:( hi, I just found out that I am pregnant last night. I know my situation probably isn't the normal thing you hear but you've probably heard it all.

I have been married for almost 9 years and I have two kids ages 7 and 4. In between them I had two misscarrages, and before I was married I had an abortion at 11 weeks pregnant. Right now I am about 4 weeks (2 weeks from conception). I am really not sure if I want another baby right now and I don't really want any part of being pregnant. But on the other hand I see my kids now and think well, how can I not have it. But all I have been doing is crying since I found out and don't really see anything positive about any of this. I haven't closed my mind for more children, but I feel I am just getting to a point where I have a few minutes to my self. So I know if I don't have the baby it is for selfish reasons. What if I have this baby and I don't really want it an I treat it differently then I do my other kids. I'm really afraid of that happening. My husband says he will support me in anything I decide. I think deep down he wants me to have it though. So i'm also scared of the resentment he will hold toward me if I end the pregnancy. But he doesn't have to be pregnant, give birth, have no sleep for two years and so fourth.
I am very confused right now and I know a decision made earlier would be better then later.


My husband just joined the military this year and we are barley getting by right now. We have no more baby things to hand down and I would have no family support for this baby. I don't even really know where I would get the money for this procedure if that is what I will decide. I'm just so scared right now, I can't stop crying and I can't sleep. Everything just seems so surreal.

I can't believe I have to actually make this decision.

Please help,
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replied January 4th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
To me, it almost sounds like you would like the kid except that you feel overwhelmed and scared about how it will go?

It also sounds like the stress really is getting to you and that you don't quite know what to do about it.

Most of all, I would now advice you to seek out a counselor. Go with some licenced mental health professional with a diploma who can help you sort out your stressors and help you reach your own decision about what you can handle. If that person helps you figure out that you really can handle another kid and that you would like this, then you clearly should go ahead. If the outcome is that you realize that pregnancy and/or motherhood would take to much out of you, then an abortion is in order.

But the decision should be yours, because only you are the expert in your own life, only you know what will work for you in the end.

Best of luck and don't be afraid to ask for help when you get to stressed. If you are crying, then you are much to miserable to go through this on your own.

And if you feel that you can't afford any type of counseling, then know that there are often many services in mental health available both at sliding scale and occationally for free. A good place to start is the "help-line," a nationwide network of referral sources. Generally you can access it in your area by dialing "211"
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replied January 5th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
"scared," if ever there is a time to be selfish, now is it. Whatever happens, it will be something you have to live with for the next many years. If the solution doesn't work for you, it will be a lot of years of not working for you.
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replied January 5th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
Exactly.. Don't worry about what others want.. It's all about you now.. Whether people like it or not.. Just make sure whatever you choose.. You can live with it whatever that option may be.
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replied January 9th, 2005
Active User, very eHealthy
There is no such thing as a selfish reason to obtain an abortion. Selfishness and selflessness are both subjective to the individual person. You are not selfish for seeking out information on abortion just as you are not selfish should you obtain an abortion. As steen said, you are the only expert of your life and whatever decision you reach needs to be the decision that you can live with. Women obtain abortions for a variety of reasons and none of them are selfish because obviously the woman felt she had no other choice for her own body, self, sanity, situation, etc. People only use the word "selfish" to try to make you feel bad about the choices you make in your life when in reality they have no business in your affairs what so ever. This decision is yours and yours alone to make. I would seek out a counselor and do a lot of self searching to come to my decision. You are not selfish to want to maintain your sanity by seeking an abortion.

My oldest sister had 3 children all in a row, 10-11 months apart for each of them. There was a time for awhile when she could not handle the stress that put on her. All of the children, two still in diapers, ended up being shuffled between relatives until my sister got a grip on reality again. Her sanity was threatened by having that many children all at once and she knew it but she made her choice and as family, we supported her by caring for her children when she was temporarily incapacitated. If you have the support network that my sister was lucky enough to have, then it may work out. However, if you're the sole caregiver and one more child at this time may put you over the edge, then it's a lot to risk.

Above all else, we want you to be happy and well adjusted with whatever choice you make. It's up to you and we'll be here to support whatever choice you make.

Peace, love, and hope,
jenn
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replied January 14th, 2005
Selfishness isn't always a bad thing. Many times, especially as women, we're taught to give and give and give and that if you expect anything in return you should feel bad.

As everyone has said, only you know what's best for you. Burning yourself out with stress and grief from the pressures you have now, let alone with added pressures doesn't help anyone. Not the children you have now, not your husband, not you, and most of all not the one on the way.

Sit down and talk with your husband and weigh all of your options.

Good luck!
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replied January 21st, 2005
Hi....Its been 2 weeks and I have come to my decision. Which has come from my heart not anything anyone has written or debated about on this board.
I came here scared looking for advice and support (no matter the decision I made)
i didn't relieze I would be put down for considering something this topic on this board was put here for.
I respect everyone's own opinion in this highly debatable area, but this is not the place (for a debate )
if another woman were in my place I would give them open minded advice and let them come to a decision that is best for them.
So to conclude this message, just to let everyone know that I have decided to keep my baby. All of this was just a big surprise and I was freaking out....I needed time to let everything sink in. And it has. Things will work out for me and my family, they always do.
I'm sorry if I sounded selfish to some of you but at the time that is what was going through my mind and there is nothing wrong with that. And if the decision would have been different I hope on this board I could have been supported as well with that decision.
So if anyone else is ever in my place ...Feel free to pm me and I will give you un bias support, information, and advice.
To those of you who are pro choice and supported me ...Thank you very much for not judging me in my current situation. I am not an irresponsible person. I am a great stay at home mom who would do anything for her kids.
Basically I was just in shock...I didn't know what to do. And only time in my own mind could help me come to my own conclusions.
Thanks again
no longer scared :)
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replied July 14th, 2005
We all wish you the best!!
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replied July 14th, 2005
Active User, very eHealthy
scared110 wrote:
i didn't relieze I would be put down for considering something this topic on this board was put here for.
you weren't supposed to be. I am sorry that it continues to happen despite some of our efforts.

Quote:
i respect everyone's own opinion in this highly debatable area, but this is not the place (for a debate )
if another woman were in my place I would give them open minded advice and let them come to a decision that is best for them.
I agree. I hope you'll stick around here to give other women open minded advice.

Quote:
so to conclude this message, just to let everyone know that I have decided to keep my baby.
.Congratulations!!!!
Quote:
all of this was just a big surprise and I was freaking out....I needed time to let everything sink in. And it has. Things will work out for me and my family, they always do.
i'm glad for you and I hope that everything does work out.

Quote:
i'm sorry if I sounded selfish to some of you but at the time that is what was going through my mind and there is nothing wrong with that. And if the decision would have been different I hope on this board I could have been supported as well with that decision.
I support any decision that a woman comes to on her own with consideration to her own life and wants as well. I'm very happy that you have made the best choice for you. If you had chosen differently, I still would have supported you. I am sorry that others cannot see beyond themselves. Also, "selfish" is purely subjective which is why arguments about what is and what is not "selfish" turn into brawls. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says as long as you are happy and satisfied with the choice you have made.

Quote:
to those of you who are pro choice and supported me ...Thank you very much for not judging me in my current situation. I am not an irresponsible person. I am a great stay at home mom who would do anything for her kids.
Basically I was just in shock...I didn't know what to do. And only time in my own mind could help me come to my own conclusions.

Thanks again
no longer scared :)
I am happy for you and .Congratulations again! Keep us posted on the pregnancy, get lots of rest (if you can - which I know can be hard for stay-at-home mom's), remember to take some time out for yourself everyday, and eat as nutriciously as possible. Best of luck!
Peace and love,
jenn
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replied July 14th, 2005
Active User, very eHealthy
She hasnt been back since january... I doubt she will be coming back
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