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negative thoughts - seeing flashes - schizophrenia?

Hello this is my first time posting on this site. For the past few months i thought i might have a mental disorder of some kind or something of that type
maybe schizophrenia maybe something else less serious hopefully. When i go to sleep i hear my thoughts saying bad things about me like i hate you and your pathetic and other downers and things like that. This has been like for quite some time i know it was for quite awhile at least but i have horrible memory it gets all mushy but thats just typical bad memory. Now i dont hear these thoughts like sounds outside of my head i hear them like regular thoughts but for some reason or another its like my brains trying to get me to be unhappy or something. I know it sounds bad but its not that terrible. Somtimes when im watching tv or doing anything ill see stuff on movies that for some reason relate to me somhow and i reason there must be some deep cosmic reason for this commercial or something thats trying to send me messages on whats about to happen in the future and i think it actually happens i get major deja vu sometimes and i remember a commercial or a dream and i think i can see into the future.

Now i also see things too nothing serious though its just somtimes i see these little lights flash like little dots almost balls of light and also when i close my eyes when its dark enough i can see these big green spinning strobe lights that form little nifty shapes. I also see things when ever i move my pencil in school around on paper i see a little weird purple line behind it that disappears when i stop concentrating on it. The pencil isnt touching the paper when this happens. None of that is really bad i mean there so minor and insignificant infact one helps with my art and the other can help me pass time. I also have general apathy for just about everything from sex to
homework and all that. So i want to know can anyone suggest what i should do i have no idea whats really going on and i decided i dont want to sleep ever again.

Normally i would never say anything about this im pretty reclusive about my life except for my very close friends. But my uncle who is a schitzophrenic told me about his expriences before he got sick and said that without medication or help the illness can get really bad. Sorry about the typing im kind of tired.
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replied December 19th, 2007
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I think you need to see a psychiatrist.I have schizophrenia.I had symptoms of voices,and feelings that the ads and shows on tv are trying to send me a message.However I know that you dont see anything strange in Schizo.You just hear strange voices.If your uncle had the disease that means you have a family history.So dont wait and get help immediately.Remember dont feel down if the diagnosis turns out to be schizo.There are many people who suffer from it and lead almost normal lives.Get help,take medications(necessary)and live.
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replied August 17th, 2013
I have schizophrenia. That's what they call it. Medical community has done a good job of documenting and categorizing what you are going through. They do not understand it at all, though, friend. I got it later in life at 25. The psychiatrist mapped my bleak future and I left with a lifetime prescription for something that didn't help any way and made me fatter! I was so mad at that diagnosis, the fact I had spent ten yrs. interacting with madness, and that I had distanced a family member who divorced my brother, I quit talking to the thing internally. Started like that. Ignored it because I was pissed. Started using earphones. The second I would pull a plug out the dang voices would be in mid-conversation like I had been listening! Bizarre. It got better, not perfect, and the voices got quieter because I limited their opportunity and quit talking inside to it. Prior to this I would have a distinct back and forth conversation internally all waking hours. Work was manageable, I was there to be good at it and set problems aside like we all have to do. I did not lose my job as the psychiatrist said I would, have played advanced roles at work and have worked in leadership positions at the diseases worse, and at it's present state I could perform any role in my corporation well. I tried to keep condition unknown to anyone. I feel more comfortable socially everyday and may be able to date without disconnecting socially already. I am close to 100%. I have to be careful when I am sleepy. I still tend to want to show negative behavior to being "spied on". I temper myself with knowledge that you choose your fate with something like this. It's not like a brain aneurism. You decide. If I were you I would shut yours down now. No diagnosis or meds if you can convince yourself what I suspect based on your symptoms being very mild. Your symptoms don't sound very strong, I would walk away from them now. I see flashes of light with my eyes open, and words make messages in a billionth of a second. Interestingly, when I minimalized voices, the word thing started. I usually just smile inside and do not take it seriously and, at the strongest hallucination, I might smile slightly like someone musing something funny. At work I have it shut down at 100%. If it is occurring, I do not allow myself to waiver from the complexity of doing a great job at work. Or trying to. Over-riding the condition is an unlikely outcome in the medical field's opinions. It used to blow my lid off 24/7. I hid it at work, but it wore my mind down hearing voices so horribly, but that was before I fought back. Yours might be overactive imagination. I did not have to wait for things to visualize or speak it was a very separate auditory dialog running every waking second, and it could throw voices from everything. Rare to hear voices today. I ignore it like chirping crickets, but at times it twist tv and radio words. I feel I change the words I will hear from radio and tv and actually hear my words. Not all the time and I just ignore it. It is funny. You would not know it around me I have been going through any of this. Because I don't respond. In the first 5yrs. I hid it but had not fought back and might get caught yelling at it. Not ever again! It is now like my breathing- it's there and busy- but I just take strength from breath. I tell you this for advice: 1. Skip interaction at all cost. Downplay all of it. Interaction only grows it and people will go homeless conversing until they are on the street talking to something. I have that level of conversation and depth with auditory hallucinatory dialog so trust me on this. On antidepressants once I had voices booming like in a megaphone and this was the only time I failed at work by not going in or calling. I just wouldn't leave my room because the madness was ignited like a jet fuel fire and I know better that to trust an invisible circus. This disease in a person being given antidepressants creates the types who do the public shootings. Kids with this disease they mis-prescribe antidepressants. I'm sure this is a crap drug for everyone, but if your predisposed or have undiagnosed schizophrenia it will create a 5150 at best. Very violent affect! 2.Do NOT EVER TAKE ADDERALL ANTIDEPRESSANTS OR ILLEGAL SPEED if you are a schizophrenic it can shatter your ability to stay in one world. 3. Use headphones and your favorite music to disconnect from voices. Never trust what they say. Look at it like an overactive imagination and why would you want to dwell on bad thoughts? Live your life in full ignore it mode. It even becomes fun and an extension of who you are. Watch those rules. Don't think you will get to the bottom of it by interacting. Easy cheesy. Yours you can stop now by headphones, pretend you never had a thought of weird stuff. No antidepressants. Don't over-analyze apathy or any other word. Exercise like mountain bike, basketball, softball, whatever your thing is. Force yourself into painful social situations. This is important to any human! It can surprisingly get you to enjoy people's company. I feel I should be honest and say I use medical pot, but I don't use too much and only when I'm not working. Any other meds send my mind somewhere. I have no other prescriptions and will never need to treat this disease that way. I don't think they have a clue when they show you a picture of a Pac Man character eating neurons and synopsis. It was like reading a child's book. Then they give you some chemicals. Last I checked, they then call you incurable anyway. I live at a higher functionality than our countries average citizen, and I have helped my company make breakthroughs and have ran shifts that went well for years. Better, not perfect! Good luck. P.S. I was raised a Catholic, so I used spirituality to find the strength. I would be remiss if I did not give the Spirit credit for letting me know I choose what life I have.
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