Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

Problems With Contradiction

I know this is cliche, and possibly could be construed as such by a formal introduction, but hi i'm josh and i'm bipolar. Sounds like an aa kind of proclamation right? Recently around the december time-frame I was diagnosed as manic-depressive ii and was overjoyed to come to closure about my erratic mood fluctations. The first time I experienced vile misery was in december 2003, lasting until may 2003. I had no conception where my foul demeanor was emanating from other than possible seperation anxiety and lack of a stable social network (as I was just embarking upon my freshman year at unc-asheville). It was an extremely difficult time in my life.... Possibly the most devastating as I deliberated upon whether this was actually depression or hallucinogenic persisting perceptual disorder (i have tripped an accumulated 22 times). There were so many possibilities for what I was experiencing, yet I could not find a legitimate explanation. Around may I found myself on the verge of maniacle exuberance spewing out thoughts and ideals that I had no idea where reverberating in my head... Mystical visions ensued during periods (also witnessed by others) and synchronicities occurred on a regular basis. It was if my mind was receiving an infinite influx of cosmological data, yet I felt perfectly sane and ready to share my experiences with anyone who would listen. Then in the midst of my manic-cycle I earned a dui. This crashed me back down to earth and for the next 4-5 months I fell into an obliterating depressive state; no ability to concentrate, no short-term/long-term memory, social anxiety.... The list goes on. In december, once I was diagnosed, I had a resurgance in mania which was possibly one of the most gratifying experiences of my life... Only to plummet into despair during the last three weeks. I'm currently on wellbutrin and lamictal (the lamictal evidently alleviated my symptoms to start out with, yet have seemed to subsided) and the wellbutrin has only magnified my depression. I realize that this will last for the remainder of my life. I'm grateful that I am bipolar, because it does allow me to vision alternate states of consciousness, yet simultaneously the depression is progressively becoming more intense. I've dissociated myself from friends up here, my intellgiable thoughts are vanishing.... Does anyone else have problems with interpersonal difficulties, especially in intentionally wanting to lose all relationships because of instability.


This sucks
Did you find this post helpful?
|

replied April 21st, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
Since you are at college & since you seem to be bright I will assume that you are capable of doing some research & asking yourself & others some hard questions (& don't be satisfied until you get answers that make sense).

Drs especially psychiatrists often take the elast line of resistance ie - medicate with the current in drug or the one they get kick backs from &/or diagnose on the basis of simplest or most likely or even what you present thinking you have. None of which is the right way to treat anyone & all of which can & do lead to totally incorrect diagnoses &/or medications.

So go to some search engines like - google or yahoo etc & start researching your symptoms, find suggested solutions/treatments, look into alternative medicines (accupuncture, herbal, natuopathy, homeopathy etc) & see if maybe these might do you moer good. Don't just accept what a dr says, search this is your life we're talking about not the drs!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 21st, 2004
Sure the reply was helpful and consoling, and believe it or not i'm probably as informed on the biological basis of bipolar disorder than anyone out there. I've read "unquiet mind" and "touched by fire" by kay jamison, additionally "beyond prozac" and a barrage of other literary deviations into bipolar/depressive disorders. The symptoms, yes, i'm extremely familiar with as well as other nutritional supplements and alternative therapies. I'm taking a b-complex at the current moment accompanying the wellbutrin and lamictal. Is ginseng or ginkgo affective in counteracting depressive downcycles? Hmm... Worth contemplating.

However, the real issue at hand is dissassociating myself from self-destructive peers. I've managed to be successful at this, atleast for a month, and have not tripped, smoked pot, done pills, or partaken in any form of enebreation. Its just not compatible with my personality anymore. If anything the tripping has magnified my depression, as when I feel distressed I experience an immense amount of visual distortions including trails and auras. So I feel its positive that I have detached myself from individuals who induce a self-crippling consciousness. However, I feel estranged from interpersonal relationships, in general. A stoner persona is all that i've ever known in acquiring friends and I suppose that its pretty difficult to start over. I've started to take myself seriously rather than falling into a negative identity, reading innumerable jungian texts, metaphysical texts, and psychological books (as I want to be a counselor). This usually fills the quiet space that my friends use to fulfill. Is secluding one's self from relationships pretty common among you all, especially when feeling unstable? And furthermore is this a good decision in maintaining distance? I have no conception whether this has been helpful or has inflamed my depression.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 21st, 2004
Extremely eHealthy
First things first, I personally do not suffer from either of the conditions you mention my knowledge comes second hand & from learning.

Second, you ask about natural things (gingko & ginseng) & whether they might help with depressive down cycles , I would suggest you looking into 5htp (refined tryptophan which when over stressed etc our bodies don't produce naturally)& sam-e. Idea

third, I wasn't clear enough as to why I wanted you to check search engines re your symptoms & diagnoses; their are often alternative sites which show how some symptoms are misdiagnosed &/or alternative treatments for correct diagnoses & how they should/can be treated. This information is generally not available in books or libraries or in fact from doctors. In other words I suggest that you research information not put out by pharamceutical companies etc to ensure 1) that your diagnosis is accurate & 2) that you are getting the right & best treatments/medications. Idea

fourth, removing yourself from people who have a negative influence on you is good, great in fact, but humans are social animals & as such we need social contact with other humans for our emotional & psychological well-being. Seclusion is something alot of people with mental well-being issues do but it is not healthy. So you need to find a new source of friends; Idea

some suggestions as to how??

- does your college have any clubs &/or societies (like my daughters has 250+ of them from theatre to debating, political to towel fling & beard appreciation, greek to circus to sport) that you could look into & see if any of them are of interest to you?

- are there any local area groups that you might find interesting - historical societies, writers groups, craft, etc.

- join a gym & start an exercise routine; apart from possibly meeting people you may find the exercise helpful in terms of health.

- there are innumerable on-line chat sites for everything &. Anything including this one & also fan clubs & fan fiction writers re various shows eg. Csi. Getting social on-line may be a "safer" way to start till you feel more confident about your ability to choose non-destructive friends, of course this might also apply to people in certain of the above mentioned groups.

The Exclamation above are points for you to act on/look into.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied July 13th, 2005
Up And Down And Around And Around
Jason,

your history sounds familiar. For me the malady seems to tip me off balance. Its like my actions are not reviewed fully by my brain before they are executed so the result is skewed. However, with meds and allowing the inherent inner nature of my self wanting to exhibit healthy behavior lessons can be learned as to how to effectively deal with it. At least I have found this to be so for me so far.

Patrick
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied April 6th, 2009
Hey Sk8Guy105
I was really hoping to speak to you about your experiences. Not sure if you still got on here, but hoping. Did your depression phases start after you were doing drugs?
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Quick Reply
Answers to Similar Questions
User Profile
Harpreet Singh
User Profile
Dr. Goce Aleksovski
User Profile
Dr. Goce Aleksovski
User Profile
Harpreet Singh
User Profile
Dr. Goce Aleksovski
Must Read
Do you know what bipolar is exactly? And what types of bipolar do doctors classify and diagnose? Learn more basics about bipolar disorder here....
Can stress put you at risk of developing bipolar disorder? Read here for information on risk factors which increase the likelihood that someone becomes bipolar....
Bipolar is difficult to diagnose as an illness ... but bipolar symptoms are usually accompanied by extreme changes. What are the symptoms of bipolar disorder?...