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Need Some Honest Opinions Please!

Hi everyone! K im havin some kinda difficult situations we'll see if ya can help me with * first off, so all of you know, garret is 6 weeks because his age may matter in it* its a little long but please help!


1st prob: I want to date.. Because I do want to get into a relationship if it comes to me and 'settle down' or just meet someone worth while. . Well at the same time.. Do you think its too soon? Im not sure. Because if I end up with someone, or date, it leaves less time for garret and I already work full time. I mean I know I can have him with me , but not every single time on a date or when im with a guy ya know? I met this guy at work today, and I mean who knows what will happen but we went to lunch and he seems awesome and hes supposed to call tonite. What do you think ??? This guy has a 8 yr old son! Lol hes 26 but also had a kid at 18 and so far he seems awesome. I met him online the other day and he just so happened to work where I do! But even if I dont end up with him, just the dating situation in general.


2nd prob: I got in a fight with ryan (the dad) today.. And he called and wanted to pick up garret again (he did sunday for 3 hours) but I put him on hold to think about it because I just got home from work and didnt see him all day and I only have a few hours a day now.. So I came back and said ok but only for an hour or so and I asked what they were going to do.. Well he snapped at me and said he didnt need a reason and bla bla bla.. So I snapped back and said hes lucky to see him because he has no visitation rights yet and he didnt want the baby to begin with! So then he said nevermind forget it and hung up. I mean I dont want my son to not see his father.. So maybe I need to change my ways? But at the same time. I soooooo resent him from how he was during the pregnancy and how he acted and the terrible things he said about the baby..Plus, its only my 2nd day back to work. . What do u think about this? Sorry so long!
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replied August 31st, 2004
Community Volunteer
I think you should do what feels right.
I disagree with the idea that just because some guy donated his sperm to your baby he should have rights - only proper fathers should have any rights to kids, if they didn't do anything while you were pregnant then tough, if they wanted to be involved they had nine months to do something about it.
As for dating, well if the right come comes along he won't mind garrett being around and if you have to cancel a date cuz garrett is sick or something he'll be real nice and say don't worry and bring you take out and come round and help you out Wink
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replied August 31st, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
I dont think its a bad idea to date, but you have to keep in mind. That if garret is meeting all these guys and then they keep coming in and out of his life he is going to become very confused. So you need to think about that.

And as far as the father situation goes, I dont know what to tell you. He is garrets father and I am sure he loves him and wants to be with him. So if you want garret to know his father you should let him spend time with him. But if he is gonna be a jerk about...Just be like go away. Haha

he dosent have to see him...
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replied August 31st, 2004
Especially eHealthy
Hey
Ok. Problem 1: huni, if it feels like the right time to date..... Go for it. You'll have to learn how to juggle, work, motherhood, and dating. But everyone deserves some "me" time. And if you want to date, it doesn't make you a bad mother as long as garret doesn't get pushed away for some man, which I know will never be a problem with you! So I say go for it!
As for ryan.... Well, I am not a forgiving person so I think that you have a right to be very angry at all the things he did to you while you were preggy. I mean, he didn't want garret nor did he even believe garret was his! So...... You do want him to see his daddy, but if you make it a little hard, it's ok! Ryan should have to work to see his child! I don't think you are wrong at all!
Love,
chanda
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replied August 31st, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
Ok the dating situation I say ease your way into it, it seems like you are on the right track with that, and as far as ryan goes you have a right to know where he is taking your son, he could runaway to mexico or something. So if he said forget it cuz you wanna know where your son is going to be when he his with him, then forget it dont let him take garret.
Meagan
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replied August 31st, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
Yeah there is nothing to feel guilty about going out on a date with a guy. You should just go for it and make yourself feel good at the same time. As for ryan, I can only guess how you feel I would resent him having anything to do with him either. But I guess for garrets sake it's a good thing he is wanting to see him and spend time with him and bond...

Just one little step at a time, but start with getting that guy to ask you out and making you feel good and getting that confidence back........
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replied August 31st, 2004
Experienced User
I totally agree with everyone, I am also wanting to date again and kaelyn is 8 weeks but I have been feeling like that for a couple weeks now. I say go for it Exclamation and as for the father, I think that maybe u should allow him to come over ur place (if its ok with ur fam) to spend time with garrett so u can monitor how he does with him. But if he is going to be a jerk then forget about it but it does seem to me that he wants to be in his life. My baby's father was never there when I was pregnant and called maybe once a month but then all the sudden whens he was born boom he was there wanting to be stuck up my ass so I snapped at him and now he isn't there at all and sometimes I wonder if what I said chased him away and I feel bad because now I really want him there and he isn't, so if he is truly wanting to be there then I say let him but if it makes u more comfortable then see how he does with him in front of u.
Good luck hunni <3
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replied August 31st, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
Kari!!!

Ok as for dating, I think its healthy for you to date but dont go looking for a relationship right away....You might fall into the pattern of thinking everyone you meet is the right one, and dont put yourself or garrett through that heartache. But hey one date wont hurt!

As for *daddy* let him still see the lil one but really regulate how much time he gets with him, try to be with him when he sees garrett *if you can stand him of course* and yes he doesnt deserve any rights to him at all since he insisted on taking a d.N,a test. Hope things work out k?

Meg
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