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Bipolar & Hypersexuality (Page 1)

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Hi everyone. Smile

i'm not in a cheery mood today. My husband is bipolar and has hypersexuality. I hope that's what its called. Lol. Anywho, he is constantly on me about having sex and i'm extremely frustrated. Its like he doesn't care if i'm so sore that I just can't do it or if i'm not, that i'm just not in the mood. We've talked about all sorts of ways to help calm him down. He's told me that I could say "no" nicely. Caress his ear or just cuddle. To be quite honest, I just got up about an hour ago, he took our kids to school, came home and was at me about sex. I told him no and he said "f* you."

we got into a huge fight over this two days ago, talked about it, he regretted being so pushy and all and now all the sudden, it's happened again. I do love him and I am willing to work on this with him but when this happens, I just feel so lost, confused, and like he just doesn't care about how i'm feeling.

His doc gave him clonidine to help control it a year ago and it worked for about a week. Since then, nothing has changed. The clonidine doesn't work and I don't think there are other meds that might help him.
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First Helper speedy1969
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replied December 10th, 2004
I've got this disorder good luck!
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replied December 13th, 2004
Hello--i have bi-polar (i'm female) and when I get like that (fortunately my husband "always" wants sex also and he isn't bi-polar-just a sex p_g)(i think guys more than women tend to want sex more frequently) but what I do to help calm me down is I go jogging, work out, clean, basically put my "energy" into something productive instead of fighting.I would also think that his meds. Need to be checked, maybe the dose needs to be increased when he is like that--basically having a manic episode (which is the time we have our hypersexuality feelings)i take seroqual anywhere up to 300mg. And believe me--noway will he want sex after taking this med. You do become tolerant of these types of medications, and you can't drive or do difficult important cognitive thinking, that is why I only take it when I become hypermanic (as oppose too hypomanic)(and there is a big difference between them). You need to let him know (at a time he's not asking for sex) that he needs to have is meds. Reviewed/changed. Tell him how much it hurts you, and how far away from him it makes you feel. It must be very difficult --your situation. I would also suggest a support group in your area. Maybe here in this forum you've found one--i hope you have. Good luck
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replied November 6th, 2005
Re: Bipolar & Hypersexuality
caligurl wrote:
hi everyone. :)

i'm not in a cheery mood today. My husband is bipolar and has hypersexuality. I hope that's what its called. Lol. Anywho, he is constantly on me about having sex and i'm extremely frustrated. Its like he doesn't care if i'm so sore that I just can't do it or if i'm not, that i'm just not in the mood. We've talked about all sorts of ways to help calm him down. He's told me that I could say "no" nicely. Caress his ear or just cuddle. To be quite honest, I just got up about an hour ago, he took our kids to school, came home and was at me about sex. I told him no and he said "f* you."

we got into a huge fight over this two days ago, talked about it, he regretted being so pushy and all and now all the sudden, it's happened again. I do love him and I am willing to work on this with him but when this happens, I just feel so lost, confused, and like he just doesn't care about how i'm feeling.


His doc gave him clonidine to help control it a year ago and it worked for about a week. Since then, nothing has changed. The clonidine doesn't work and I don't think there are other meds that might help him.




the hypersexual thing is part of a manic episode... He could just spiral over the top , really he should be on seroquel to keep him grounded.. At least it worked for me ,

ps the hypersexual thing really is not that great for him because he can never get enough sex in that manic state .. At least I couldnt... (my hubby loved it)... But for me the dellusions and paranoia come with the hypersexual state so it is not great

he should talk to his pdoc about meds if he is like that
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replied November 10th, 2005
Experienced User
Re: Bipolar & Hypersexuality
poetprose wrote:
caligurl wrote:
hi everyone. :)

i'm not in a cheery mood today. My husband is bipolar and has hypersexuality. I hope that's what its called. Lol. Anywho, he is constantly on me about having sex and i'm extremely frustrated. Its like he doesn't care if i'm so sore that I just can't do it or if i'm not, that i'm just not in the mood. We've talked about all sorts of ways to help calm him down. He's told me that I could say "no" nicely. Caress his ear or just cuddle. To be quite honest, I just got up about an hour ago, he took our kids to school, came home and was at me about sex. I told him no and he said "f* you."

we got into a huge fight over this two days ago, talked about it, he regretted being so pushy and all and now all the sudden, it's happened again. I do love him and I am willing to work on this with him but when this happens, I just feel so lost, confused, and like he just doesn't care about how i'm feeling.



His doc gave him clonidine to help control it a year ago and it worked for about a week. Since then, nothing has changed. The clonidine doesn't work and I don't think there are other meds that might help him.




the hypersexual thing is part of a manic episode... He could just spiral over the top , really he should be on seroquel to keep him grounded.. At least it worked for me ,

ps the hypersexual thing really is not that great for him because he can never get enough sex in that manic state .. At least I couldnt... (my hubby loved it)... But for me the dellusions and paranoia come with the hypersexual state so it is not great

he should talk to his pdoc about meds if he is like that



ditto I also agree. Being hyersexual is a sign of mania. That one way you can tell if i'm going in to mania or not.
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replied April 26th, 2011
I'm female and married and have hypersexuality
I'm female and have hypersexuality. The main problem we face is that it is getting worse with age and my husband is 10 years older than me. I am 42. He understands my problem. Let me help you understand what your husband is dealing with - here's what happens to me: As soon as I wake up in the morning, fantasies begin to play in my head as if a movie were playing - it's like I can create them with no effort at all and I can visualize it as if it is happening then and there. I cannot stop it. I become extremely aroused and am SOL because my husband has to get to work. If it's a Saturday, we will stay in bed for quite a while. I climax at least 4-6 times to his 1. I only stay satisfied until about noon. At my husband's age, it's just not going to happen so I tried to hide it. But I am very frustrated. That night we will have sex again, repeating the pattern of multiple orgasms. Except I will not be satisfied until I have been in several different positions and he has been able to have a second "go-round". I wake up in the middle of the night and sometimes cry in frustration, wishing he were awake or able to have sex with me. The worst part about it is that I make my husband, as wonderful as he is, feel like he doesn't do enough. I want so badly not to do that. But in the throes of sexual need, I know I do it. He is very understanding though. Another bad part is when I am not manic. Our sex lives are probably about what other people's are normally. I wouldn't know. But I'm irritable and ill as a cat a lot of the time. And again, I make him feel like he can't do enough. But I love him so much. This is the point of view of the person who has this disease. Your husband or spouse is helpless to a lot of this. They don't want to hurt you.
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replied October 14th, 2007
Hypersexuality
I'm bipolar and been going through some hypersexuality for several weeks now. I was just walking around the trail and it seemed impossible to get sexual thoughts out of my mind. Of course there are many beautiful young women in running outfits so it is easy to focus on the sexual thoughts. I focused on my steps and needed to count them aloud (quietly) to fill my mind with the walking and numbers.

I am single and there are ways to have sex with people nowadays that are quite easy - through the internet. But I am not promiscuous and have not done anything like that, even without the internet, except when drunk. And I have been sober for a long time. What I end up doing is relieving the feeling I'm having and I will take about .25mg of clonazepam to bring me down a bit. I had thought I needed to take more of my clonazepam as I have not being taking it as much recently.

So I think in the case of your husband - caligurl - if he did take the drug he would be "calmer," and perhaps you could encourage him to get relief but within the confines of your marriage. I hope that helps.

So, that's my little report.
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replied October 14th, 2007
Re: Hypersexuality - Response to Caligurl
[quote="scyzner"]I'm bipolar and been going through some hypersexuality for several weeks now. I was just walking around the trail and it seemed impossible to get sexual thoughts out of my mind. Of course there are many beautiful young women in running outfits so it is easy to focus on the sexual thoughts. I focused on my steps and needed to count them aloud (quietly) to fill my mind with the walking and numbers.

I am single and there are ways to have sex with people nowadays that are quite easy - through the internet. But I am not promiscuous and have not done anything like that, even without the internet, except when drunk. And I have been sober for a long time. What I end up doing is relieving the feeling I'm having and I will take about .25mg of clonazepam to bring me down a bit. I had thought I needed to take more of my clonazepam as I have not being taking it as much recently.

So I think in the case of your husband - caligurl - if he did take the drug he would be "calmer," but it sounds like his dosage isn't quite right and maybe it's not the right drug, and also perhaps his mood stabilizers are out of whack. Occasionally they stop working as well - a second opinion might be a good thing. And perhaps you could encourage him to get relief but within the confines of your marriage and without your participation if you don't feel like it. I hope that helps.
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replied November 2nd, 2007
Experienced User
Yeah, I agree...mania/hypomania that is not being adequately controlled. You did not say what meds he is on ( i mean the full list.) But if he is not on at least a mood stabilizer adn an atypical antipsychotic (someone mentioned Seroquel--GREAT drug), he probably should be. AND sometimes teh Dr will increase one or the other when this type of thing happens. HAVE HIM CAL HIS DR!!! lol..Because this is obviously putting stress on your relationship, and when he comes down, he will probably be better able to see that and agree that it's a good idea to head these episodes off at the pass.

In a crunch, though, there may be some non-intercourse options you can try that will make him happy and you not so unhappy.

Good luck
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replied November 2nd, 2007
Hypersexuality - Bipolar
Even though Seroquel may work for one as you know a particular med doesn't work for each person. I hate the anti-psychotics - I feel like people on Thorazine once looked and never take them. So I would not say "he should be on ______________ " but rather he should see his shrink.
Steven
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replied November 2nd, 2007
Experienced User
LOL...I was simply talking about the sort of normal convention at this point of using the atypicals to help stabilize mood. It helps many people. Of course not everyone will end up on the same regimen...I do hope, however, that you would agreee that his hypomania is NOt under control, and he should consult his Dr to see if they can achieve BETTER control somewhow when these episodes hit so as to reduce the stress on the realtionship.

Take care
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replied December 28th, 2007
Hypersexuality And Bipolar Disorder
In my humble opinion, this is not an issue about bipolar nor hypersexuality. This is about a man who, when he doesn't get what he wants, resorts to abusive behavior. My guess is that it is not limited to the sexual arena, but is a destructive behavior that has bled into all areas of this relationship. You both need counseling, him specifically to learn how better to express his needs and frustrations. I wouldn't want to have sex with anyone who is abusive. Trust your feelings.
kara
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replied May 3rd, 2009
Hypersexuality-Bi-polar
My husband was diagnosed w/ bi-polar 10 years ago. There were constant episodes w/ infidelity issues and schizophrenic episodes that I had done some gross wrong to warrant him deserting his family for several weeks at a time and returning home w/ no explanation of what had happened or where he had been.He was usually severely depressed when he finally came back.It was like a movie you saw over and over that he played out in his minds' reality. Lithium was the drug (in smaller doses, 450 mg 2 x daily) that finally put the episodes to rest. He rejected the treatment within a month the first time that it was prescribed to him,(8 years ago) with excuses like 'he didn't like the way it msde him feel', and 'reduced sexual drive',but when we finally lost our home to his disease, and started over in a new location, he picked up the lithium treatment again through VA, and the episodes lessened frequency and we have gone for over a year w/o a major episode. I never put my guard down, but I am a firm believer in lithium in smaller doses. Antidepressants are too much of a crap shoot, and can cause major side effects (or suicide)when trying to find the magic cure. To my bi-polar husband and bour marriage, low dose lithium has been a miracle.I am a firm believer in lithium as the drug of choice in he treatment of bi polar disorder.
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replied May 24th, 2009
Sounds like my life
My boyfriend is bipolar, won't take his meds and a few months ago we found out we're pregnant! boy has that made stuff hit the fan! He has been absouetly demanding about sex. Even left out condoms for me to find to say to me, incase I got laid, since you never want to F me!! that was on Mother's Day while I was 10 weeks pregnant. I think I got a deal breaker here, we either get some help or it's over, I can't put up with it anymore!
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replied September 24th, 2009
Just a side note...I think you stated that you have been doing your part by giving in until you are so sore you can't go anymore. Cudos to you. My wife just rations it out, kind of like she's in-charge of that single need of mine. In my mind, it is not near enough to satisfy the crave I desire. So, what am I supposed to do? Well, I could talk with her, and tell her that it is currently just part of the Bipolar, and that she should fell lucky that I am not going out and getting it from everything with two legs. There are other things she could do, that doesn't involve intercourse. There are all kinds of quick ways she could get me off, like hand jobs, etc...She could even wear rubber gloves so she would not have to get dirty. (Again, I apologize about being so graphic.)
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replied September 24th, 2009
I forgot something in my last post.....I am not the type of guy that would have my wife just get me off, and that would be the end. It would be mutual....I would make sure she climaxed every time. There has to be something in it for her....
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replied July 20th, 2010
I have been going through the same thing with my husband. He has been diagnosed as bipolar. we've been married for 12 years and when we were much younger and without children his hypersexuality didn't bother me so much. he wants to have sex every night without fail and even more if he can. I just feel overwehlmed and quite frankly it's just not as exciting when sex is expected or demanded every day. we've had countless arguements and problems in our relationship from all of this. he seems to think I'm the one with a low sex drive. I am not sure how to handle this situation anymore, I love my husband very much but i also have myself to be concerned with and my feelings.
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replied July 20th, 2010
I have been going through the same thing with my husband. He has been diagnosed as bipolar. we've been married for 12 years and when we were much younger and without children his hypersexuality didn't bother me so much. he wants to have sex every night without fail and even more if he can. I just feel overwehlmed and quite frankly it's just not as exciting when sex is expected or demanded every day. we've had countless arguements and problems in our relationship from all of this. he seems to think I'm the one with a low sex drive. I am not sure how to handle this situation anymore, I love my husband very much but i also have myself to be concerned with and my feelings.
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replied April 3rd, 2011
Married to someone with bipolar
I am in the same boat, except we've been married for 9 years. We have intercourse once a month and it just isn't enough for him. I told him that I'm not in the mood all the time but if him getting "laid" will keep the peace then I can give him that. (not exact words). He doesn't agree with that, he wants to have sex at least twice a week and have me in the mood or it's just not worth it. He feels that I'm not attracted to him at all. I am very attracted to him physically, just not mentally all the time because of his mood swings.
On the other hand, he says that he will be patient and wait for my libido levels to come up.
We went to marriage councelling for a few months and I thought things were on the mend. Now I'm feeling like it was a waste of time. We were both supposed to continue with our own councelling, I did my time and signed up for more but he went to two sessions and now says that he knows what his issues are and doesn't need any more. I'm the one that needs it. We have four kids between the two of us. A big part of me wants this marriage to work and part of me wants to walk.
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replied April 3rd, 2011
married to hypersexual bipolar
Wow, I read your post and felt like I was reading my own posting. I too have been married for nine years. I also felt my husband was using me for sex in order to "medicate" his problems. And while i was attracted to him physically, mentally and emotionally i just felt used and confused. The paranoia I think is what hurt me the most. I have always stood by him and tried to help him think through his paranoid thoughts. I have put up with more than any sane woman would. The last straw was him cheating on me while i was in med school. I offered for us to go to marital counselling, he says no. He said he did not wnat to put the time and energy that he knew was required to fix the relationship. So thats it. Me and my child are not worth the energy...because i cant keep up wiht his sexual demands. Because...I am the problem, "if you just give me what I need we could have a good marriage" he says. Not ONCE in nine years did he ever ask me what I needed. Its hurting me to think my family will no longer be a unit. But if I am honest with myself, I know a part of me was dying in this relationship. Maybe if you think about it, you will discover the same. I go home in 19 days, sometime thereafter, we have to go to a mediator to discuss the terms of the divorce. I am sorry for what is happening to you, but you are not alone. I always thought i was alone, till i started reading about this condition. If you want to email me you can .
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replied July 21st, 2010
I reply again, just wanted to add a few things. I'm the Bipolar one in my relationship, and last summer I was hot and heavy in a manic episode. I get hypersexual to the "n"th degree. I would literally want to f*&^ anything with two legs. I was putting ads out on Craig's List for women to consider being my friend with benefits. I was pathetic. My wife has realized that it is part of Bipolar mania, and accommodates a little bit more. With her and I, I was the schedules clashing, but we found time to at least keep it down to a low roar.

Now, about the meds. His meds do need reviewed or changed. I am not real familiar with Seroquel, other than the fact that it makes me very sleepy. My regimen still is a work in progress, and I still get both ends of the pole.

Hope my dissertation helped a little.
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replied July 22nd, 2010
My husband is bipolar and his diagnosis came about because of his sex addiction. Instead of getting it from me, he was a compulsive porn watcher and self-pleasurer. It really caused a lot of problems in our marriage even before the diagnosis because we would be having sex maybe once every couple of months because he was too busy with his porn. He also communicated w/ people advertising on craigslist for friends w/ benefits and others posting about massages.

He also engaged in what I considered to be embarrassing behavior - grabbing my breasts in public. Pretending to unzip my pants. He said I was just a prude.

About a month ago (2yrs post diagnosis when he came home w/herpes)we started to have it much more frequently (2-3x's a week). Now he decides he feels nothing for me and can't even stand to kiss me. I realize now last month was him going into a manic state (even though he denies he is bipolar, let alone that he is manic).
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replied October 1st, 2010
I've been medicated for bipolar disorder for years, and they're now taking me off of my mood stabiliser as it's made my sodium dangerously low. They're weaning me off the oxcarbazapine and slowly adding in Seroquel, but I have been in a pretty much constant state of hypersexuality since the process has begun. My poor husband can't keep up. I'm fighting like crazy to behave myself - I just CAN'T cheat on him, I CAN'T - but I am terrified I'm going to screw up. It's so incredibly difficult right now. I am seeing the doc next week - the soonest I could get an appointment - but I'm terrified I won't make it that long.

I have to say it's enormously comforting knowing that it's not just me having this problem - I thought I was just a bad person.
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