Hello. I'm a 28 year old alcoholic woman. My addiction has progressed since I was 16. I've been in legal trouble due to my use several times. I met a wonderful man in a recovery program when I was 18. We moved in together a few months later and married 4 years ago. We've both gone back to using since treatment. We're very much in love. The downfall is we enable, feed off of, and depend upon each other. I'm sorry if this comes across as whining but I just need to pour it out somewhere. I'm terrified lately. I've pretty much detached myself from all reality other than him, drinking, doing the bare minimums to keep the house together, and holding a part time job. I do give myself credit for that. I've been diagnosed as ocd, social anxiety disorder, and alcoholic/addict. I don't know if any other diagnosis than alcoholism is accurate. I realize that I need to make changes in my entire lifestyle to become healthy. I admit that i'm addicted. I know that my husband is also and I want to help him. He says that he's willing to stop with and for me. I want us to do it for our own lives and our life together, not depending on if the other is able or willing to. I don't know the proper steps to take. I don't know if i'm strong enough to overcome this. We've both been through outpatient and inpatient treatment multiple times. I really don't want to have to do that again for financial and legal reasons. I'm so scared. I have no friends or family who I feel right turning to. I know that it's an illness, but I also feel that most of it is self-inflicted and i'm embarassed because of that. I've known for years that i've got a problem. I just keep letting it progress. I could go on all night. This isn't even half of what's inside me but it sums up my predicament. I hope someone can understand and maybe suggest something.
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replied November 26th, 2004
Experienced User
Dear bottomingout,
don't give up, coming on this board shows me that you really want help. I know it is a disease, both a physical as well as mental. All members of my mothers family were alcoholics, including herself and sister and many others. Needless to say because of that plus mental illness predisposed in my family my sisters and I had and lived through a violent childhood. I forgave them and understand how you feel . My sisters and I don't drink. We broke the cycle. You need to attend aa meetings every night if necessary and talk to others who are now clean. They really understand what it is like. They can offer you the support you and your boyfriend need. I know you have tried before but good things take awile to happen. Have faith that you can do it and you might be able to lick it this time. You might also want to ask their advice about living with someone who is also an alcoholic as that can be detrimental for both of you. Reccommend that you both rent the film called "the days of wine and roses". It is about a couple in the same situation you are in-rent it and watch it.
Just a word too god can help you through this if you trust in him , honestly he can. Let me know how you are coming along. Live one minute at a time.
Yours in christ
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replied November 29th, 2004
Thank you so much for replying! It helps to know that others understand. I will take your advice to heart. I do think aa would be benefitial. I don't know if i'd be comfortable talking about my issues, but being around others who have the same illness will help. Again, thank you
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