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New Here And Ive Got to Many Problems to List

Hi, Im new to this and im not really sure if i should be just letting all of this out in the open to complete strangers but after reading some posts on here most of you seem to have some genuine compassion, that and im afraid if i dont get any of this off my chest that the rest of my life will be more miserable than it already has been.

I dont even really know where to start so im just going to type everything as it comes out I hope some of you will bear with this as it may tend to be a little erratic as far as topic goes.

Im 26 years old and im male, ive been single for the past two years and my last relationship which went 4 years long ended on my Bday in 2005, needless to say that shook me up but nothing compared to what happened to me 2 days after my 20th bday, my dad who was the person i was closest too on this planet died tragicly and unexpectedly. ten years prior to that my brother died in a car accident when i was nine, he died when he was 12. I drove up on the scene with my father and watched him get life lighted away. He later died in intensive care after a week or so. My mom after my brother died pretty much left me and my dad, and than a year or so later came back. After this me and my mom never really got along too much, and after my dad died i suppose our relationship got better, but i dont look at my mom as a mom she seems more occupied with herself to give a crap about me. Even simple things my mom wont do, like cook meals or go out of her way to do anything for me that isn't out of her way, but im expected to bend over backwards for her and every single whim must be met. If i argue or protest Im made to feel like complete crap by her and like im ungrateful. I still live with my mom even though im 26 and this bothers me and I havent been able to finish my college degree since my dad died. From one time it was focus, to finances to discipline. All this makes me feel like everyone else in life has moved on and im still in the same place ive always been, in the same situation with all the chips against me. My love life hasn't existed in 2 years and that has done terrible things to my self esteem, as well as my self image. For some reason i feel like if ive got someone in my life who give a crap enough about me to love me than maybe ill be able to make everything finally go right. But no one even gives a crap or even bothers looking in my direction. I feel like most people are so damn concerned with what they can get that it turns me off from even trying to open up to anyone. It also doent help that i dont have many friends and the ones i do have there own lives to try to stay up with, there own issues and problems.

I see alot of people around me with normal families, and it pisses me off that they take it for granted. But thats just a surface issue. I have a hard time finding any joy in life. Im always alone. for a single 26 year old male whose A. not overweight(not that, that is a problem) B. Somewhat wealthy from my dads estate and C. Open minded and damn near honest all the time about my feelings and thoughts on others. Im home alone every friday and saturday night while everyone else seems to enjoy there lives with there families and there lovers while I dont have a single person. and Xmas which used to be a holiday i loved has now become the one i hate the most.

Someone please for the love of god help me
Thats all i want is some help is that so much to ask these days
is for some help Crying or Very sad
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replied December 16th, 2007
Community Volunteer
That is quite some tale you have to tell.

First off though, I want to you realize that you are not alone and that the people with "normal" families are not the people with normal families. There is always going to be something really strange going on in every family, just one person that mystifies everyone and is the bad egg....and makes the rest feel terrible.....is all it takes.

I know it's hard to lose a father. Mine died when I was 12. My mother never loved me because she was "forced" by religion to get married and have children, so I know that no matter what I've done to please her, I will never measure up, EVER (and I've only realized this in the past few weeks, so don't get me started lol)..... and my sisters are all really split up and we hardly get along like we should. There have been many times that I have been really depressed about the situations that they are in and it hurts because I do love them. But, it is NOT my fault. Neither is your mother's attitude.

Losing a brother must be really hard. But you know this: they would want you to be happy if they were still here. They would want you to continue your education...especially your dad. If you now have enough money to continue because of your dad's estate, you need to continue. Forcing yourself to get out, to socialize, to become part of a college community will lift your spirits and maybe you can find some close friends.

Start thinking of others and doing things for other people. Philanthropy is healthy for the mind and the body. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you are a very good candidate to throw yourself out there and get with the crowd: have a good time and don't be afraid to do it. Do it in memory of the ones you have lost because they would want you to get out and have a good time; volunteer some work time for some organization. Listen to other people's stories.

I don't think that it's because you consider yourself alone and a loser that you don't have a love life: you are not a loser. You've just had some drawbacks that hurt, just like everyone else around you. The difference is that you have to kick those obstacles in the arse and say to yourself that you are better than them and that you will get out and mingle. That's the only reason you don't have a girl.

Now don't sit Smile Get out there Smile
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replied December 20th, 2007
Especially eHealthy
Welcome to the forum, Asentiff.

I agree with everything Mominashoe said. You can certainly come on here and share you feelings whenever you want. But have you tried to get any professional help/therapy? It sounds like you could use a real person to talk to.

Danielle
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replied December 20th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Very well sad Mominashoe. Like Danielle said try and get some theropy if you have not already. You will be surprised how much good it will do.
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replied January 9th, 2008
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It really helps to talk to a therapist about these things. Just saying it out loud and getting it out there can help more than you know.Good luck.
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replied February 1st, 2008
I think the best thing you can do is get away from your mother.
Live on your own or with a room-mate. My mother was just like yours. Until you get away you cannot start healing. wasabi68
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replied February 1st, 2008
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wasabi68 wrote:
I think the best thing you can do is get away from your mother.
Live on your own or with a room-mate. My mother was just like yours. Until you get away you cannot start healing. wasabi68


I agree completely!! I had to get away from my mother when I was 16.....
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replied July 28th, 2019
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
Your feelings are suggestive of depression.
I would suggest you antidepressant like escitalopram. Consult psychiatrist for psychotherapy.
I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Khan
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