Hi.

I have boyfriend of almost five years and I love him to death but I just don't know what to do anymore. He says he is very sick and dying, but in the five years i've known him I have never really seen anything done about it. He says he has to have a surgery but is not strong enough to do so (but he never gets any stronger) and also that he can't have xrays b/c he had too many as a child. I never get to be involved in anything health related and he will never give me any real detail but it is the source of constant fights.

He is very jealous and does not like me hanging out with anyone but him (i am still in university, he just graduated). He also gets very mad for any little thing I do and goes crazy (i mean hitting his head on the wall, or swerving the car while he speeds around the city screaming, threatening to kill himself when I say I don't want to be around him anymore, or just plain telling me that he is going to die and it will be all my fault). He also calls me horrible names and tells me that the whole world hates me and that I am a slut ect. When he calms down he says that he didn't mean it and that it is only because he is sick and by fighting with his I am only making his much sicker so that he can't have the surgery.

I have told him on several occasions that he can't treat me this way, but if he is really dying and I leave him and he dies like he says, I don't think I could live with myself.. I love him so very much and he refuses any kind of help or ideas to improve things to the point where me bringing it up just starts more arguments. What can I do to help him get healthy and stop this madness?
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replied October 24th, 2004
Experienced User
It sounds to me that his uses this "sickness" as an excuse to treat you like crap. Honestly, after five years of him saying he's too sick to get help, I would sit down and make him tell me what was wrong. If he's not even willing to tell you what it is that's making him sick, then maybe, just maybe, he's really not. I'm not sure what the whole x-ray thing could be about, because as far as I know, there's no such thing as 'too many'. My mom has been havng several x-rays a year for the last 18 years or so, and it's never caused her any problems. It sounds as if he's trying to make you feel sorry for him so that you won't leave. You should consider whether you want to be stuck in a relationship with someone like that.

Daile

ps-if you leave, and he dies, it is not your fault!!
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replied May 27th, 2005
He sounds like he is really bsing you and you are believing him. Get away from him before he does damage to your mental stability.
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replied June 15th, 2005
Experienced User
Get away from him. As fast and as far as possible.
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replied September 13th, 2005
Run Fast
If he cant tell you what is wrong with him and he doesnt go for help you cant help him and nothing is your fault. Maybe he is just telling you that he is sick so that you will stay and take care of him? I dont understand about the x-rays either that is unheard of. Take care of yourself and dont let him bring you down. You have your own life to live and there are plenty of men in the world. After 5 years you should of known what his illness is, I wouldnt take this if I were you. You deserve so much more!!!!!!

Take care and find out what is going on with him.

Lisa
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