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okay, hi.. my names coco im 19.. just turned.
ive been through heavy depression about 2 years ago i couldnt even speak id get so screwed up. no one noticed and when they did theyde just ask "whats wrong" and id lie and say "nothing". i knew i had a big problem but i think i was just to ashamed to admit it to anyone other than myself. ive always had a close relationship with my mum and for her not to notice that i was falling apart just made me more depressed. the whole 2 year ago thing lasted for about a year and it still hurts to know i went through it alone, restless nights, not eating, over eating, cutting, overdosing, trying to hang myself, burning. well it all went away it was great my life was back on track. i mean i was fine of course when i got mad id still self torment and all that but on the whole it was good. until about 2 weeks ago.. its all back.. i feel like crap all over again. i have panic attacks. im closing out the people i love im irritable, wanna die and have done the whole self mutilation thing all over again.. only this time, mums not on my side. i mean i didnt talk to her last time but i soo wanted to i just couldnt bring myself to it knowing that what if she went crazy over it.. knowing that her only child is a f***ing phycho. she saw the cuts.. i told her the cat scatched me. my god what a f***ing idiot, it p*sses me off to know that no one even noticed, i mean do i mean that little to anyone. anyways i dont have anyone this time. just me... i dont know why i put myself through this pain and agony, but i cant help myself. im scared of being helped, im scared of failing, im scared ill take my life and regret it, im scared of the effect it would have on anyone... okay yeh im f***ed up. anyways i just had to say it out aloud. i dont expect anyone to read this or whatever it was just for peace of mind to know i dont have it just in my head.
thanks.
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replied February 19th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
Oh hon you need a big hug.

That sounds really hard. You really need to get help for yourself! You say you're close to your mom, tell her. She wants to help.

From the perspective of someone who has had loved ones who struggled like you do, maybe they do notice and don't know what to do, or maybe they don't want to admit that something so serious could be wrong. All you have to say is "I need help" and I'm sure that your mom would be more than willing to jump in and get you the help you need.

And you do need help. Depression this deep isn't something you can just will away. I hope for your sake that your mom can't be blind any longer and realizes that you need more.
Best wishes hon
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replied February 20th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
You have come to the right place, that is for sure. First of all you have to ask yourself what is it that is depressing you so much. Then you can start to get yourself back together. Is there anyone else you can live with for a little while? Like giving yourself some space away from some possible triggers in your life?
Life is woth living, even if you doubt it sometimes. You have a big future ahead of you and you are still so young. Get out and try to do things that make you happy and feel better instead of thinking about the bad things. It just might help.
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replied February 20th, 2008
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Hi Sweetie! Me Fairy*Godmother
Coming from a Mom.......please talk to your Mother. She will understand and will know what to do. She will be there for you. I have a daughter who turns 25 this year.....I would not know a damned thing unless she told me.........you need to talk to your Mom so she will know whats going on........otherwise, we feel like we are being overbearing.......PLease talk to her.............See, there are a lot of us htat read your post and a lot of us who care...............
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replied September 30th, 2010
I UNDERSTAND YOU TRUELY!!
hey coco this is lani and let me just say that i know and understand how you feel. sometimes the depression is so bad that i plan my death and then think about proceeding with it or not. the sad thing is this, i told my mom about it when it happen, her and my aunt denied it and told me i shouldn't say that kind of thing. i guess they figuered it could never happen to me, and i cant blame them. im 19 years old and delt with depression for 3 years and i looking for help now, so please stay strong becase im going to stay strong now and find help ASAP!
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replied October 8th, 2010
Hi, coco. Remember,you are not alone in this world. There still exist people, who are eager to help you, at least to understand. agree, it is already a lot. When nobody understands and just notices you feel alone. I had something alike a few years ago. Surely it wasn't simply because of something unimportant. there was a tragedy, but i won't remember it now. Just want to say that depression is one of the most terrible diseases, but it isn't a fatal disease. I wish you success and happiness...
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replied January 12th, 2011
i no exactly how u feel coco..im havin a very bad start to the day.im confined to my bed and i refuse to leav the house.im unable to go to work becuz of these feelings.i hate it.i feel physicaly sick....
i jst dnt no wat to do ne more i dnt wana b here.
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