Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

using bi-polar disorder and Fibrmyalgia as excuses

OK to get started i am 22 years old married to my 23 year old wife we have been together for about 3 years now she had a 5 year old and weve since had a baby shes 1 1/2 now.

Ok i was always sceptical about why she got with me (me being 6'7 440 lbs at the time) her being skinny great figured beautiful woman(she did have a calcium deffieciency wich made her teeth decay quikly during pregnacy) ok well i came to feel she did really love me and after about 3 months she proposed to me. One of her friends spread a rumor that the only reason she was with me was to get her teeth fixed. well i didnt believe her. My wife after about a year begged me to get her pregnant even bribing non safe sex with other acts in the bedroom. Well she got pregnant and had the baby.. (oh and my wife has Fibromyalgia (spelling) basically a diesease that make you hurt all over all the time wich there was no treatment for up until a few months ago) OK well when our daughter was about 1 year we got married. Before we were married we always entertained the idea of an open relationship(sleeping with other people) but we never acted on it when we got married my wife said she didnt want to have that option anymore and i agreed to stop(granted we never actually slept with ne one else). Ok well ive only been with 1 other girl besides my wife and that was my only other g/f we were together a month. My wife on the other hand has had many partners before me and had been in her longest relationship about 4 months. My wife has always told me how she never really got off during sex because she was raped when she was little. so she said it was more of an emotional thing ya know. well weve had rough spots in our relationship but good ones too. We have only been having sex about every month if even that much. I noted it to the cold mostly because we dont have a heater in our bedroom so my wife sleeps in the living room. well ne ways my wife wanted to say she wants to have an open relationship again i agreed thinking this a good idea. well everyweekend she would go out with her friend to clubs( i dont like clubs but i have made the effort to go with her) She said she just wanted to get out some. well i confronted her that i loved her to much and didnt want to have the relationship be open anymore and that i didnt mind her going out and danging but i didnt want her being with other men. She said that she had recently been diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder and that she said it caused sexual urges etc... and that the reason that she is doing this is so that she wont leave me because she cant take being in one place so long cause she was so used to change from her horrible childhood that her mother cycled through men and locations so much. Well i cried and pleaded and thought it was over. The same night i took my kids to see their grandma when i got home there was a note from my wife saying i went out to the club dont be mad i love you. well she slept with a guy she met online that night. I was so hurt and cried to her about what she did she denied it all at first and even made up elaborate lies about coming home at 4:30 when the club closes at 2:00 she said she was a little drunk and was resting in car and fell asleep and the bartender woke her up when he went into the parking lot. (yeah we did agree we didnt want to know but i was telling her i did want to know ) she liead about other times she went out to. but some how it got turned back around on me and made me feel like i was wrong. I try my best to make things work with my wife but its so hard dealing with the stress she puts on me from her bi-polar and fibro disorders. And the research i did on Hypersexuality caused by bi-polar just sais it increses sex drive but she hasnt been sleeping with me at all. She sais that she likes change and that she likes new things and thats why she likes sex with new guys. OH YEAH and this all started right after she got her teeth fixed. I have no idea what to do i love her so much but she still want to sleep with other guys and i still havent gotten any sexual attention in over 2 months. Should i also go sleep with other girls or not she tells me i should but i just want her to stop. please tell me what i should do or just ne advice on my situation
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replied February 5th, 2008
Experienced User
You Asked
Dude.. Your wife is a hound. Sorry, but i calls it as i sees it. Bi-polar my foot. Just an excuse. But honey, i'm so messed up in the head that i just don't know what to do...blah blah blah..... Now that you shelled out the do re me to get her some of them new store bought chompers, the chick is on a roll. Horrible childhood, jeez louise, i had one of them to, but you don't see me all bi-polar and getting a mad case of fibromyalgia (spell check please). Listen guy, you sound okay, but this wife of yours is gonna send you straight to the funny farm. If you love her, ship her stank ass off to a therapist. If you don't think that you wanna continue this "marraige" (notice the quotes) say see ya. She sleeps on the sofa!!! Give me a break. With a big burley cuddle bug of a husband, who needs heat. Don't sleep around. Don't stoop to her level of ignorance, unless your bi-polar too. You got a kid to think of. Baby already has a nasty mom, you need to be a good dad. Sorry, don't mean to offend, just speaking my mind. Good luck hon.
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replied February 5th, 2008
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Have to agree 100% with bbfeet9. Please don't descend to her level. Think of your child. To be honest, I think if you just up and left with the baby, the mother wouldn't follow. She's having a great time with her new teeth. Let her go bite someone else's arse!
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replied February 5th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
yeah um bipolar doesnt cause hypersexual activity. i think its an excuse and the fibro? i think if she hurt youd know it and she wouldnt want to be touched.
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replied February 5th, 2008
Supporter
Yes, fibro is pretty debilitating. Sufferers generally do NOT go out clubbing too often with it! My fibro friend has difficulty walking round the house, staying awake etc.

I feel for you, fatherof2 - let us know what happens.
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replied February 5th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Wish I could give you some words of wisdom but your wife is using her medical conditions to run you. Bipolar disorder does cause hypersexuality and if the person is unstable they are likely to act on it. Have you asked your wife why she is not taking her medication? Is she seeing a psychiatrist for treatment? Fibromyalgia is debilitating. Most people don't feel like walking let alone dancing. Your wife is being selfish and thinks you can't see her ruse. Call her on her behavior and tell her to get help or get lost. She is going to hurt you and your little one.
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replied February 5th, 2008
well she sais that she does love me and that the only reason she is going out and dancing and sleeping with other guys is beacuase she cant take living iwthout change
and she sais if she leaves she will take my daughter with her. even if i do get to keep my daughter the 5 year old i mean what would happen to her i dont know how my wife would be on her own. I dont know she just made it seem like us having an open relationship was good but its not i hurt so much thinking about it.
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replied February 6th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Why is she not getting any treatment? It does not sound like she is stable at this time. That instability can effect judgment. Is she seeing a doc about her bipolar disorder? If so you may think about talking to her doc and the present situation. The doctor may not tell you much about her treatment but at least the doctor is aware of her present condition.

I wish I had more to offer. She needs to get herself to a doctor. You could attempt to tell her how you feel, again. Let her know this type of relationship is not what you want and is not good for the children. Sorry, I am afraid this is little help.
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replied February 6th, 2008
Experienced User
I've heard that "borderline personality disorder" personalities tend to sleep around a lot. This may be something she's mistaking for bipolar disorder. Borderline PD is a personality disorder, not a mental disorder. It sounds like your wife is taking full advantage of your ignorance & walking all over you.

Please see a therapist. You need to get your head straight so that you can take care of your children & keep yourself sane.

BYD
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replied February 12th, 2008
tell her to get Treatment!! if she is truly bipolar the doc will know and medicate accordingly and if she refuses to take meds talk to the pdoc about putting her in a mental institution for about 72 hours to 14 days for a mental eval and stabilization on proper meds!!! She needs this! If not leave her and file for full custody of the kids with a good reputable lawyer. She has a mental disorder that is not being treated and that is child neglect!!!!
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