Medical Questions > Mental Health > Anxiety and Stress Forum

I Need to Relax But Don't Know How!

In therapy this summer, I came to the conclusion that I need to give myself permission to have down time and to relax. This is hard, because when I have down time, my mind begins racing about all the things I should be doing. I've tried to replace the word "should" with "can," and give myself options rather than requirements, but that's a really hard thing to follow through with, especially when I have responsibilities of coursework, a course i'm teaching, my own goals as a singer, a social life, an apartment to tend to, and a long distance relationship to care for.

My question is this -- what has worked for you to allow yourself to relax into relaxation, and let all the "stuff" go? I feel like I need a hobby, but I also feel like I don't have time!

I'm deeply perfectionistic, and that finds itself being the worst in my coursework. I had a prof the other day tell me, "do 'b' level work for me, would you?" trouble is, I don't know how. Advice?????

I know this is vague, but if this strikes a chord in you, please reply!

Peace and blessings!
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 7th, 2004
Experienced User
Are you my twin Exclamation Question my poor kids couldnt even take out their toys before I would start putting them away. If I wasnt cleaning I was rearanging things. I wouldnt be able to leave the house without the beds made or I would be panicking. Therapy and meds helped I was on paxil, went off to have a baby. So its back. I use a breathing tecnique when I feel those anxious feelings come on. Breathe through your nose for 2 to 3 seconds slowly, and exhale through your mouth the same way. Do this a few times. Good luck Wink
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 9th, 2004
Well this thread hit home for me. I've drivin myself practically nuts with my perfectionism. It changed for me when the babies came.
I had to choose between them growing up ok or in total misery.

I began to utilize the breathing techniques I learned in my lamaze classes. Having to focus on something other than everything around me that was wrong allowed me to get my mind onto something else other than pick up, sweep out, wash down, put away... Sad

someone was once bold enough to tell me that I correct the outward things in an effort to ignore the inwards things that needed some attention.

Not sure if that's true for everyone but for me it was. I took those words to heart. I believe one of the secrets to a succesful life is to know yourself.
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 26th, 2009
Need to Relax
I am not a perfectionist but I can relate to the need to relax as I used to work in a very stressful television station. It was toxic environment, I have found a post at that is very peaceful and relaxing. They sell a dvd but even the little promo helps. And the by the way the dvd is well worth it.
Did you find this post helpful?

replied October 27th, 2009
Help for Anxiety, Anhedonia, Depression and Depersonalization
Well, I can relate to all of this, but my anxiety has been with me 24/7 really severely affecting my whole life that is due to something wrong with my adrenal glands and chemicals the brain needs to function right, so for me I haven't found the solution to even coming close to knowing what it is to relax and for my muscles not to hurt because they are so tight all day every day and night. This also causes or goes along with chronic severe insomnia (I am writing this at 6:25 a.m. and never went to bed )because my nervous system is so wired I cannot sleep or even rest and I have lived this way my whole life I think. I suffer from extreme lack of feeling anything good at all, or anything bad my brain doesn't know the difference. I have lived out of my body or in a depersonalized state which is like you don't exist, you cannot connect to the world outside or to yourself inside and cannot be close to others or feel anything. YOu feel like you live in a glass world that is separate from the rest of the world. I also have very strong anhedonia, dysthymia, and some form of derealization and when it comes with the depersonalization at the same time it is the most horrifying thing to ever have happen to your brain and it doesn't go away or hasn't for me. I would like to offer hope to anyone who has any or many of these disorders in that for me I have found out that I my body and mind are very toxic and my immune system is very poor in function. The toxicity comes from all the junk we eat, breathe, and even in medications and cosmetics and all kinds of things that are bad for us. The main toxicity for most people is from metals like Mercury, Aluminum and Copper, this is the whole underlying cause of everything I have mentioned and much more such as severe, chronic allergies to everything, very bad asthma and broncial infections as well as ear and throat infections, especially yeast infections, (caused by the main illness called CANDIDA) which I can discuss more later, but CANDIDA alone can cause your whole body to be very ill and your brain to be very ill also (caused by the toxicity but also CANDIDA ads more toxicity. Then I have very bad functioning of all my glands and hormones that are supposed to be regulated by the brain and are also a main cause of a lot of mental breakdown and suffering. I also have problems with my spine, back and neck , abnormal digestion and severe problems with my intestines and this causes me to be bloated have severe gas pain, horrible smelling gas and bowel movements that don't look normal at all, etc. My tongue and mouth are full of a thick white junk called thrush, which is from the CANDIDA (also means fungus)I have horrible skin problems and it ages you far beyond what you should be. My hair falls out by the handfuls daily all day long. There are more symptoms but you can see how ill a person can get and the underlying cause of all of it actually is TOXICITY from all kinds of poisons in our food, water and air and especially from metal poisoning or toxicity. This may not be true for everyone, but going to a naturopathic or holistic practicing doctor NMDs and getting a work up will give you a good idea if your mental problems are coming from any of what I have said here. The first place to start is to find one and have a hair analysis or urine test done for HEAVY METALS in your body, and a good doctor who specializes in healing all of your body and mind will be able to eliminate and cure many if not all of your symptoms and disorders.
I personally have found an excellent chiropractor who specializes in working to balance and cure your entire body and mind by using a process developed by a famous doctor named Andrew Weil, MD, he has been on Oprah and numerous TV shows and has written numerous books etc. She begins by slowing detoxifying your body and working to give you proper nutrition and cure your symptoms step by step using only natural therapies. I cannot say enough about this and If I had more money I would be cured by now, but because I live with so much illness, working is a big issue, therefore paying her is also, and this is NOT covered by insurance for the most part, some of it is though.

I am almost at the point where I can see her and follow the regimen she wants to put me on to begin getting well first by sleeping normally, then by calming my nervous system down and giving my body what it needs to heal. My biggest concern are the sleep and my brain and nervous system which go together to cause anxiety, depression and all the related disorders.

I hope this has touched someone or helped in some way.
Thanks for reading such a long posting

you become very deficient in nutrition and your mind and body basically deteriorate if you don't get help. I have been blessed to find several people here in TUcson, who practice natural healthcare and curing the whole person like Dr. Andrew Weil, famous for his work in healing illness. I found a chiropractor who follows a 10 step protocol (that Dr Weil developed to address every single area of your body and minds functioning
Did you find this post helpful?

replied December 4th, 2012
need to relax
If u can do anything to detox, I would recommend juicing. W ur doctors guidance of course. I truly believe all u say, the foods,air its all dirty...I suffer as well e multitude of issues. Thank you for having the courage to share. Good luck& Take care.
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 17th, 2010
I understand the challenges of anxiety

My spoken word album is helping many people to relax and be free from anxiety and insomnia

It's called YOU ARE THE HERO: Coaching and Affirmations
It's your portable coach for the mind, body and soul
Did you find this post helpful?
Must Read
Learn how doctors clinically diagnose one of twelve kinds of anxiety disorders...and which doctors you should see for an anxiety diagnosis....
Anxiety disorders can affect anyone. But do you know the common signs and symptoms of anxiety disorders? Learn more now....
Anxiety is a normal, healthy emotion when experienced during specific moments. But do you know the signs that anxiety has gotten out of control? Read more here...