and for what? I did nothing wrong, except fall in love with him

i did not know anyting about bipolar prior
he treated me prior like a princess, I really loved him, trusted him
everyone else adored him, thought great of him, now
i feel like the world's greatest fool, and my knee says it all

i had an awful experience, I pray no one else has one like mine
everyone is different, so I am just expressing my story
i will never date again, how can I ever trust anyone else again?
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replied October 19th, 2007
For me personally, I know that when I'm in a really bad state, I treat those closest to me the worst because I'm scared of hurting them and doing permanent damage so I just need to be away from them until I'm "better".. it's for them I do it, but it feels like I'm doing it to get back at them, I know. my therapist says many people do it for that reason, so that could be why those you all know do it.
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replied October 29th, 2007
just because someone has bipolar disorder doesn't make them totally nuts. Yeah you get really angry and irritable but it sounds like your significant other had anger issues outside of bipolar.

and we HAVE bipolar we are NOT bipolar.
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replied March 10th, 2009
treating those closest badly
I had a very, very close friend who started to push me away for no apparent reason. I thought it was a problem in our friendship but after she moved away, I found out that she treated a lot of people nice one day and nasty the next, sometimes even within hours. Insead fo trying to fix things with her like I did, they just disliked her. She was in a professional position as a leader of a lot of people and left because they became very dissatisfied with the job she was doing. Since she left, 3 people have said they thought she is bipolar. After knowing that the conflicts in our relationship were in all her relationships, I realized she did have symptoms of bipolar disorder. Now that she is gone, she will not communicate with me. At first I thought that she had used me and really wasn't a friend in reality but now I wonder if she has shut me out completely because I really was her closest friend and she doesn't want to hurt me by telling me about her illness which she knows has hurt me in the past. But I was only hurt because I did not know what was wrong. I could handle it now and I think my love and support could help her. My question is: once someone puts up that wall and shuts out someone they loved as a friend, do they ever come back to the friendship after they are well?
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replied March 10th, 2009
Experienced User
To lostfriend: I wouldn't count on your friend coming back.
If we loved someone, it's enough. Sometimes, people leave without explaining. It's harsh. I wouldn't do it. Bipolar effects the brain. Sometimes, we supporters overlook that after we become friends with the person. People are different too. Maybe she just has bad character, and rather than wish you well, cut you off. Focus on yourself. I would just forget about her. Even if you reestablish contact at some point and make amends, your relationship was conflicted the first time and it will be again. That's my opinion from experience. The same thing could happen all over again, Don't focus on saving her. Save yourself.
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replied March 17th, 2009
losing my friend
Me and my close friend had a argument over a letter i wrote her. All i wrote way my feelings and she freaked. She does have bipolor, this is our 1st fight. I felt bad that she took my letter wrong and went to her house to talk about it as i am the kind of person that needs to deal with things as they happen. She went nuts as i kept my yelling back she still kept going. I did hummble myself and said sorry and explained myself in detail over and over again on my knees in front of her. She could not even look at me. I am sooooooooooo hurt at some stuff that was said and at the fact that she has not even tried to apalogise to me for being hurt at the things she did to. I am the kind that deals with it my hurt is bad and as it is left it turns into hate and than makes me mad instead of being hurt. So i can't wait to deal with this because if she waita to long its done and thats it i won't be able to respect her anymore knowing she could hurt me and leave me. What the heck do i do?
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replied March 17th, 2009
losing my friend
Your friend does not sound like a friend at all. My friend walked away but wished me well. Your friend is just verbally attacking you and even after you begged forgiveness (probably without reason), she would not stop. My advice is forget her. She is not a real friend. It's hard to lose a friend you really care about but I can tell you from experience that you are better off without this person. Stay away from her and you will find that you feel better every day.
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replied March 17th, 2009
The thing is is she has told my hubby as she is a neighbor that she loves me to death and that i had no right writing my feelings and accusing her of using me. It was only our feelings as we just finished watching her house for a month and this all was made because of her older daughter staying home and me and her getting into it a few times. She agreed with everything i said to her daughter while she was gone but her daughter lied so much i had no clue who to believe. So i needed to put it on paper as i said i need to deal with things as they happen but then she says she needs to wait and this is all my fault cause i didnt think of her and wait. I cant change who i am and but obviously we are clashing in this aspect. And now i am the one sitting here not sleeping crying everyday and hurt as shes going on with her life.
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replied March 17th, 2009
natasha
I don't think that bipolar friends can be real friends. It is not their fault, they just can't deal with feelings even if they are someone else's feelings. This is just my opinion. I know it is difficult but you cannot allow yourself to love your friend. Find a way to be a neighbor on friendly terms but if you are losing sleep and crying over this friendship, it is a toxic friendship and will always hurt you. If you can't do this, then see if your husband can act as a mediator in this misunderstanding and as an objective third party, help your friend to see and acknowledge your feelings. When misunderstandings arose with my bipolar friend, I was the one who always ironed things out and although she seemed to understand and accept my explanations for things, she would always go back to her original thinking and behavior. I think the emotional part of bipolar is so strong that it overrides common sense and even love. Good luck with your friend. If she has been a friend for a long time (years) and this is your first clash, I think you can work it out with your husband's help. If it is a short friendship (a year or less), I think this is just the beginning of alot of heartache.
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