I've been dating this guy for a few weeks. Our first few dates were wonderful. It was almost like I was in some sort of fairy tale. He's a very fun, funny, and interesting guy and he was treating me like a princess. He was always cuddling with me, kissing me, and telling me sweet things. He was being way more romantic than most guys are. Things were moving a little bit too fast. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said I'd say yes when I am ready. I was hoping he'd ask again later, because I do want to be his girlfriend but I don't want to rush things. We have a TON of chemistry but I didn't feel like I know him well enough to be in a relationship. After this happened, we talked for a week and towards the end of the week, he told me online that he was worried that his feelings weren't getting any stronger. I was thinking to myself.. well duh.. we've only been dating a few weeks so I don't think they would get that much stronger anyways. I think he was worried that I was getting too attached too fast or something. I do like him a lot but I'm not in love or anything. He told me he hasn't been good to me and that he doesn't deserve me. I thought he was going to dump me and I was so sad. I tried calling him and he said he doesn't like talking on the phone, and he didn't answer. Well we saw each other the next day and he wasn't being affectionate like he normally is. We went out with some of his friends and he seemed happy that day. He was talking and laughing a lot with his friends. But when his friends left, he started to get quiet again. I felt like it was forced. I would have to hold his hand and I would have to kiss him, and I didn't get the feeling that he even wanted me to kiss him. I'm okay with not being affectionate all the time. That's perfectly fine. It is confusing though that someone would be super super affectionate and then stop. It makes me worry that things will never go back to the way they were. Now he's not even trying to communicate with me or anything. If I say 'hi' online, he will respond, and we'll have some super short conversation where I'll ask how he's doing and he'll just say that he's good. That's about as far as the conversation goes. It's almost like he's not even trying anymore with me. Its the complete opposite of how things were before.

Here are some interesting things about him that I've noticed. Yes, I know I'm overanalyzing, but some of these things make me believe that he might be bipolar and that it might just be the disorder causing all of this. He keeps reassuring me that he hasn't lost interest in me. I haven't asked him since the last time I saw him though.. and I'm not going to keep asking him because I don't want him to think I'm paranoid. I do have anxiety issues... but it seems reasonable that I would wonder why he is being this way all of a sudden. Wouldn't anyone wonder?

Here's how it was at first:
1. He came on REALLY strong when we first started dating. He was ALWAYS IMing me.. and when I wasn't online, he would text me.
2. He was extremely sexual.. to the point where he was getting a bit pushy about it. He would still try to feel me up even when I hesitated or backed out. I had never met anyone so horny in my life. Normally I would think that it was all he wanted, but he seemed so sweet and sincere to me that I didn't care much. He seemed to be really interested in rough play. As I said.. he can be really sexual.
3. He was extremely playful. He wouldn't stop tickling me.
4. He was really patient and understanding that I was scared to move things too quickly.. because the last time I did that, I ended up getting my heart broken by a guy who came on way too fast and just disappeared. He told me that things would be different and that he would never do that.
5. He told me he's had a history of depression but he doesn't really talk about it. I was actually really suprised to find this out because he never mentioned anything depressing to me. He told me he was in a slump though, even though it wasn't obvious.
6. He seems pretty broke and doesn't have a job. I'm not trying to insult him in any way over not having a job or a lot of money. Its not something I care about. This is just one of the things that I read is common with people who have bp.
7. He told me hes really messy at home.
8. He has trouble sleeping and takes sleeping pills. I heard this is common in people with bp.
9. He sometimes has blurted out crazy ideas like ideas to run away. I think he was just kidding, but its funny how he would randomly come up with this stuff.
10. After he stopped being affectionate, he stopped being sexual too and he hasn't mentioned anything sexual at all. He didn't even respond to my advances.
11. He doesn't talk to me anymore. I'm not needy and I can go a long time without talking to him without caring much, BUT it will still make me wonder why there's a change in attitude all of a sudden.
12. One time he told me that he wouldn't break up with me no matter how miserable he gets. I didn't know if he meant miserable in the relationship or just miserable in general.

I would normally think that he is just not that interested in me, but he told me that he would surely tell me if his feelings were to change or something. This week I tried not to think about him much. I'm just leaving him alone. I don't want to burden him at all. Aside from all the other stuff.. he is my kind of guy and I would prefer to go through this weird stuff than find another guy who I don't like as much.. as long as things evntually go back to the way they were.
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replied February 28th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Wow, talk about making your head spin! He definitely is on again, off again Finnigan isn't he? It could be that he has bipolar disorder and has not had it diagnosed as such. He would need to see his psychiatrist and get an evaluation for that. Interesting that he has a history of depression, though. He sounds like he was a bit hypomanic in the beginning of the relationship and then things took a bit of a swing to the depressed side. This is just my opinion. It is not worth much. Your guy needs to get a professional diagnosis. All you can do is be there for him when he comes out of his slump. Perhaps at some point you will have enough trust built up in the relationship to bring up going to the doctor to be evaluated for bipolar disorder. Right now all you can do is be there for him and take it as it comes.
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replied June 28th, 2011
Experienced User
My guy also started very very sexual, talking sex, wanting sex, I made him wait, but even after he would still go on and on about it. There came a point in the relationship that he suddenly gave up sex and never mentioned it again. Also, he used to hold my hand and hug me in the beginning and completely stopped that too. He said he is not into public displays of affection. He has so may Bipolar traits that I mentioned that to him and asked him to see a doctor, but he said no.He said he cannot love, he is not open to love after more than one year together and all that he said and done inside our relationshisp. So, like you im left without knowing what is what.
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