Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

Does This All Sound Familiar/how Do I Get My Boyfriend Help!

I am 42 years old, my boyfriend is 45. He is very successful. While we have only been together just under 4 months, I feel as though i've known him forever (and I don't know if this is a good or bad feeling). I have been divorced 10 years, married 1x. He has been divorced 13 years, married 2x. I know many people reading this will find this wrong, but we moved in together almost immediately, it was convenient for us both. I have got to know him quickly! It didn't take long to discover this man has noticeable mood swings! He is never violent, he instead becomes an ugly monster, saying awful things as though he were 14-years old and very angry at his mother (in this case, me!).

Is this bipolar, I think it is, my friends say it is: he used to drink, gave it up 5 years ago. He will now have embarrassing occasions to curse in public (the f word). As I have a lot of class, this is mortifying to me. He has no control over outbursts and often doesn't remember them. He will tell me he loves me, and then take it back. He will say "i hate you"; and repeatedly tells me to leave his home. Keep this in mind, the man says that I am the nicest person he has ever met, that I am too good for him and that maybe he has never been loved before, as I show him love constantly! In fact, thru all the outbursts, I have maintained spiritual hope that he'd go for help and things would improve. This is what has kept me here, kept me going.


Things are getting so bad I am ready to move 2 hours south from him.


Is this familiar?: here is an example of similar scenarios in our relationship. This past weekend he surprised me. (i think it was done out of guilt, I caught him doing something that hurt me). He took us on a mini-vacation, and bought me about $600 worth of clothing/perfume. We had a wonderful time. We usually do when we're away from home. Then, 24-hours later, I hear "i am not in love with you, I don't know what is missing". But, he adds that i'm sexy, beautiful....


I am soooo confused!!! He is so confused. He admits some problem, has given me his health card to locate a doctor, but has yet to go. The relationship is on/off all the time. It is new, we should have bliss.


How do I get this man to see his problem? How do I get him to go for help? He doubts my love, he is scared, afraid I will leave so I think he pushes me away now. I thought of showing him this board, that maybe he could read the similar stories. I wrote today to a local chapter for support. Any suggestions on how to get him to go?


I'm so tired, i'm at the end of my rope and not sleeping now. This man has verbally hurt me for the last time!


Please write me with advice,thanks. Really, if you need to hear more, i'd be happy to share the awful things he says...I just want peace!
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replied January 14th, 2005
Don't Give Up Too Easily
If you were an undiagnosed diabetic would you want him to leave you if you got sick? Go with him to a doctor, a psychiatrist, and/or a therapist. The fact that he acknowledges a problem is great and he may find that treatment is enormously helpful. :d
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replied January 14th, 2005
Offered to Go With Him to Work On Problem
Thank you for your reply. I have repeatedly offered to go with him and to do whatever it takes to make 'us' healthy. For whatever reason, he falls short of making the appointment. There is always an excuse. It is so exhausting on my mentally and even physically. So difficult that he can't recal things he has said during a tantrum. Then the times when things are good or even great, I am the princess. How does the princess turn her frog into the prince???
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replied March 24th, 2005
Diabetics Don't Beat You Up Emotionally!
I disagree about not leaving him. No one would probably leave someone for having diabetes. But being a diabetic and being bipolar are two very different things. This is something very treatable yet he refuses to get help. I suggest that if he refuses to go get help then it is out of your hands. You have to decide weather you can put up with it or not. You should not take the abuse. If he is not willing to get help then you should not leave yourself in a sittuation like that. It's not fair to you and people can only treat you the way you allow them too. When I feel an episode of anger coming on I go off somewhere on my own. I tell my boyfriend that I am having a bad time and that it has nothing to do with him and that I just need to be alone for a bit. I also add that I love him.....Hope this helps!
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