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Another one Bites the dust!

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So much for me saying long distance can work! And so much for thinkin there was love and respect in my relationship!

Over the internet ladies and gentleman; oh yeah, my guy has class! It would have been a text if he had a phone I'm sure.

Sorry, I'm stuck in my dorm, alone and I really just need to vent. I knew this all was coming, I brought it up before I left for school thinking that if he was planning it then he could do it there, if not then I would do everything I could to get him to understand how much I care for him. Nevermind that, he just strung me about for a bit and then broke up with me in a way we promised we wouldn't do to eachother.

Regardless, I'm really worried about him. He's had a lot of rough spots lately and I told him tonight (which is how this started) that I can just back off for a few days and I'd be fine with it. Guess he needs more than a few days huh?

He even asked for his ring back though that was my fault after a nasty comment I made about him doing this over the internet though I'm sure that would have happened sooner or later... I can't believe this..

I need to go shower.... he's such a jerk...
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replied January 18th, 2008
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Another one Bites the dust!
I feel for you! When I was a sophmore in college (1975 so that gives you a clue about my age) I met this guy and fell in love right away. It hit me over the head--he was my first True Love.

We were together for just over four years--we had planned on marrying five years to the day we met (a Saturday). I went away to school for my junior and senior years (240 miles away) and carried on by hand-written letters, the telephone (rates were high back then) and occasional visits. I was home for summers. When I graduated from college he didn't seem to care (he had gone to college and decided it wasn't for him).

Over the course of the relationship we had our share of fights and arguments and, oddly enough, they were *always* my fault. I wasn't wise enough to know that love is suppose to be among equals and he knew it. Talk about being strung along!

Finally I started to piece things together and realize that I could be as bad as all that (I ended up seeing a psychiatrist in college because he had me convinced I was a terrible person) and I realized that if there was no major change there would be no relationship. No major change and the relationship ended--devastating nonetheless. After some mulling I realized that he was terribly insecure and made himself feel big by belittling me. Had I married him I'd be dead now--would have killed myself.

What 's the point? People are not always as they seem regardless of how long you know them. I've had a couple of friends who were divorced, one after 20 years of marriage (one day his wife told him she no longer loved him) and one after 35 years of marriage (out of nowhere, her husband told her he wanted to marry his high-school sweetheart).

It's nice to be worried about him but if he won't share his rough spots with you then I would think about moving on. You're young, you're in school and you have plenty of opportunities to meet other people and form new friendships. I don't know of many long-distance relationships that last unless the lines of communication are especially good.

Did he dump you via e-mail or texting? If that's the case, he is lower than low and not worth your time and effort. You know you don't have to return the ring--it was given as a gift with no strings attached. (Check any etiquette book if you're don't believe it.) If you want to return it, that's fine. I would be just mean enough to sell it and treat myself to something with the money.

Good luck and do keep posting.
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replied January 18th, 2008
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Thanks entices

Well he called this morning and apologized so I don't know what to think. He acted like I was being silly for thinking we broke up! He's just so up and down right now that his horribly confusing for me and I'm going to tread very carefully with this. I spent a good while crying and telling myself its over, so this is going to have to be one hell of an apology for me to relax and give this more chances in my mind.

We were arguing over the phone and then we hung up and starting arguing on msn and the supposed break up happened at the end of the conversation.

I would never throw away his ring! His mom gave it to him at his confirmation and its extremely important to him. It's not some fancy ring, just one with a lot of emotional attachment and I wear it on a necklace.

I know everyone really says this, but he is my best friend. When he's going through all this I can't help but feel worried. Even my older sister said that it's just been one horrible hit after another for him, and its almost understandable why he's so touchy. But she also agrees that there's no excuse for the things he said last night. I don't know, I'm just going to see what happens.

I just wish he'd trust me enough to share his problems, but I have botched that once before. My sister(this annoys me to no end) tells me that I have problems talking about suicide and death, that I don't know how to handle and just avoid the topics. Unfortunately thats what kels(my boyfriend) is going through... There are things I need to work on, just as he does. MAYBE we'll work on them together, maybe not. Either way, I can't imagine not speaking to him. Whether we stay together as a couple or as a friend I just feel like I need to be there for him. He told me once that I'm the only person in the world that really loves him(bad family life) and I don't want him to think that he has no one. I don't know... ugh.

Thanks for replying!
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replied January 18th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
maybe you could tell him to figure his things out and then give you a call?
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replied January 18th, 2008
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I tried that last night, he said that the two subjects are completely seperate and thats how the whole first started last night.

The day I got back to college from our break and thats when he told me he's losing interest in the relationship. And I just figured I'd just stick this out until things cool down but when i offered to just take myself out of the picture for awhile he got angry.

Thanks though rosie!
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replied January 18th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
yeah no problem....i did that with my hubby....i left for a week....but in that week we sure learned a lot about each other....

we finally got to really say what we wanted to say without getting defensive or fighting....the time not seeing eachother really made him thinka bout what he really wanted. And the same happened to me. I realized where I was being unreasonable and we were able to finally meet halfway. We still have issues but we are working through them. Just dont put yourself through too much pain...he needs to figure out what he wants very soon....
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replied January 18th, 2008
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I didn't know you were back with your hubby?

I know we need time apart, even if its just for a few days! It just feels like retreat and to him its that I'm giving up, which was a huge problem for us when we were in high school. Before I had set priorities and work and swimming came first-- I needed to get to college!-- unfortunately it burnt me out and I didn't have time for a boyfriend. I just don't want him to think I'm pulling something like that again. And I think thats why he got upset last night.

Anyways he's going to his friends this weekend(he's friend's brother killed himself about a month ago and that is more his family than his actual family) and I've got two swim meets this weekend. We'll see how things go from now to monday.. who knows.
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replied January 18th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
boys

are stupid!!!
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replied January 18th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Agreed.
He used to be a reasonable guy, but I suppose it always starts out like that huh? Smile
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