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Family Problems/living Arragements

ok so I'm 20 years old. I lived with my till i was 19...i was going to school and working. When i was 19 my brother was moving out and proposed that i go with him, I took the offer we didn't move far about 2 hours away but different enough for me because i had never been out of my lil area born and raised in the same place. So to safely experience something different i agreed to go. My brother has a VERY good job so the deal was he pays the rent and such and i take care of the house, dinner and all that jazz. well this went fine for a very long time, we've almost been here a whole year....but lately like we've been fighting a lot over stupid crap, like he wants specific things for dinner, he doesnt think i put the dogs out enough, im not constantly trying to talk to him so on and so forth. But he's been picking a lot of fights with me. So i was considering moving in with my mom, I've never lived with her I grew up with my dad and for years shes asked me to live with her. So when I finally say i want to take her up on it because we don't get along anymore shes like..reluctant. Now my family constantly reminds me of exactly how big of a failure I'm going to be if try to go it alone. I still work and go to school, and I know its going to be hard but I didn't ask to go it alone...just to live with my mom...but my brother is like the "Golden Child" and my parents both give him say over things then they do...but I'm not sure what i should do...I'm scared to move alone because I'm scared of failing miserably but everyone says they tell me that too keep me under their grasp. But they may have biases. SO what do you guys think? Keep in mind if i stay with him he has some rules...like I'm no longer allowed to shut my door,hang out in my room, decide what and when for dinner he decides dinner and i just cook...pretty much snap and jump whenever he says and to give him all my school log in information and bank acct information so that he can monitor everything I do....and my mom freaked out when she found out that I even just talk to a boy and said i shouldnt and that it doesnt matter if I'm 20 or if I'm 50 i shouldn't. OH and i did start birth control recently and I didn't tell my family cause they would freak I mentioned the thought of it to my sister and she told them all I was on it and my mom just freaked out and started yelling at me for it. I'm not sure what to do I feel really lost. Any advice?
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replied December 3rd, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Do you have friends that you could get an appartment with?
Staying with your brother sounds unbearable-- aside from the no rent part-- I can understand why you want out.
Are you in college? Did you ever live in the dorms or consider living there?
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replied December 4th, 2007
i have friends but not in this area i would have to go back...and yeah im in college but its the comm. college and they dont have dorms. My boyfriend still lives with his mom and she said I could stay there for a couple months while i save for like 40 a month that sounds pretty good.
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replied December 4th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Oh well that sounds nice enough. Are you doing that then?
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replied December 5th, 2007
it does sound nice but see im not sure...one my family will give me hell like i've never seen and it would be quite the move.....and I've never been out of the northwest florida area....and this would be a move to ct....it intimidates the mess out of me, but sometimes i wonder if thats what i need.
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replied December 5th, 2007
Extremely eHealthy
Would you be going to a different college then?

Maybe it is what you need, if nothing else it will get you away from your family for a bit and that was something I really enjoyed about going to college. I loved my family but I just wanted to be on my own for once.

It's going to intimidate you, but I'm sure you'lll do well. I say go for it, you don't want to regret anything later on you know? If things don't work out then at least you tried. Good luck! and if you ever need anything let me know!
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replied January 21st, 2008
Experienced User
omg...we're like going through the same thing......
I"m 18 yrs. old..
and I just graduated.....
I wanted to join the army.....
but my brother asked me to move in with him and just go to school...
he has a family of his own.....
he doesn't want me to be paying for anything...
he said that I just need to worry about school....
well I"ve been staying here with them for about 3 months now....and I freakin' HATE it......
my brother's bossy to me.....
and at times I go in my room and cry about it......
I feel unwanted when he's around......
well eversince I've stayed here...his girlfriend told me that he had a drug problem........
but that was during my graduation....which was on JUNE07.....
she says that he stopped now......
we werent too sure about that.....
he's asked me for money....normally..it would be like $5,$10,$20 bucks..but he was asking me for quite a while now.....
so then he gets mad at me for everything I do.....
talking to my boyfriend[[long-distance relationship]],always online,etc.....
then he goes and tell my mom everything....
[[he brain-washes her]].....
so eventually..she gets mad at me....
so I'll cry to my brother's girlfriend....and I told her that I'm gonna tell my mom everything...
cause I"m tired of getting in trouble for the things I"m not doing....
so she's gonna fly down to see my mom and tell her everything....
anywais......
my point is...
just hang in there......
it's probably a *BROTHER* thing....
maybe they're just protecting us...or training us to live on our own!......
maybe sometime in the future...we'll both lo0k back in this days and thank our brothers....
just HANG in there GIRL!...
[[you're not alone!]]
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replied July 22nd, 2008
i dont live with my dad. i really have this hate for him. my mum passed away when i was 3 years old and me and my elder sister were left with an alcoholic dad. we went to stay with my aunty till he sorted himself. the family threatened to put us into care if he didnt stop.
he stopped and everything was fine. until dember 2006 he had a heart attack and the day he came out of hospital he started drinking, it was fine at first but then he went bk in again about 2 weeks later he had another. he came out on december 21st and me and my sister had a massive fight she gave me a bruise eye/cheek/head, i jus made her eye bloodshot. he flipped and she moved out with her boyfriend. a few months later it was too terrible to stand anymore. he had hit me, punched and gripped by the throat. he kicked me in the back and that was it i went to see my sister (as we started talking again) and she foned my aunty then i went to stay there for a week. my ''dad'' was phoning my sister and aunty asking for me bk and that he was sori and he wud stop drinking. he did 2 weeks later he sed u dnt mind if i drink do you? and i jus ignored him. then he walked in the livin room with a bottle then few days later he was even worse than the few weeks before.
one night i hhad, had enough and went out. got drunk. i ended up collapsing and having a fit in the park. i headbutted the floor and punched it. the police and ambulance come. i went to hospital my friend came with me and my dad had been at the pub. he came and kicked off he had hit the nurse and cut the doctors arm through fighting with them literally. he got kicked out and because i sed i hated hime and that i didnt want to live with him. they had to get social services involved. which they did my aunty and uncle and other uncle then sister came to get me the next morning. and my aunty had sed to me, come and live with us. (that being 3 girls and 2 parents in a 2 bedroom house) i sed no it will be too crowded blah blah blah. she sed to me well where else are you going to go? and i didnt know so i just did then a few months after i found out that she had been phoning social services saying she couldnt afford me there and then one night i just left.

i dont understand why didnt she just tell me?
i went to my mates in erly december 2007 and them moved out of there on easter sunday 2008 now i live with someone from school, and i couldnt be happier. only my sister knows out of the family. the rest just think im still at my friends.

who i live with i tell her everything she is like a mum to me. except there is one thing i have neva told anyone. not even her and lately i have just been thinking about it. but i have this feeling no one will look at me the same again :\ and lately its all im thinking about. what should i do. im really confused and need some help?
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