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I Dont Leave Any Man Alone With My Daughter...

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My fiance and I have been together for a little while now, I have a two year old daughter named Harmony from a previous relationship, he has no children. Harmony"s biological father is a total deadbeat!! He isnt in her life, he doesnt pay child support, he doesnt care. Jim(my fiance) makes sure she has everything she needs, spends time with her, makes her feel loved... well she has begun to call him daddy, she loves him as much as i do... but i have been taught by my parents to watch men around little girls and never to put men before your children... I dont think Jim would ever do anything to hurt my daughter, he is a wonderful man, He has just turned 40yrs old, and I am 20, he has been a firefighter for 10 years, and he is my soulmate... but because of how ive been raised i'm scared to leave ANY guy alone with my little harmony for the fear of something happening to her that could have been prevented... I mean I was appalled a couple weeks ago when I saw a story on the news about a guy who raped his 9 day old daughter, and she died from internal bleeding... I am so sure that Jim would never ever hurt her, but I am still fearful, am i wrong for feeling this way?
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replied December 25th, 2007
Active User, very eHealthy
Your Child Harmony
Is loved by you and it sounds like your man is a good guy. Just look at his work history. A firefighter sounds like a hero to me. I believe he will be a hero to you and Harmony.

We live in a world where there are so many dangers and scary things. It would be a better world if we could just trust more. Trust your man. I bet he is a good one. A keeper.
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replied January 15th, 2008
Experienced User
if your going to marry him you need to trust him with your daughter
if you cant trust him alone with her the marriage would never work.

so follow your heart and if you dont think he'll do it he wont.

there are few people out there who would do such sick things.
it is nice to know there are parents like you out there though.
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replied January 15th, 2008
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I'm not in your situation, because i am with my kids' father, but if i were i would probably be just as cautious as you are. I don't blame you one bit!
It may be over-protective, but i'd rather be than find out a few years down the road that because of my actions(or lack of), my child has been molested.

If he loves you, he will understand.

I applaud you, Gabby!
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replied January 16th, 2008
i feel the same way. i am with my kids' father but, even with his uncles and cousins i do not trust ANYONE around my kids except me and their father. its a terrible world now with terrible people in it, even people who have been married 10 - 20 years, have kids, and find out, the dad has been molesting his sons and daughters all along. Its sad, but the girl above has a point, its better to be over protective, than to be regretful in the end.
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replied February 2nd, 2008
if you have a bad feeling then ya never leave your daughter alone w/any man.because a molestor comes in all shapes and sizes.
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replied March 29th, 2008
I have 3 daughters and I never left them alone with there Dad either.My oldest's Father Sperm doner whatever I still don't trust and she is 17.He was never there for her.I met my current hubby when my oldest was 8 months old.We have 2 daughters together and I explained when we got together why I wont leave the kids alone with him.He understood.Besides protecting the kids you are protecting you hubby(if some nosey body tries to cause nasty trouble with bad rumors) this happened to us.We worked through it and I told Judge there was no way cause I wont leave the girls alone with a Man.I had bad experance is my reasons.I never want my girls to go through what I went through as a child.You are a great Mom for being like this.If your Man loves you he will understand.Especially when he relizes you trust him but not everyone else.A rummor or trouble like that can ruin a good family that never deserved it to begin with.Its just dirty minds and jellous PPL.
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replied December 17th, 2009
Yes, you are wrong for profiling all men guilty as being pedophiles until proven innocent.

Shame on you, this kind of attitude is why men are afraid to help lost children.

How would you feel if your child was abducted and 5 men came forward and said "I saw her standing there alone but I was afraid to help her because of would people would think"?

Stop letting your fear drive you. Times now are much safer for children, not more dangerous. What has changed is 24-hour instant news that makes something happening 5000 miles away seem like it happened next door.
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replied February 28th, 2010
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i think its wrong. girls need dads or dad figures, not every guy is bad, an if you have a bad feeling bout one then why the hell you with them? i dont have a daughter yet i have one on the way but i have a little boy. an when my little girl comes out im going to trust her with her dad, grandparents, uncles an even godparents an close friends with her, if you bring them up when you dont trust anyone she will grow up not trusting anyone, and that could be worse then what a guy "could" do. but on saying that its not just guys, woman are the same just not as well known as the men. i wont trust a stranger with my child but a family member or close family friend i will. i have heard the horror stories and everyone hopes that wont happen to them. i pray that it wont happen to my angels. but you cant pretect kids from the world. they will never learn to stand on there own 2 feet. but i dont want people having ago at me for what i just wrote. im not having ago at anyone. i dispise these grose men more then anyone, but i just dont belive in wraping my kids in bubble wrap from people. they will never get people skills
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replied March 4th, 2010
If you don't let a girl spend time with her father or father figure then she could easily begin to think that there's something not quite right. If you don't let anything happen to you daughters then nothing will ever happen to them, even the good things. Even the most protected children are still at risk. You have to sleep sometime, you need to shower or bathe sometime and i'm pretty sure that after a certain age you really wouldn't want them in with you. I don't have a daughter but I do have a son and my father always done the whole thing where I was never alone with another male. By the time I was 12 and doing things with my friends I was always paranoid and worried, more than I should have been. I missed out on things and that was down to being over protected. I worry endlessly about my son, altho he's at lower risk he is still at risk. But i would never dream of doing to him what my father done to me. Basically, no matter what you do there will always be a time when it can happen, if you worry too much it WILL affect the child and not in a good way. Talk to them once a week about what could happen and that it's ok to tell you regardless of what is said to them and if they trust you then if anything was to happen then you'd know about and could easily put a stop to it.
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replied March 9th, 2010
I'm sorry, but if your man is 20 years your senior, obviously he likes his gils YOUNG! So guess what, when that little girl becomes a teenager, you don't know what will happen.
There are so many women that think "oh, it will never happen to me and my daughter, he's a good guy", and guess what - that same "good guy" used and abused their daughters (or sons) and none of them saw it coming.
So yes, your child before your partner!!! I wouldn't leave my daughter with any man by herself, except her father. There are too many creeps out there, and I'd rather be safe than sorry!
I'd run background check! You can't be too safe these days... Back in the day we used to play outside in the neighborhood till dawn, now you can't let your child cross a cul-de-sac street by herself/himself.
There is a really good website you can look up where offenders are registered at:
http://www.familywatchdog.us/
It helps to look that info up before you buy a house next to a child rapist!
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replied April 2nd, 2010
I definately understand your concern and I feel the same way you do. As a child I was sexually molested and later on I was raped. I have some real trust issues with men, and I will not let any man be with my daughter alone. I just got remarried to a great guy who treats me well and loves me, but even so, I will not let him be alone with my daughter. He completely understands and he still is able to play and have fun with my daughter as long as I or a female friend that I trust, is there as well.
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replied June 20th, 2010
I completely understans where you are coming from. My daughter is 4 and the love of my life. I actually had personal abuse when I was younger so I refuse to leave my daughter with no one at all. But, also I am a single mother and I do not have anyone to leave them with anyway so I do not have that same situation. I would say that if you trust him to be in your life... and seeing as how your daughter is a part of your life that will never be altered.. there has to come a time when both of the aspects of your life collide. Especially in the case of marriage, in which you are going to becoming a family. Also, I have been dating this guy for about 7 months now- never once come in contact with either of my children, never even seen me with them, and he asks all the time why I am not looking for a father of my children.. but he just doesnt understand that they have fathers.. so it just depends on you personally and what you really want him to become for her.
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replied March 31st, 2011
Hi everyone, I see two themes here in all of the answers. One is that the few bad guys out there make the news, but they don't represent most men. A guy who hurts kids, isn't the one you're dating, it's someone else you saw on the news. Your guy has nothing to do with that one. Second theme, many of you deciding not to leave your kid with a man (that you'd love to be able to trust) tell about your own unfortunate experience when you were young. That's NOT from the guy you're dating. They don't have anything to do with each other. Take every situation and look at it independently of what you have seen elsewhere. If you want to know if you can trust him, hide a camera in the house and give them a play date. Then you'll know. Peace of mind.
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