Medical Questions > Pregnancy Forum > Teen Pregnancy Forum

Please Help Me.its Long But Please Help.

Hi everyone.. As many of u know... Ive had an eating disorder for years now (only a serious problem with it for about 2 1/2 yrs) delt with both anorexia and bulimia. Anyhow, while I was pregnant, I did very well for the most part until I got to about 8 months, then I started slipping again.. Well now garret is 4 weeks. I did good still the first 2 weeks he was here. But ive been slipping sence. Its so hard for me. I try 'dieting' because I want to finish loosing the preg weight, most of it is gone, but not all yet. A few more lbs to go. But dieting for me is too hard. I go overboard. It seems so easy just to eat normal healthy amounts, but for me its not, and it wont ever be. I once again have been counting calories like crazy. .I wont/cant eat food unless I make it myself (i fear/think other people will add butter or other fats) , I wont allow myself many 'normal' foods either.. And not sweets. And I have binged/purged now again a few times (on junk food) my doctor told me he feared and thought I would go back to how I was....I think I knew deep down, but I still want to fight it. I am eating enough calories still (safe diet calories) sometimes maybe a little under.. Between 1200-1,500 cals a day so I know im still okay. Its just that I know many of my eating habits are not normal, even if my calories arent low like they used to be...But my parents yelled at me today and are threatening me telling me if I go back to how I was before, they will take me to court to take garret away from me by saying im an unfit mother!! I know im not how I was before. I wont let myself get that way, and I wont let anyone take my son... I promised myself, and garret that. I need to try harder, and I am, but its so much harder then I thought it would be......I dont know what to do and my parents keep threatening me and its making things worse. I hope people dont lecture me. Believe me, I know I need to end this sh*t for myself and mostly my son.. And im trying.. But an eating disorder is so much more powerful then any of you can imagine (unless youve been in/ are in the same position)
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replied August 15th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
Well, kari im not really sure what to say. Im not going to lecture you because you know what youre doing and the consequences that could come of it. More then anything I think you just need our support and to rant a lil. I think you can help yourself more then any of us can help you over the computer. One thing I can maybe suggest if you keeping a journal/book, and in it put pictures of garret/and you and captions and stuff about how much and why you love him and reasons why you know what youre doing is bad for teh both of you and every time you want to do anything (purge, count calories, not eat regular food) look at it.. Also, dont expect to change overnight because its just oging to dissapoint you, little acheivements are great!! Keep us updated girl! I wish you the best!

<3
gaby
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replied August 15th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
Kari hun, I know its hard, but u have got to understand that u will lose the weight! It isnt going to just disappear! It takes a little time! At 6 weeks I still had 1 more pound to lose. Dont sweat it, you look great, and if u say you dont, you are calling me a liar, and that would piss me off because if there is one thing in the world that I am not, its a liar. I am a very honest person (sometimes brutal as meagan says) but I am that way for the good of myself and everyone else. And you arent eating enough calories at all! You should be eating at least 2000. I know I cant exactly understand where you are coming from, seeing as how I have always been naturally thin, but you need help. Counseling maybe. Because your parents can take garret away for that. You are being a danger to yourself, and when you jeopardize your safety, you also jeopardize garrets. And you say you wont let yourself get as bad as before, how do you know? You cant seem to control it now so what makes you think you can keep it from becoming worse? Huni I love u to death but you need to do something about this before you really regret it. I wish I could help you more but all I can say is that if you want to be the mother you should be then you need to get help and start taking care of yourself. I love you and I am here to talk!
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replied August 15th, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
Kari I kinda know how you are feeling. Even though I am not bulimic I have been through it with chris for 3 years. I cried, shouted , pleaded, threatened to leave him and nothing worked. I finally stood back and realised he would just go behind my back and keep it a secret if I kept going the way I was going. You have to be open about it with your parents, they have got to realise when to listen to you instead of hiding yourself away and dealing with all them feelings on your own. Firstly if you are truely willing to stop once and for all, then you have to start beliving you are worthy of yourself and the people around about you. Especially your little boy. Everytime you feel like binging or feel your slipping, then grab a hold of someone to support you and talk too. Sit your mom and dad down and take control tell them how you are feeling and what u need from them.
first things first you have to go to your doctor, it will be hard but there is nothing to be ashamed about, your not abnormal. She will advise you on getting some counselling. You know it's kinda nice to have someone who is impartial in your life to sit down with you and try work out the differant things in your head and make sense of them. Rome wasent built in a day so dont be too hard on yourself if things dont come together quick enough.
Hope I managed to help a lil bit, you can email me anytime you want

love sooz
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replied August 15th, 2004
Especially eHealthy
Hey
Chrissy said it for me. I feel the same way. Huni, you have to do something, because yes, it is possible for them to take garret and there won't be much you can do about it. Think about some help huni. You cannot fight this battle alone!
I love you.
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replied August 15th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
This is gonna be a fight huni but your little man's worth it-do it for him if not yourself.Get all the help & support you can for doctors,counsellors etc and know that we will all always be here for you. It will be a very hard thing to do but I have every faith that you will come out ok the other end.Please do see a doctor though-i think this is the essential first step
liz x
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replied August 15th, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
Thanks alot girls. I know, I need to quit while im ahead. I just kept slipping.. And I look in the mirror and I loose the control, I hate how I look right now. Honestly tho ive never been fat or anything. Or even chubby, so inside, I know im not actually big like I feel and look to myself most the time. Actually krissy (for the new ones, krissy is kissybai) I have the exact same stats as you I believe. Its just for some reason I cant ever be satisfied. But I know I need to put garret first, and that means getting myself and keeping myself well for him. I ate a normal dinner today...Well I still counted but it was healthy and all. And I tried and ate a peice of junk food (ice cream sandwich) without bingeing (normally eating sweets leads me to bingeing and purging) but I did neither so thats a good step for me. I know 1,500 cals isnt normal, but its healthy 'diet' cals I mean. Thats considered a diet. I just hate my parents threatening. I know im not how I was before, they know it too, (i was bad before and hospitalized)i do still have my level head though, and I know and I wont restrict or go under those calories. I would see a councler.. But ive seen 3 for this and sad to say, none helped. One lady was decent, but unfortunatly my insurance wont cover for me to see her (only certain counclers)anyhow and without insurance its like 100$ a visit! I think its something I kinda have to do myself...I feel like talking to friends helps way more then counclers. I did good for a while. I just need to kee working I guess. I am going to write out some things and im promising myself, and you guys I wont go under those calories. Even tho its diet calories, my doctor told me as long as im eating 1,500 cals a day then I was alright and healthy. I need to work on my habits tho, their not normal. I cant wait till hopefully one day I will be normal about food.. And be able to enjoy desert without bingeing and without the feelings of guilt...And be able to eat all my meals throughout the day without counting the calories first.. It sounds too good! Thanks again tho girls I feel more confident already~
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replied August 15th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
Those are great goals to have kari, and if you work at them im sure it will happen!! =) but be strict about it, because you dont want garret to be taken from you, and dont think "that wont happen, my parents wont do that to me" because they may, and then youll regret everything! Good luck girlie. Were always here for you!

<3
gaby
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replied August 15th, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
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replied August 15th, 2004
Active User, very eHealthy
Hey shauna I think you and kari would make great support buddies.
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