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I Think I Need Serious Help!

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Hi im new to this!!Im 18, and ever since I was about 15, I so I have learned have suffered from an e.D, mostly bulimia, and sometimes ana. Ive lost loads of weight over the years and am losing more. I thought I had beaten it in my first year of college, but no, im my second year my bulim/ana came back to haunt me, and now I am starving myself then throwing up a normal meal, or if I know im gonna be alone, I have like a binge of a sandwhich or some biscuits. I even eat infront of people to show them theres nothing wrong and then throw up in bags and boxes and hide them till the morin so I can flush them away, or in the shower so no one can here. I know its disgusting and I hate myself for it. I want help, but at the same time I cant face it as I feel I will have let everyone down. This msg may seem rambled if thats even a word..Buts thats how I feel!!, but can someone talk to me or help me? And just explain what the hell I am doing to myself. I dont feel like me when im forcing my fingers down my throat! I try and tell myself in the end im gonna die,but I dont believe it!!! Grr!! Someone help!? Please reply? Jen Confused
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replied October 16th, 2004
Hi, let me tell u a story about myself. I am 17 and i've been having really wierd eating habits for about 6 months, then 3 months ago I discovered vomiting. I've been doing that for 2 months straight (1-6 times a day). I don't vomit anymore because I recovered from that by myself. However I continue to think that I need to lose weight and everything so I am doing the atkins diet. I used to feel the exact same way I used to hate myself for eating, for vomiting and after each purge my throat would hurt and my esophagus would sting and I would say that is it, I am eating healthy from now on, but it kept going and going. If you say you lost a lot of weight I am sure that you don't need to lose weight, but as a person with an eating disorder, our mind will always tell us we're ugly and fat. Let me tell u i've been on atkins for 3 days and I lost 1 pound. That makes me happy considering it took me 1 month to lose 1 pound with self induced vomiting. I know everyone always says diet is the healthiest thing yadayada but as much as I hate to admit it, its true!! I feel so much better, I am less depressed and I feel healthy. That is the best feeling. I would really advise you to go to a doctor and talk about your condition, doctors arent there to judge you, theyre there to help you. My bulimia still occurs, but very rarely (2 times per month or so). I know you can do it, you will feel much better and you will think why havent I done this earlier? Good luck with everything...Peace
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replied October 16th, 2004
Re: I Think I Need Serious Help!
jellybabyjen wrote:
hi im new to this!!Im 18, and ever since I was about 15, I so I have learned have suffered from an e.D, mostly bulimia, and sometimes ana. Ive lost loads of weight over the years and am losing more. I thought I had beaten it in my first year of college, but no, im my second year my bulim/ana came back to haunt me, and now I am starving myself then throwing up a normal meal, or if I know im gonna be alone, I have like a binge of a sandwhich or some biscuits. I even eat infront of people to show them theres nothing wrong and then throw up in bags and boxes and hide them till the morin so I can flush them away, or in the shower so no one can here. I know its disgusting and I hate myself for it. I want help, but at the same time I cant face it as I feel I will have let everyone down. This msg may seem rambled if thats even a word..Buts thats how I feel!!, but can someone talk to me or help me? And just explain what the hell I am doing to myself. I dont feel like me when im forcing my fingers down my throat! I try and tell myself in the end im gonna die,but I dont believe it!!! Grr!! Someone help!? Please reply? Jen Confused


well jen seems you got yourself stuck in a rut!!! You are sooooo young and beautiful you shouldn't have to feel that your beauty needs to come from that!!!! My friend had the same problem in highschool. I got soooooo bad that we all could not do anything to help her. Lesson # 1--- you can"t help anyone who cannot help themselves! It got to the point that she was in the hospital for almost a year battling the disease. I didn't talk to her for almost 4 months until I walked into the hospital to see her. And what do you think was the first thing I did??? I hugged her. No matter what she is my friend. I cried and cried. She says that that is one thing that made her better. She could not stand the feeling of hurting other people, even though all the real harm was to herself. In the long run today she helps out at clinics, and is currently in her third year of college for personal support worker/social worker. She does not only weigh about 100lbs.She weighs a beautiful 160lbs.!!!!! She feels better about herself and her life. She has one now instead of one that is hiding behind closed doors. The problems you are having are not a joke and I know that you know that. I think you just need a little direction in your life. You are sooo young. You have your whole life ahead of you. My advice in this situation.......And I know it is going to sound crazy... But talk to your mom. Mothers understand more about us the we know. I used to never get along with my mom when I was your age... But now she is my best friend. Her ears are there to listen to you. Not judge you. You just need to open up and actually ask for the help. You can do it. I have faith in you. Wink
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replied October 16th, 2004
Hi
I cant tell my closest friends let alone my mom. That is just a no no. I am stuck in a rut, and I do wanna stop, and I do know that healthy eating and excercise helps you lose weight, as thats how all this began, but I found if I skipped meals that helped too, then I thought, if I threw up the meals that I did eat then that would help, and it did, and then it just went downhill from there. I do a lot of excercise too! And I know it sounds odd, I hate people tellin me how much weight ive lost, but then it makes me more motivated to lose more! My doc is an idiot so I dnt want help from them, and im scared of help from anyone really, thats y I came on here. I do wanna stop, but I hate the way I look, and I dont wanna gain weight (as I know I prob would) if I stop, so I am stuck really. Im not depressed, I used to be when I was 15 and it all started, but I suppose this all became second nature as I grew up into a young adult, but it does make me unhappy doing this. I know it must be doing some damage as the other day I went bike riding (i was out for abotu 40mins dwn the woods) and on the way back I had this pain in my heart, and went all dizzy and nearly passed out!! And that scared me, but I still go out on my bike, and go running for hours! Ooh how confused does this sound! Reading other peoples messages makes me feel like I dnt have nefin wrong, as they have been in hospital and everything! Ooh someone talk to me!! As I feel this place is theonly place I can frealy talk openly about myself. And another thing, I did psychology as an a-level and studied all this and its never stopped me..How bizare!
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replied October 17th, 2004
Jen, I know how hard it is to talk to people especially your mom. If I ever told my parents, they would practically disown me. I remember mentioning an anorexic girl in my class to my mom and her best friend and they were saying thingslike she is just a crazy girl looking for attention. That is soo not true! I am still living with bulimia, I quit atkins and threw up this morning, its like I jinxed myself saying I was beginning a healthy lifestyle. I know how hard it is to be alone. I actually told one of my closest friends and she didn't say much except "you should stop doing it". I try and try to stop every day. I still do it, but like I said, I made a lot of progress. I know you can too. Keep posting to let us know how you are doing. I wish you all the best.
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replied October 17th, 2004
I Was Just Trying to Help
Ok... This is the deal. You can't expect to get ahead of your problem unless you ask someone for help. It is the hardest thing in the world and you have a long road ahead of you for recovery. If you think your mom will disown you, then you need seriously think about what you'll do to her in the long run if you don't tell her. She'll go crazy not understanding why you couldn't confide in her. And as for your doctor, just cause you think he's crazy doesn't mean he is not right. And if you don't like him....You do have a right to go and see another doc! You have so many options in today's society, and I don't think that your on the right path. Sitting here and talking about your problems is a step. But, you need to get help because this isn't going to go away. You feeling guilty isn't going to go away. You not thinking your beautiful isn't going to go away. As for you not even telling your best friends.... They are the one's that are going to hold your hand during those first few steps in the right direction. So can you do me a favour? When you post another reply, I want to see that you have made a step. Not still be sitting there saying that your life is hard. Because the only person that is making your life hard is yourself. Godd luck. :d
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replied December 14th, 2004
Re: I Was Just Trying to Help
sarah jane wrote:
ok... This is the deal. You can't expect to get ahead of your problem unless you ask someone for help. It is the hardest thing in the world and you have a long road ahead of you for recovery. If you think your mom will disown you, then you need seriously think about what you'll do to her in the long run if you don't tell her. She'll go crazy not understanding why you couldn't confide in her. And as for your doctor, just cause you think he's crazy doesn't mean he is not right. And if you don't like him....You do have a right to go and see another doc! You have so many options in today's society, and I don't think that your on the right path. Sitting here and talking about your problems is a step. But, you need to get help because this isn't going to go away. You feeling guilty isn't going to go away. You not thinking your beautiful isn't going to go away. As for you not even telling your best friends.... They are the one's that are going to hold your hand during those first few steps in the right direction. So can you do me a favour? When you post another reply, I want to see that you have made a step. Not still be sitting there saying that your life is hard. Because the only person that is making your life hard is yourself. Godd luck. :d


where can I get help? It's going to be weird by just walking into a hospital or like a clinic..I thought about going to to health center at school..But then I don't want everyone to find out that i'm a bulimic.....Any suggestions?
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replied December 14th, 2004
Well I would just even start by going to your local library and looking up some info on the topic then seeing what your closest resources are. Also, I know that going into a hospital and saying that you need help might be a little weird, but when you do it, it will be a weight lifted off your shoulders! And trust me, they will open you with open arms!!! These people are there to help you get better, not look down upon you. They will help you have higher spirits and a better outlook on life in general. If anyone judges you, then you know that the people that don't really care. You find out who your true friends are by asking for help. But don't take it personally if they can't help you in the beginning. It's as long as they are there in the end. Good luck with you adventure. It will be a long road to recovery, but you can do it. I believe in you. And as long as you have one person believeing that is all that matters. So keep me posted!!! Take care of yourself, and keep heading in the right direction! I can tell you will succeed! :d Exclamation Wink








where can I get help? It's going to be weird by just walking into a hospital or like a clinic..I thought about going to to health center at school..But then I don't want everyone to find out that i'm a bulimic.....Any suggestions?[/quote]
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replied December 28th, 2004
Re: I Think I Need Serious Help!
Hey my name is kelsey and I am 14 and I am a bulimic sometimes I go days without throwing upo but then I have my bad days well what you are doing is ok I think you shouldnt feel bad u should feel ok about this I do im ok with it cause I no some day I will stop!! And other days I wanna die. No one understands me and I hate it my friends they never get it family thinks im doing this for attemetion they just dont understand how much I hurt inside :( well I g2g go throw up my dinner reply to me to plz I need soem one to understand me!!
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replied December 29th, 2004
Hi, I understand you completely. I used to be in the same mess. I'm 17 by the way and it's been 2 months since I stop throwing up. Let me tell you, the hardest part is getting used to it. Remember every time you tell yourself you will not throw up, you're a step closer towards recovery. I recovered on my own and have no urges of throwing up food anymore.

Good luck, happy holidays :)
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replied December 30th, 2004
Thanks
Hey thanks for replying to me god its just like I will never stop cause ive tried its just sooooo hard I have gained3 pounds and it sucks I dont no if today has been good or bad im not sure??? Well gtg bye
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replied February 1st, 2005
I think its not just stop trowing up to get a recovery. Its accepting what you eat. Because not trowing up its just as hard as keeping yourself from eating when you are in front of a table full of cookies, cakes, pasta, pizza...
Accept youserlf
love yousefl




mmm yea... As if that was so easy. I sound like my psychologyst haha
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